A Peaceful New Year

On New Years Eve, we had a cozy night in as a family of three. I had given Brady a bath and put him to bed. I had walked past the bathroom where I saw the tub covered in foam letters. I stopped and just looked at it for a minute and I smiled. I felt a sense of peace that I really can't describe.

On New Years Eve, I was sitting at home and I was content. I was happy and I was fulfilled. My heart was so full at that simple sight. My life has changed so much in the past few years and here I was smiling at the sight of a messy bathroom full of toys on a night when everyone is out bringing in the new year.

 The past few years, we have struggled, we have grieved, and our faith in everything has been tested. We lost loved ones. We struggled with health scares and surgery. We didn't sleep. This year was not easy but I feel  more blessed than ever. I can tell you after we lost several people close to us in such a short time frame, I was constantly scared of what or who would be next. I had this anxiety inside that I could not let go.   While it is much better now, there are times when I'm afraid to let my guard down because that is when it hits you the hardest. I took that sense of peace that I felt in that messy bathroom as a sign that everything will be okay and I was ready to let go.
 
Having said that, as we closed out, 2011, it was bittersweet.  
 
We watched Brady grow from a baby to a little boy.  

We listened as he learned new words. We watched as he discovered new things and get into lots of trouble (ahem, Vaseline!) We watched him make new friends and develop relationships with those around him.

 We watched as he grew into this outgoing, independent little boy who knows exactly what he wants.

 We watched our hearts slowly heal.  We watched our love grow more than we ever thought possible.

We learned that our family was growing. We learned that it is indeed possible for your heart to grow even more. To share that love with a tiny being you have yet to meet.

I'm ready for 2012. I pray that this year is full of happiness, blessings, life  and a sort of a new beginning for us.  I pray for all of you struggling with illness, grief, infertility or whatever it may be. I pray for all of you out there that are still struggling to find peace and while you may not find it in a bathroom full of toys, you will find it when you least expect it.