It's a......

Well, that was an adventure.

We ended up having to take Brady with us to the ultrasound, which he did pretty well except the whole trying to pull the ultrasound tech's pants off. Yeah. That's my kid!

There was absolutely no suspense. In fact, the tech couldn't see anything but what was in between this baby's legs. We have to go back to get a better picture of all the good stuff but so far this kid is measuring a bit on the larger size! Yikes!

Per all your requests, finally a belly picture!

I'm really excited for Brady to have a little brother! He's pretty excited too though we'll have to wait to see if he still is AFTER this baby comes!

Preperation

I'm halfway there peeps. HALFWAY!

Yippee!

Yikes!

Tomorrow, we find out what is or is not between this baby's legs!

I'm already prepping him or her to spread em' which got me thinking of all the things we will need to do to prepare for his/her arrival!

Of course we have to get the room ready and all that fun stuff but this time, while we have almost everything we should need, there is a bit more to add to the list.
Teach the importance of sleep. I apparently should have done that with Brady right after conception.

Go through Brady's baby stuff. Wash, sanitize to ensure all the baby puke remnants are gone.

Probably purchase new bibs, burp clothes because puke remnants are not easy to get out permanently.

Prep Brady, i.e. sign him up for a sibling preparation class and hope that Brady still likes the baby afterwards.

Plan some Mommy/Brady dates. I am going to soak up my one-on-one time with him!

Get work as caught up as I possibly can so I don't come back to mean coworkers.

Pep talk. Begin having pep talks with baby to encourage the proper exit route.

So, yes, lots to do!


Want to cast YOUR vote?

Boy? Girl? Undecided?

He said what?

We've been talking a lot about boys and girls with our big ultrasound coming up (FIVE days, people!) and I guess it's caused Brady to realize a few things that essentially led to this coversation the other day.


 :: Brady comes running in from the bathroom::

"Brady have little pee pee! Mommy no have pee pee anymore!"

Me: ::oh crap....wait, anymore? I had one before? Hmmm, what to say, think, Amy, think!:::

"Yes, mommy is a girl and Brady is a boy!''

Brady: Uh, huh!

We haven't really taught the proper names yet because he started calling all parts a 'pee pee' and I figured we would 'go there' when he was a bit older.

Well, I guess now is that time.

Reconnecting

The past few weeks, sleep has gone from crappy to all out awful. It started as teething and moved to separation anxiety. Then, I heard the words I never expected my very independent, very particular kid to say. "Sleep in mommas bed, please!' The kid likes his space and has NEVER asked this before and after being up with him a few times, I caved. He slept till 7:30 which has happened a few times I can count on one hand in the past two years.

There were a few nights Daddy had to work late or overnight so I let him sleep with me again. The kid is so sweet and turned to me to say, "momma, I wanna sleep with you.'' meaning he wanted me to put my arm around him or 'momma hold my hand.'

How do you deny that? Oh man, oh man.

On Monday, we slept till 8:30, a time I have rarely seen on my sleep-in days.  It was glorious.

I have to laugh because I know we are starting an awfully bad habit but maybe last year during our nights of hell, this was the solution all this time.

  I have to say though, I don't know if it's the quality time we've had lately, the age he is at or what but I feel like we have grown closer and our bond solidified, not to say ours has lessened but I had let the craziness of life get away from us.

 The past few months we've had a lot of things going on  with the holidays, my pregnancy's ups and downs, the craziness of being a working mom and just the terrible twos!  I was tired with no help from the sleepless nights and the fatigue of pregnancy but to be honest, life was feeling monotonous.

 I struggled through the ins and outs of daily life. Each day felt like it would never end and I was left more exhausted and feeling guilty for not enjoying this blessed life I've been given. 

What I needed to just let go of all the crap that needed to be done or the crazy lists in my head but it's never that easy. There are mouths to feed and clean clothes to be worn. 

So, thanks to Daddy's crazy work schedule, we had a few 'dates' which we haven't had time to do with everything going on and I missed our little 'dates.' We even had lunch at a decent restaurant, made a trip to a kid's museum, enjoyed some yummy Italian food and enjoyed an oddly warm wintry day in January. 

It was just what the doctor ordered.

 Being a mom is not easy. We all know that and we all stop and think, 'Wow! Where did time go?" We vow to take more time to enjoy the little things but saying that is easier said than done.  While I try really hard, life does get away and it seems to go faster with time. I did this just the other day as I listened to my child tell me about his day at Nana's. Where did the time go? 

 Sometimes, I have to stop and remind myself that it's ok to let it go. It's okay for everything to be a mess or life to look less than perfect because well, that is reality. It's also okay not to live in the moment all the time. Actually, it's impossible for even the most ambitious super moms.

Sometimes, the hustle and bustle of life is what makes you appreciate it all that much more but sometimes, you have to say screw it and have some fun. Sometimes, the day is full of too many tantrums, tears or late meetings so you have to put the fun on hold but when the time calls for a good time, it's so worth it.

Catch up: Week 12-16

I am such a slacker this time around but with the holidays, several rounds of sickies and just the craziness of life, it's hard to keep track this time around! 


Things have been great the past month or so. I entered the second trimester and that was a huge sigh of relief this time around. I have started feeling movement and I'm loving it. Occasionally, I'll feel some big thumps and it's happening more often now. 


The belly is uh, growing. Ha! 


Week 13-16


 Symptoms: None really. Some days I'm ready to eat a horse others I would just rather not eat. I want to eat nothing but sweets, especially chocolate. I'm still tired but have a bit more energy than before. Heartburn/reflux still around but manageable. The girls still have times when they are sore. 

Cravings: Sweets especially chocolate Heartburn and well, just plain reflux has really been killing me this time around. I can't eat anything before I go to bed anymore or I pay for it in the morning but I'm ALWAYS starving around then! 


Movement: Ah, yes! Amazing. 


Gender: I go back and forth but everyone and their brothers but a a few people tell me it's a girl. I've had a lot of dreams and they are all girls but I'm not sure if that means anything or not. 


Bump: Oh it's there now officially. 


Brady's reaction: He told me he was going to help feed the baby a ba-ba and change it's poopy diapers. Ha! I hope he remembers this when the time comes! 


Pictures will come, eventually. I dropped my camera off, yes, again to be serviced so hopefully it's not as long this time around. Sniff. Sniff. Instead, I'll  leave you with a picture of my other baby. 

Toddler speak

Oh, toddlers. You are so mysterious. Sometimes, deciphering toddler speak is difficult and leads to lots of tears and not just from the little ones. Hopefully, I can help you learn to speak their language.

'I want to hold you or hold mommy.'
Translation: I want you to hold me.

'Eatmeal'
Translation: Oatmeal

'Get the dirties out.'
Translation:  Washing hair or body in the tub

'Momma play with head'
Translation: Mommy, I wanna play with your hair because I'm love twirling hair when I'm sleepy and mine isn't cutting it.

'Put ba-ba in bowl'
Translation: I want milk in my cereal. (He calls his sippy cup a ba-ba, cup, mine, Brady's- it has many names because it's his one true love)

'No pashman today.'
Translation: The trashman didn't come today and that sucks. This is one that is repeated over and over in this house as his obsession with the trash truck grows daily.

'NOOOOOOOO! Brady!!!!!'
Translation: No, dammit. I want to do it!

Then, he says things that are more profound. Things that I could never imagine a two year old saying.

Brady: Mommy go bye-bye?
Yes, baby. I have to go to work.
Brady: Bye, Mommy! I wuv you!

'Mommy? Brady no cry today. Brady happy!'

Then, this mommy was left speechless with a smile on my face.

Before I was a mom.

Before I was a mom, I could finish a complete thought without having to go back and retype/repeat what I just did.

I went to the bathroom all by myself.

I slept, like ALL night.

I could go somewhere all by myself without having to track down someone to babysit.

I could go somewhere without having to pack 10 pounds of crap that babies need.

My Saturday nights were spent out with friends.

I didn't cry at sappy commercials that talk about your kids growing up.

My boobs were much perkier.

I didn't know the theme song to 'Go, Diego, Go!'

I had more money, more time and more energy.


Now, there are days when completing a logical thought takes a lot of work.

There is no privacy.  My toddler has to be in the same room with me at all times because he forgot that the umbilical cord was cut two years ago. I go to the bathroom and it's apparently a big party in there! Sometimes, my husband even is invited but not by me. A girl just wants to pee alone for Pete's sake!

Sleep? Ha. What is that?

 My drive to work is my alone time.

My Saturday nights are filled with trucks, spilt milk and I'm asleep before 10.

There are random moments in the day (usually at work when I'm trying to concentrate) when 'Dora' or "Diego's' theme song pops in my head.

I've gone throughout the entire day only to find I had spit-up or snot on my clothes.

My money is spent on daycare, clothes since a growth spurt happens every 30 seconds and coffee to keep myself going.

My time is spent changing diapers, removing boogies and chasing a toddler around the house in attempts to get him dressed in a timely manner. The latter explains why I have no energy. Oh and that sleep thing too!

My life before was a lot less complicated. It was a lot less stressful and care-free

Now there is more chaos, laundry, worry, messes and love.

I'm happy with this new life of exhaustion, sleepless nights and pee parties. It might be more work and I'll probably never sleep a sound night for the next 18 years but that is okay by me.

Well, ok, so most of it. I'd love more sleep!

Brady VS Baby

I feel like this pregnancy has been totally different. Everyone asks me, "Do you think it's a girl this time?" or 'Are you hoping for a girl this time?' The answer to the 2nd question is the cliche answer. As long as the end of this, baby and I are here and safe, I don't care what parts are between that kids legs. I feel like this pregnancy has been so different!

Morning sickness:
Brady: I was sick from the moment I peed on the stick at 4 weeks to about 22-24 weeks. I didn't gain a single pound till then and packed it on from there.  I wasn't just nauseous but I threw up all.the.time. I think it was after about 12 weeks, I finally caved and told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable. They prescribed me something, it didn't work and when I switched to Zolfran, it was amazing. Brushing my teeth wasn't fun but I wasn't throwing up anymore!
Baby: It has been hit or miss this time around. There were several weeks, it was bad but I never threw up. (It coincidentally stopped around the time I was cramping/bleeding which freaked me out more!) Brushing my teeth is still not fun this time around and seems to be worse now than it was before but the gagging has never led to me loosing my lunch! I have days when I just feel like crud but I'll take it over the pukies any day!

Fatigue:
Brady: I can't remember but I remember being mildly tired. Nothing I couldn't handle.
Baby: Total, utter exhaustion. Motivation? Ha, I laugh at it. Seriously, I can't get anything accomplished and I'm ready to start feeling like I can focus! I'm ready for bed by the time I get home from work. On weekends, I nap when he does which I'm more than thankful for since I can't do that any other day. If I can't get one in on those two days, watch out. Mean Amy comes out. Add in a toddler who decides sleep is for the weak and I'm just tired. I think Brady is just preparing me for the lack of sleep to come, how sweet of him!

The bump and bloating/gas:
Brady: I remember being bloated but didn't break out the maternity pants till almost 15-16 weeks and it wasn't because I needed them. I started showing around 19 weeks.
Baby: I felt like I looked pregnant the second I peed on the somewhat inconclusive stick. I broke out maternity pants around 10 weeks because oh.my.goodness, they are so comfy! By 15 weeks, I could still wear my regular pants but only if I didn't want to breath. I'm ready to look pregnant though and not just like I ate too much. The bloating this time is way worse....and excuse me while I mention the burps! Oh, those are so lady like and I'm sure the ladies near my office love me right now. I have really bad reflux lately too which is so not fun.
Cravings/Food Aversions:
Brady: I loathed eggs and meat for the first 4 months and off and on. I really couldn't eat eggs till Brady was a few months old. Saltines even made me gag as well as anything that tasted like it had ginger in it (in attempts to help morning sickness!) Until m/s subsided, I live on fruit, smoothies, mac and cheese. Down the road, I was obsessed with grilled cheese sandwiches (which bacon and dipped in Ketchup!) cucumber salad and cheeseburgers.
Baby: I went through an obsession with salads (more so with Ranch dressing which is odd for this oil and vinegar girl,) fruit (especially strawberries), and green beans. I am loving hard boiled eggs too which is funny because going near an egg made me sick with Brady! No real aversions yet but sometimes, chicken makes me want to gag. I will tell you that the height of the morning sickness, I was at the mall with Brady and between those damn people who shove samples in your face and the others shoving lotions and perfumes in your face, I was about to turn into the crazy pregnant lady, for real. Now, I don't have any strong cravings but I am loving chocolate, water, strawberries and sandwhiches with lots of mayo!

The girls:
Brady: They got pretty big but that was about it. No tenderness, nothing.
Baby: Whew. From about 4-8 weeks, nothing was going near those things! I mean it, don't even go near them! Showering? Ouch! Now, in the 2nd trimester, they are still kinda tender not to mention growing like weeds! Pregnancy leaves me with no shame so if I've shared too much, sorry!

Things I hope are different:
The birth: Well, that was a given! I am so nervous about how this will play out, especially with the possiblity that I still may have low platelets. Lots of praying for this girl.
Swelling: Oh, my! I was told it's usually better the 2nd time around but people are already joking when my tree trunks and sausage toes will come out this time! It was bad, people. Bad! My entire body swelled, my nose, my face, my legs. It was awful.
Carpel Tunnel: I'm sure the swelling has part to do with this but I'm hoping this stays away too.
Anterior placenta: I had one w/ Brady and hope that it develops in all the right places but I kinda think we have anothetr AP!


I guess we'll have to wait and see on those. I have been feeling movement here and there and can't wait for it to be consistant!
Speaking of, my dreams have been insane. I don't remember if I had those with Brady or not but man, they are so weird and vivid! The last one I remember, more so because I can't stop laughing about it but I dreamt that Brady had long armpit hair! I've had several dreams about the baby, all which I am holding a little girl. I go back and forth on what I think this baby is but we'll find out soon enough!

A Peaceful New Year

On New Years Eve, we had a cozy night in as a family of three. I had given Brady a bath and put him to bed. I had walked past the bathroom where I saw the tub covered in foam letters. I stopped and just looked at it for a minute and I smiled. I felt a sense of peace that I really can't describe.

On New Years Eve, I was sitting at home and I was content. I was happy and I was fulfilled. My heart was so full at that simple sight. My life has changed so much in the past few years and here I was smiling at the sight of a messy bathroom full of toys on a night when everyone is out bringing in the new year.

 The past few years, we have struggled, we have grieved, and our faith in everything has been tested. We lost loved ones. We struggled with health scares and surgery. We didn't sleep. This year was not easy but I feel  more blessed than ever. I can tell you after we lost several people close to us in such a short time frame, I was constantly scared of what or who would be next. I had this anxiety inside that I could not let go.   While it is much better now, there are times when I'm afraid to let my guard down because that is when it hits you the hardest. I took that sense of peace that I felt in that messy bathroom as a sign that everything will be okay and I was ready to let go.
 
Having said that, as we closed out, 2011, it was bittersweet.  
 
We watched Brady grow from a baby to a little boy.  

We listened as he learned new words. We watched as he discovered new things and get into lots of trouble (ahem, Vaseline!) We watched him make new friends and develop relationships with those around him.

 We watched as he grew into this outgoing, independent little boy who knows exactly what he wants.

 We watched our hearts slowly heal.  We watched our love grow more than we ever thought possible.

We learned that our family was growing. We learned that it is indeed possible for your heart to grow even more. To share that love with a tiny being you have yet to meet.

I'm ready for 2012. I pray that this year is full of happiness, blessings, life  and a sort of a new beginning for us.  I pray for all of you struggling with illness, grief, infertility or whatever it may be. I pray for all of you out there that are still struggling to find peace and while you may not find it in a bathroom full of toys, you will find it when you least expect it.

Playing catch-up

Whew. I'm here. The holidays were exhausting, chaotic but wonderful. I hosted my family Christmas morning at 10 am and Blake's family later that afternoon. Saying we were all exhausted by the end of the day is an understatement.

I have lots of posts to catch up on. I had a doctors appointment and got to listen to that little flutter on the Doppler. It sounds as though I might have an anterior placenta again, boo but I have been feeling movement already, which is awesome!

I had to have another blood test to recheck my platelet count. They were low at my first OB appt and I"m praying they are up to where they need to be. If they are not, she mentioned a round of steroids and perionatologist so of course that worried me a bit. After Brady was born, I did have a lot of bleeding and while I in the hospital after my c-section complications, my platelets low enough I almost needed a transfusion. I'm hoping that along with the fact I had bled most of the first 8 weeks has something to do with those low levels. Low platelets is a sign of HELLP so that scares the crappola outta me but I know they are watching everything so I have to just wait and see.

On a positive note, our anatomy scan is scheduled! I'll about 21 weeks which sucks because I'm already going nuts but I'm excited to see that little face again and find out if Brady will have a sister or brother. We found out at 17 weeks with Brady because of a positive result on the quad test so it feels like eons away now! Tick tock, tick tock! I am excited to meet this baby but I'm also trying to savor my time alone with Brady. It feels like time is going so fast.

Brady is seriously talking up a storm. The kid talks in sentences and the things he says crack us up but I've come to the sad realization he is no longer a baby. He is still struggling with sleep and I was in his room the other night just sitting by his bed (I think we have some separation anxiety going on) and I watched him roll to his belly, put his little hands underneath his pillow and cuddle up like a little boy. It melted my heart but it assured me, he was growing up far too fast. I need to slow life down a bit before this new baby comes.