A year ago....

A year ago this month, we found out Brady was coming into the world. I was reading old posts I had written, and there was one in particular that made my heart smile and my eyes water.

I expected life to change. A big life altering change, but that never happened. I never felt like him coming into our lives was difficult, and I fell into motherhood so naturally, like I was meant to be HIS mother. I remember the struggle we had naming him and when I look at him, his name fits him perfectly. I remember wondering what he would look like, and who's features he would carry. I look at him and could not imagine him looking any other way.

I look back at all those emotions I was feeling, and I literally cried reading it, going back to the moment. I was so excited, but also had every other emotion floating through my head. A year later those emotions haven't changed. I worried about that life inside of me, and it never eased as my belly got bigger. 15 weeks after his birth, I still find myself full of worry.

Is he eating the right amount? Is he gaining the right amount? Is he cold? Is he hot? Is he happy? Does he get sad? Does he feel loved?

Then, I remember back to that day. The day I 'met' my little munchkin for the first time. What that tech said to me still rings true. Worrying is part of being a mother.

I look down at my sleeping baby, and I find peace.

I look at him and the immense love I feel is overwhelming.

I feel lucky.

I feel happy.

I am blessed.

A year ago, I was learning how to be a mom.

Now, I am HIS mom.

Little tidbits

• Brady's reflux hasn't gotten any better. He is now on Prevacid, and if his head spun around and his puke was green, I would start to think he was the exorcist.
  
• With the reflux, he sometimes get so crabby, and there are days when I want to scream with him. It sucks to see him uncomfortable, and it is frustrating to not know how to make him feel better.


• On that same note, I refused to listen to his dr. and countless others telling me that he's fine since he is gaining weight, or he will grow out of it. I am his voice, and he cannot tell them he doesn't feel good or that he is in pain. It's my duty as his mom to stick up for him, no matter how silly I look in the end (this isn't' one of those situations.) So, we see a Pediatric GI in a few weeks.
  
• Brady is a smooth talking man. He coos and 'talks' nonstop. The tiny laughs and smiles that go with them make my heart melt.


• Brady is NOT sleeping through the night, though he was pretty damn close...UNTIL--he got his FIRST COLD! He has the most pitiful cough, and stuffy nose. It sucks to see your baby sick and there isn't much you can do for him. Steamy showers, humidifiers, baby rub (Little Remedies is awesome) and the snot sucker only go so far. He needed a little more love, and a lot of snuggles this week.


• I on the other hand, didn't sleep. Sick baby=no sleep for ANYONE.


• Sick baby also means an increase in wine consumption.


• Being sick also made his reflux worse, which led me to a scary incident, and my heart stopped. He was napping in his crib and I heard him coughing, and it turned into choking. I ran in there and my child was practically purple. This is when I say that reflux IS a big deal, dammit. THankyouverymuch!


• Brady is a beef cake for sure. On Friday, he weighed 15 pounds! 15 POUNDS! He has ALMOST grown out of a size 2 diaper. Daddy keeps telling him he's going to play baseball (left handed pitcher $$)but mommy thinks that at this rate, he is going to be a LINEBACKER!


• Ha, the other day I was thinking that I want Brady and our next baby close in age (like 18 months) UNTIL, yes, that is a BIG until, I realized that would leave me needing to be knocked up again in less than 5 months. NOTHANKYOUVERYMUCH.


• Brady has many new tricks. My favorite new trick of his is how he has to hold onto my shirt, or rub my chest (I guess he is a boob man for sure, lol) when he is falling asleep. It does nothing other than melt my heart.
• His umbilical hernia IS GONE! It did fix itself, and I'm so excited! No more mini penis belly button! :)


• Lastly, I am applying for a new job and as much as it terrifies me, it brings pure joy into my heart knowing what a difference it would make in our lives. It would cut out two hours of drive time a day, and I would be so close to home I could walk home for lunch with my lil pipsqueak.

Ramblings part 3

• There are some days when you can only be thankful you didn't get spit up in your mouth
• Spit-up does NOT taste good.
• Eau de baby puke can be found anywhere. Your hair, your shirt, the cleavage of your boobs.
• Speaking of finding baby puke, the smell is not pleasant after it has been lingering on your clothes...or hair, or said boobage.
• A mom has to do what a mom has to do. If that means your child will only sleep in his swing during the day, then BE IT!
• When baby gets sick, momma finds a good old remedy for herself called WINE. It is very effective if given to the affected mom in the biggest dose possible.
• A sick baby is the most pitiful thing in the world. Babies shouldn't be allowed to be sick, even if it is only a cold, their FIRST cold. A sick baby with a cough is even more pitiful.
• Just when you have your baby figured out, he goes and changes the game.
• No matter what that baby always know when you just sat down to eat.
• Taking your happy baby out to eat for your MIL's b-day sounded like a good idea till you got there and he screamed the whole time. The second you walk in the door at home, he;s an angel....
• Babies R Us is like a black hole. You go in and come out to find that 4 days have past, and you are out $120.
• Shopping is so much more fun with a baby....and expensive. I have to remind myself that i am not independently rich, and Brady doesn't need 92 pairs of cute jeans.
• How in the hell do i become independently rich? This working thing has to go.
• There is no other place that I'd rather be on a Saturday morning (even if he wakes me up at the butt crack of dawn) is snuggling up with the tiniest little bed hog.
• How in the world do you love one tiny being so much? I ask that and find that I love him more everyday.
• A sleeping baby is my favorite kind. They are much easier to stare at and make all your worries disappear.

Children are miraculous.....

Seen here on Marvelous Kiddo.



This made me smile. Go find elephants and kiss them! Love that!

Stop yelling? Amen.

3 months has flown by

Dear Brady,

The past three months you have grown right before our eyes. You came into the world such a tiny little soul with big lungs.

Three months ago you came into the world, and each day that I have spent with you is a blessing. Each day I get to watch you discover something new.

You don't care for tummy time all that much, but you are so good at holding that cute little head up. You look at me with those big blue eyes of yours, and my heart melts in a thousand pieces.

You have a new friend. He soothes you to sleep sometimes, and you could watch him for hours. Mommy knows you love her more but it's cute to see you explore new relationships :)

You laugh everyday, and now my life in full of laughter. You make me smile everyday, and that is a big gift you bring.

You are showing us new expressions and your personality is unfolding before our eyes. By the way, you don't like getting OUT of the tub very much....you would splash for hours until your toes turn to wrinkly little raisins if I let you!

Watching you explore the world is a beautiful thing! We love you little man!

Happy 3 months!

This is why babies need so many clothes.

That pile looks awfully big doesn't it. Remember that baby clothes are SMALL!

Don't believe me?

Well, this pile contains....
23 shirts/outfits
16 sleepers
8 blankets
2 sheet sets (not pictured)
1 changing table cover
14 burp cloths (that we actually used, this doesn't count the clothes that I had to wash)
9 bibs (we decided using bibs would help with keep spit up off his clothes, and thus need to do less....yeah, it's working really well, lol)

This is why babies need so many damn clothes. This is a weeks worth of clothes. Not even a full SEVEN DAYS WORTH since I did this on a Sunday. Sunday's didn't count....

I always chuckled at the thought of having so many clothes in his closet, and now I am thinking we need more.

Thank you reflux.

I guess you could say that Tide thanks you too (oh, and the water company--they are getting quite rich off of us.)

Motherhood has been good to me.

I had yesterday off and I am finding it to be exceptionally hard being away from my little pork chop today.

Looking back at the past three months, I already find it hard to remember how he was as a newborn. He was so small, and he is growing more everyday. For those of you with newborns, or ready to pop (ahem, Lisa, and Kristal), enjoy every moment that you have because that stage is gone before you know it. I am glad I took some days just to cuddle, and now I wish I could have those days that I didn't back once again.

My mindset is different now that I am a mom, especially since I am back at work. I love every moment I have with him and do not take a second for granted. I hope that in ten years I can say the same.

I made a call the other day about something (i think it was insurance related) and found myself laughing when I said, 'my son.' It's funny because after 12 weeks, it is still weird to me that I am a mother, that this magnificent little being is here, and more so that I created him (well, i guess i had a little help.)

Someone the other day told me that motherhood has been good to me. That made me smile because they are right but not in the way they think. Motherhood has opened my eyes a bit brighter, and the sides of my mouth curl a little wider. I get excited about the little things in life, and don't take for granted the bigger things. There is more laughter in my life, and in my home. Family has become closer, and all of our hearts have grown. I laugh everyday, and my heart melts with each tiny smile he gives me. I am selfless and blessed. I am a mom, and am thankful for that everyday.