Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Fourteen months

Dear Brady,

We had an amazing month! Each day you seem more and more grown up and I look at you and see traces of the tiny newborn you once were. I took you to visit your baby cousin who is almost six months old and looking at you two next to each other, you are no longer a baby! You were so sweet to him (most of the time) and handed him his rattle (before you took it right back away!)

 You have such a personality and show more of it each day. Your smile lights up our home and make life so joyful. You are so silly! You dance whenever you hear any music or beat. Your little head bobs and you
sway so joyfully! You do this little arm thing and we are not sure why but it's cute. You do it something when you are being shy but others when you are just being goofy!

(mommy already knew you were smart, Dr. Brady!)
Mom decided to get brave and let you take a crack at Art. You had a blast.
Of course, you had to taste a bit of it yourself! (I think he resembles the Joker here, ha!)

You like to color but end up eating more of the crayons than anything. (notice before mommy took the crayon away and after!)

You go to sleep at night so easily most nights but have found you waking up to party recently. You just got another tooth and are working on your molars! I still love watching you sleep and believe it will be something that never gets old.

You had two holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas! You make me so excited for things like this. The look in your eyes on Christmas put some magic back in our lives.

You are such a parrot! You say a new word almost everyday! Mom, Ma-ma, Dad, daddy, ball are your staples but you also say, apple, my ma-ma, uh-huh, night-night, nana, mmmm, dirt and bubble. Most of the time I'll say something to you and you repeat it. Today, you said 'momma bye-bye.'

Guess what else you say? I DID IT! Yep. You suprised me there buddy. At first, you said, "did it'' and then the full sentence! You say it all the time, even when you are supposed to be napping (and mommy gets kinda worried on what you did in there!)

You are so proud of yourself when you do something and it makes me smile to see the accomplishment in your eyes. I'm proud of you too!

You study every little detail and notice it all! You are so good at following directions, when you want to!

(After dumping the entire package of diapers!)
Reading is still one of your favorite things to do (well, second behind anything related to balls!) You are so darn cute when you pick up a book and find a spot to sit down and 'read.' You don't sit there for long but it still is so sweet. You bring me books to read one after another!
You are starting to 'play' more and more with your toys. It's so cute to watch you play. You like to pretend to drink things and go, mmmm!

You experienced your FIRST snow! You absolutely LOVE it. You would have stayed out all day if momma would have let you!

Ok buddy you are just growing up so fast! I just can't believe how big you are. You amaze me each and every day. You will always be the best gift I have ever been given. Each snuggle, each kiss, each hug and each time I hear you shout, MA-MA, my heart grows a bit more.

 We love you to pieces little man. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

Well, the holidays are offically here. Someone was upset I made him look cute and sit in front of the tree.

I gave him some 'balls' and he was happy as a clam but only for a while.

Then, got into a bit of trouble.

We eventually got to see some of those dimples and caught a quick smile.
Happy and safe holiday to all of you!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A tale of two molars

Dear molars;

First and foremost, welcome to my child mouth and into my life. I'm not welcoming you on good terms. In fact, right now you are my not even on the somewhat likable list. I'm sorry but you are my worst enemy.

I know, molars, that seems awfully rude and inconsiderate but I'm not sure you understand the upheaval you bring to my life.

You see, my child has never been the best sleeper but we were finally sleeping at night until you came back into my life. My sweet, happy baby has turned into a whiny, clingy and crabby baby who gets up at the butt crack O' dawn which makes for a crabby mom. I wish that whine came with cheese or at least a slight buzz but it doesn't. It's not that good kind of whine. If you can bring me that, we might be able to negotiate.
So, here is my request. Just come on it and get it over with fast and easy. Please end the torture. Think about all the good food you'll get to eat!


One tired and exhausted momma

p.s. I am not against monetary bribes. If the tooth fairy comes when you fall out, a tired mommy can and will donate to a better cause: sleep.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Demon Dora

This is what I feel might be payback for something I did when I was little. I can thank my MIL for this lovely gift. This thing was about to go into a dark closet to never see the light of day again. Before I go into why I might let her stick around, let me count thee ways she freaks the heck outta me.

  •  She moves by herself sometimes which is not cool for any sort of thing that resembles a doll. 
  •  Somehow she manages to find herself in our bedroom. Waking up to this doll is not pleasant. Nor is seeing her in the middle of the night. 
  •  the volume is so loud, I'm surprised we are not all wearing hearing aids by now.
  • Just look at her. In real life, she looks scarier. Maybe this is why I had a boy. Dolls freak me out.
All of that and she's still in my house, batteries in tact. Able to sing and dance to her hearts content at any time.


Besides the fact that for some reason I cannot fully explain, she makes my kids face light up. He pushes the button and then runs around the house giggling. He pushes the button again: rinse and repeat.

Sometimes, he picks pushes her down and then picks her up by her hair. Hopefully, this is not how he plans on treating his wife.

Then, last night while in the bathtub, Brady tried to put the stack-able bath toys together and when he got it, he said, "did it!"

Yep. "did it!"

I heard him again while he was 'napping' this afternoon.  'DID IT, DID IT!"

I have no idea what he 'did' while he was supposed to be sleeping but alas, demon Dora is here to stay.

Monday, December 20, 2010

He learned it from watching me.

Yesterday, I was cleaning smashed food off the floor (I swear this kid thinks that throwing food off his high chair is his way of helping me clean up.) My pants were sagging low and I hate to admit it but my crack was hanging out. Brady walked over to me and put his hand on it and said, 'buh, buh!'

Awesome. Not only is my kid trying to say 'butt' but he knows where it is. More so, he knows that the crack is part of it.

I can only imagine this is just a small part of what is to come.

Lesson #235 in parenting. Watch your mouth.
Lesson #3444: Buy new pants.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Universe can't crap on me!

Mommy fail #1:
While playing with your child you shove your phone in your pocket. Then, decide to wash those pants.

Mommy fail #2:
Being silly with your son while trying to wash him in the tub= First busted, fat lip.

Mommy fail #3
Running a short trip alone while your son naps turns into a 2 1/2 hour trip because in an attempt to avoid traffic you find yourself stuck in a Christmas shopping trifecta of hell (The mall, busy street, and Target all in a mile radius) and spill the entire bag of Target popcorn across your front seat.

Rocking mommy moment #1
After sitting in Christmas traffic hell, you walk in the door and your son yells, "MAAAAA-MAAA!'' at the top of his lungs with a smile painted on his face. It never gets old hearing him call me ma-ma!!
Rocking mommy moment #2:
After scaring mommy for life in the bath tub incident of 2010, one certain little boy cuddled with his momma during the whole "Fresh Beat Band' show. Something that hasn't happened in a while since this certain little boy does not sit still longer than 10 seconds.  (Side note: This kid loves this show and I let him watch it. It's funny to me because it's a bunch of 'teenagers' who dance and sing. No cartoon characters. Just catchy songs.)

Rocking mommy moment #3:
The sweetest little boy looks at me, strokes my hair, pats me on the back and then leans in to give me the biggest hug.

After a day where it felt like the universe tried to crap on me, I think this Momma came out ahead once again! Well, I can't celebrate total dominance just yet as this momma might be out a cell phone.


I love this kid. That's it.

oh, and I hate winter.

I'm entering, paper mama's photo challenge this week. Come join me!
The Paper Mama

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Three weeks of waiting.

Well, this post is going to talk about my child's nether regions. You are warned. :)

Tuesday night, I was drying Brady off after his bath and noticed something wasn't right. It's hard to examine a baby boy's parts while he is wigging and squirming but I finally got a good look and found a lump underneath the skin. Of course, I freaked and called Blake in to consult since he has a penis. We were both stumped and I found myself on google.

Lesson learned. Don't google anything regarding your child's private parts. You won't find what you are looking for.  You will find lots of gross and disturbing things.

We made an appt to see his Dr. and she was pretty much clueless. She said that it was cyst-like and it was under the skin and not attached to the part itself so I'm not quite sure if that is good. We were referred to a Pediatric Urologist and we go in three freaking weeks.

Ugh. Three long weeks to wonder what is going on with my baby. Three long weeks for me to over analyze everything and to freak myself out.

So, until then we wait. We make sure he wets diapers and it doesn't bother him.

I worry about the possibility of surgery and whether or not this is going to affect his chances of having children himself one day. There is a lot for a mom to worry when there is somthing unknown about your child's health.

This is the part about being a mom that sucks.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Snow day, Brady's way!

First snowfall of the year. First time in the it for one certain little man.

 While us Missorians cannot compete with some of the northern states, we also do not fare well in the cold.
We lasted maybe ten minutes until someone who was dressed like the kid from The Christmas Story fell face first into the fresh snow.
We dried off and brought the snow to him.

 It was a huge hit.

Hmmm, was that the best idea?

"Get IN my mouth!''

I love this kid. I love seeing him experience new things. I love everything about it.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

CSN strikes again!

With the holidays here and time not on my side, I have been doing a lot of shopping online. My mind immediately wondered to CSN because they literally have everything. Diaper bags, rugs, toys, and even bathroom furniture. As much as I'm dying to update our bathroom and looking at all the fixtures on there, I had to remind myself that it's the season for giving.

Stay tuned, I'm getting something for the big boy with the little curls, and I am pretty excited about it! There are also two words that I found enticing: free shipping. A lot of their stuff has it right now.

I love Christmas. I love shopping. I love shopping for Brady for Christmas (and no, I'm not done because I just started not too long ago!)


To say the last two weeks have been insane has been an understatement. Two weeks ago, the week started out with a bang and ended the same way, crappy. Blake had been sick the week before and he ended up in the hospital for two days and had the worst hospital experience ever (think roommate from hell and a pure lack of care from the 'dr'.) He's fine and better now but damn strep, sinus infection and bronchitis turned into pneumonia and wrecked havoc on our lives for too long.

The first night I got no sleep because he was updating me from the hospital and the 2nd night, my child decided he didn't want to sleep. It was a long few days and then I was lucky enough to get sick too. Brady somehow escaped all of this with a itty bitty cold and his typical cough. I swear this kid has the immune system of an ox. Wait, scratch that. If I say that out loud, the germs will invade.

As the fun continued, I took the dreaded GRE test last week. To say I bombed it is the understatement of the year, maybe century. No, I don't just think that, they give you the 'score' at the end. Good thing my application isn't solely based on that or I'd be screwed with a big fat capital S.

So, full of crap, I told you.

Eh. Oh well.

I'm fine and dandy because my baby boy runs around the house saying, 'my ma-ma,' 'my ma-ma' all day. I know. Talk about the bestest sound ever.

(hmmm, maybe my use of non words correlates to my crappy verbal score.)

Speaking of, this kid has decided he doesn't want to sleep at night and wake-up before the butt crack O' dawn. I had a sneaking suspicion that teeth were the culprit and be damned, I was right!

Toofer #8. Check.

Before I could say, 'whew,' I found two giant lumps where those molars are taunting me and I have a feeling, Brady and I will be having lots of middle of the night scream fests very soon.

Oh, well. As long as he continues that 'my ma-ma' stuff, I'm good. I'm really good.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Remember the reason

I have a lot of post about the last few weeks have been nothing short of insane but I wanted to share something with you. Christmas is about so much more than presents. Yes, we all know that. Well, we SHOULD know that but we all forget time to time. I never forget. I know the real reason for the season and all that jazz but I have a constant reminder each day as I go to work.

Imagine a family that is struggling to make ends meet. Wondering if they will be able to stay in their own home or not able to heat it in this freezing weather.  Imagine is those same people who have a child on machines that keep him alive throughout the night or one that cannot have his body temperature drop. Wondering if their kids will get one single gift this year. Some of those people might live alone or suffer from a debilitating illness or have a disability and no one to turn to, no one to celebrate with.

Every year at work, instead of giving each other piddly gifts, we adopt a family through a Christmas program (through the United Way.) The reason we began this is because it is an organization close to our hearts. We work with individuals many are struggling themselves. Children with special needs can be financially crippling not to mention so much more. Many of our families have lost their job and struggle to pay for things like diapers for their 13 year old or have to trade Christmas gifts to pay for medical treatment that their insurance does not cover. Some of our parents suffer from illnesses or disabilities of their own. For some of these families, it might be their last Christmas together.

I know we all struggle in our own ways. We have our own bills to pay and mouths to feed. I'm not asking for miracles here. Just think about some of these families when you are shopping for your own and if you can, donate something to an organization such as this.

Though it is expected, donations are low this year. There are so many organizations that I can go on for days. If you want somewhere specific, please let me know. I'll be happy to lead you to several agencies that are struggling this year to find much needed things for these families.

I know many of you who read are mothers. Think of the mothers this year who do not get to see that twinkle in their child's eye the morning of Christmas. The feeling that must give them and the hearts that it will break.

 Through my own job, I get to be a mediator and drop off gifts if any of our families are adopted. It is by far the best part of my job. I see so many tears of relief, pure joy, and inspiration. You have no idea what this means to someone. What you do doesn't have to be grand or expensive.  Even the smallest are appreciated.

So, after I have made you all depressed and sad. I'll give you a few things that show what generosity I have seen.

 I posted prayers for her before and when she posted this, my heart burst and my I cried with her. It was the generosity of her community that put a smile on her face for the first time since she lost her husband.

Last year, I was on maternity leave when the gifts were delivered. I was sad I missed it but I received a letter from a single mom a month or two after I returned.  It was the single most grounding and inspiring thing I have read in a long time. I shared it with my coworkers and there was not a dry eye in the building. One thing specifically that stayed with me was she said that they all sleep in beds now. Meaning there were not enough before! The last few sentences struck me as well. "Your work is really changing lives and I look forward to being able to give back one day and help the community the way you helped me."

I know you are probably thinking there isn't much I can do but there is. Donate a pack of diaper or wipes or formula. $5 or $1. A small toy or hat. Your time.

The tiniest of gestures is always appreciated. The tiniest gesture will change someones life in some way.

In that, I wish you all a Happy Holiday season!

Friday, December 3, 2010


 I've talked about the negative aspects of being a working mom and as that possibly is drawing near, I can't help but see some of the good things I find being a working mom. I find our time together is precious. He gets my undivided time when I'm home.  He gets to develop relationships outside of mommy and daddy. He gets exposed to more than what we give him. I get time to chat with coworkers and get some 'me' time occasionally even if that means sitting at my desk.

BUT then THIS MORNING I put my arms out for my daily goodbye hug and kiss and he shook his scruffily bedhead 'no'. He barely even acknowledged me as I walked out the door.

 Any good thing I ever thought was gone.


Big ouch, a rip to the heart.

 I drove to work trying rationalizing it in my head rather than turning around and deciding I was never leaving him again.

I should feel good knowing they developed a good relationship.
I should feel good knowing he enjoys their time together.
I should feel good knowing that he feels safe with her.
I can't be with him at every waking moment.
I can still be a good mom if I leave him.

In some small way, the smart, logical side of me does believe those statements I tried to chant as I drove into work.

The mommy in me, the emotional side wanted to believe those things but I was hurt.

I remember working at a preschool in college.  Some of the kids were there for 10-12 hours a day. The day one child called me mommy was one that I will never forget. My heart hurt for him and I swore my children would never do the same. Reality is, we need my income and that means some form of childcare. I know that little boy knew I wasn't him mom. I know he cared about me because we spent a lot of his waking time together and he was one of the favorites, (you know the ones you weren't supposed to have!) We did fun things and we played all day. I comforted him when he was sad or his belly hurt.

Our sitter does the same things. I have to remember that. I want him to feel safe in her arms, I want him to always feel loved. I never want him to feel scared or alone.

Next time (and there will be one if not next week, next year, or 15 years from now for a girl) I have to tell myself, he isn't choosing her.

He knows I can't be there with him and he is trying to make it easy for me.

He knows I want to be there with him and he wants to make me feel comforted knowing he feels safe and secure.

He knows that I will always come back.

I'm his ma-ma and no matter what, no one can replace me just as no one could have replaced that little boys mom.
At the end of the day, he still comes running to me, arms wide open and his face plastered with the biggest smile.

He may be excited to hear her walk through the door each morning but she never gets the welcoming that ma-ma does.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

(13 months)

(a week late but we have had a crazy week at that. Lots of sickies around here!)

 Dear Brady,

Oh buddy, I looked at you yesterday in your adorable overalls and realized you are all toddler. My how you have grown up since you turned one!

Your vocabulary is growing each day. You say, ball, mama, dada, cat, tree (comes out eeeee!), uh huh, baba (meaning your sippy cup), baby, and leaves (comes out eves!) You love to be outside and watching the eees and eves is one of your favorite things to do! You still try to repeat a lot of what we say!

You will sign 'all done' even though it's your own version of the sign! You understand most of all that I say. You follow directions really well (when you want to!) You always go straight for our cell phones and the remotes but hand them right over to us!

You can point to your nose, your hair, your teeth, and your belly. You put up that cute little finger when we ask you how old you are.

You also are a dancing machine. You dance to your own music sometimes-in the high chair, the floor, the shopping cart! The whole world is your dance floor! You love to play 'hide and seek' even if you are just hiding around the chair and love to climb all over me! Chase is a fun game for you too! You just giggle with the deepest chuckle!

You crack me up with your current ball obsession that grows each day! Daddy got out his bowling balls for some reason and you ran over screaming, 'ball, ball!' over and over at the top of your lungs! You were so excited you didn't know what to do! You also think everything is a ball! Ornaments, cantaloupe-if it's round, it's a ball!

Everyday, you run around the house finding all of your balls! At the store, you find them quickly and you got so excited at Aunt Kim's when you saw all the 'balls' on her Christmas tree!
(not quite sure about this thing)

You also love anything long that you can carry. The broom, wrapping paper rolls, the swiffer! You try to carry mom's broom around and think you are SO big doing it. We even bought you your own broom and you will still try and use mommy's!

You mimic much of what we do. You will 'blow' your nose, try to put on your shoes, sniffle to smell something or when I say, "pew wee' during a diaper change, and 'wipe' up a mess with a paper towel. You are becoming such the helper! You also brush your hair and your teeth!

You are so proud of yourself when you sit down in your chair your cousin got you or on your stool. Sometimes you miss but you just try and try again. You'll also come sit in my lap and that makes mommy smile. Most of the time, you'll come book in tow and sit in my lap. Those are the small pieces of life that I life for!
(sitting on the stool mommy used to play with at your great-grandmas!)
I have to mention this to you too, buddy. You might find this quite embarrassing but it made mommy chuckle even though I am in for some trouble! You learned how to take off your own diaper! I put you down for a nap in just your shirt and came back to check on you. There you were, passed out, half naked!

This month you experienced your first snow on Thanksgiving. Granted, it was just a light dusting but you were so excited! Too bad your poor coat makes you topple forward and you dove head first into great-grandma's lawn.

(First snow. Poor kid was so tired from all the festivity and just took a tumble)

On one of mommy's days off, we took a trip to the park. You were so excited about the balls (acorns) you almost didn't notice all the fun stuff to do!

At your last dr appointment, you weighed 26 pounds and were almost 32 inches tall! You're a big boy! :) You love your milk and you would drink it all day and night if you had your way. It's so cute that you drink your sippy with one hand and rub your hair with the other.

You were so much fun on Thanksgiving, surrounded by our family and eating your first turkey meal (complete with a bite of pie!)

I am so excited about the holidays now that you are in our life! You look at the tree with your big eyes with excitement, joy and pure happiness and if you only knew that is what I feel when I look at you!