Mommy FAIL.

Last weekend, Sunday to be exact, I had quite the day.

Our day started at Target. We went in for the typical stuff and a trash can (for outside.) As soon as we walked outside, it started pouring. I put Brady in the car and buckled him in. I had Blake's car because we had bought a BBQ grill the day before and it was still in my car.

I went to put the trash can in the trunk. Nope. Not gonna work. Tried pushing the passenger seat back. Nope.

I'm standing in the pouring rain with a screaming baby and a trash can. I wasn't about to leave it there. I mean I just paid for the damn thing. $29.99 to be exact. I got a brilliant idea (ha!) to move the car seat to the side and see if that would work.

Voila....after a long 15 minutes to get the damn car seat back in with a baby yelling in my ear.

We go home. Put on dry clothes and eat. He naps.

For some reason, I feel like we need to leave the house again.

Wrong move, momma! (Next time, I'm going to listen to the universe when it is trying to tell me something.)

I had been at Bed, Bath and Beyond a few days before and they had forgot to put a towel rack in my bag. Brady man and I decided to make the quick errand while Daddy finished something at home. I grabbed my purse and I went to get him out of his car seat.

Oh crap. Literally. Down his leg. Awesome.

Of course the only poop accident happens now and it's my fault. This kid does not sit still during a diaper change and sometimes his little cute butt cheek will hang out if I'm rushing to get the diaper on and forget to fix it. Ooops. Mommy fail #1.

I realize that not only do I not have extra clothes but I do not have anything else. Mommy fail #2. Luckily, I find one scrunched up diaper at the bottom of my purse and scrounged up some wipes but not quite enough to be totally clean. After I changed him in the car, I forget that I'm about 20 minutes from home.

Dammit. I'm getting that damn towel rack that I paid for.

Yep. I was THAT mom in the store. The one whose kid was wearing nothing but a diaper. Um hmmm.

Oh no. It gets better. I'm not about to let my kid hang out with poo residue on his body when he shoves just about everything in his mouth.

Well, this weirdo who washed her kid down in the sink at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Needless to say, thankfully a Marshall's was next door. I bet you can't guess what we bought?

Oh, thank you, summer clearance!

Needless to say, I'm stocking the car with baby essentials. You NEVER know when you'll need it! :)

On the road to nowhere

The past two weeks has literally been a fast forward..it just flew by and I'm skimming by trying to play catch up. I'm feeling back to myself but we have had two weeks of craptastic nights in which I think most newborns sleep better than this kid. I am at a loss. Teeth, growth spurt, separation anxiety, red bull in his bottle? Whatever it is, it needs to stop. I think it started as teeth and led us to a road of nowhere and I like going places. Last night, we were up oh......at least 4 times. Yes. 4. I have a newborn who is 9 months old. I'm thinking we have to be cutting another tooth. The top teeth are evil little beings and I thought the bottoms ones were...but I digress.


Lack of sleep=no motivation for anything other than dreaming of sleep and finding my next source of caffeine. Must.get.more.

Blake and I have started wanting to do something that is active while allowing us to spend time together, and we decided to start bike riding. I'm kinda excited because I used to ride all the time when we first started dating but then some evil doer stole my bike and I've never got back into it.

I'm not a runner--really though, picture Phoebe from Friends. That is me!

At least with a bike, I can look a bit cooler. That is before I fall off.

So, we are setting on new adventures and I'm pretty pumped. So, if anyone has any tips for riding with babies, let me know. We are looking at bike trailers that convert to joggers so if anyone has any recommendations, please share!

Also, if one can solve a miracle and get my kid to sleep that would be great too. Hell, if you can do that I might jump across the computer and kiss you but first I have to run and sweep out dog food from my child's cheeks.

On cloud NINE!

Dear Brady;

Again, I am going to say it! I can't believe you are nine months old buddy! When you were a newborn so tiny and so helpless, I kept trying to picture what you would be like at nine months old and you are more than I could have ever imagined you would be.

This was a hard month for mommy. She couldn't hold you for two weeks and let me tell you, I think it was so much harder on me than it was for you! You had both grandmas and many others spoiling you when I couldn't. I missed those moments more than I could even begin to describe.

Mommy missed cuddling and hugging you close most of all. When I was feeling better, we figured a way out that I could get some snuggles in.....and boy did it make mama happy!


Right before you fall asleep, you rub your ear and whatever is near you (me if I'm holding you or your sheets if you are in bed.) You smack your lips a few times and sometimes you let out a smile of contentment. Watching you sleep is still high on my list of favorite things to do.

You are so adventurous and you have no fear. You are already so independent and oh so curious.

We officially said bye-bye to those boring purees (though we basically said good-bye a while ago) and you dove head into real food like you have been doing it all along. Notice the noodle on your head?

You're pretty serious when you eat...

Trust me buddy, I won't EVEN dare to take your corn away :)

You officially have lots of toofers! You have two bottom teeth and a top tooth with more on their way.

You can clap and you do it all the time, especially if we say, 'yay!' It has to be my favorite thing ever! You will also look for daddy, Lily, mommy, or Piper if we ask you where they went! You love playing peek-a-boo, being tickled, reading books, and silly songs.

Music is one of your favorite things. If you get sad or sleepy, a simple song will put a smile on your face or send you to dreamland.

Your favorite thing to do is chase around the animals. Your face lights up when you see either one of them even when they run the opposite direction.

You have full run of the house. Cruising along the couches, eating dog food and searching for something to get into! You do not veer too far from mommy and if I move into another room, you do too! I have to say that I'm happy to be your favorite thing to chase! You even can stand up by yourself for a little while. You get the look on your face that is so adorable but full of accomplishment right before you plop onto your bootie!

When you are in your walker, watch out! You are fast and furious! My toes have been run over many times and you just laugh the whole time! You prefer to be standing or running around the house. I am so protective of you and each time you fall even though you do not cry most of the time, and if you do it isn't for long, I want that time to be the last boo-boo you get.

Your hair is finally growing back in and your bald spot is officially gone! You have the most hair on top and we still think your mohawk is the best thing, though sometimes we think it resembles Ace Ventura.

Other things are growing too-your vocabulary consists of da-da, na-na, lots of babbles and sounds....and growling. Yes, you growl. Sometimes the growling is so intense you have to shake your fists!

You had your first all day outdoor party and you had so much fun! Of course you hammed it up for everyone and you even played with some friends. You love spending time with friends and family and it amazes me at how content and fulfilled you are when you are with them.

The little boy you are becoming is so amazing. You are constantly smiling, laughing and giggling. I can hardly count my blessings because each time I do, you give me one more reason to count them again.

Your smile lights up my soul. It gives me a peace I cannot put into words. I can say how much you light up our lives and how much we love you.

I cannot get over the fact that in three months, you will have your first birthday. Like I said before, when you were so tiny and new, I had no idea who you would become, and everyday I find myself more proud at who you have become.

You are your own little person and shine so bright. We love you so much....

Oh bubs, please forgive me for posting this but I cannot contain the cute, adorable, squeezable-ness that is about to follow....

:)

38 weeks inside and out

Oh my dear wild man,
Today marks the day that you were inside mommy's belly and outside this great world for the same time.

38 weeks to be exact.


You were born on a Monday night at 6:33 pm, and now at the same time, 38 weeks later, you are practically no longer a baby. No longer that tiny being you were once but a big boy who loves to clap, chase kitty tails, and mommy's singing (you might be the only one!)

When you were inside mommy's belly, you were so small, and we already loved you so much. We couldn't wait to hold you and tell you that and to see who you looked like. When we first met, you were so perfect, and though we didn't think it was possible, we loved you even more! Now at almost nine months old, you are ready to take on the world. You have started to stand by yourself and it's not doubt that your determination and strong will has something to do with that but we have found we love you more each day. It's amazing at how much you have grown in 38 weeks.

(photo from Pamela at My Life thru a Lens.)

You were born 7 pounds, 5 ounces and has tipped the scales at 21 pounds, 12 oz and almost 30 inches! You are no longer my chunky baby but growing into a toddler ready to climb, and chase the dog around the house!

In 38 weeks, you learned to roll over, sit up, scoot, crawl, pull-up, talk, and so much more. I only wonder what the next 38 has in store for us, and only hope it does not go as fast as these nine months have gone.

In 38 weeks, we met you for the first time. Watched you hit milestones the first time.

We loved you more than we could ever thought possible.

Most of all, we became a family.

A gift of smiles

Blake and I were talking the other day about how this year just has not gone right for us. As the optimistic person I am, I haven't posted about all of if because for one, I try not to think about it and try to keep things upbeat here but in reality a lot has happened. There have been four deaths (two who were under the age of 30, and all within 5 months) My brother got really sick and was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. My FIL has had some issues with his heart/heart surgery. My mom lost her job. My surgery. All in less than 5 months. Add in sleep deprivation and a refluxy infant, and sometimes I wonder how we are sane.

After all the trials and tribulations, pain and tears, worry and woe we made it through. We are stronger. We are tougher. We never forget love. We never go to bed angry. We don't take for granted. Even those small things. We hold those we love closer, and shrug off negativity.

I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy. I think that all good marriages find themselves in stormy weather but it's just to make them stronger, weather us a bit.

Life might not always go the way you plan and we deal with each card we are given. When we get dealt a bad hand, it sucks but you know that the next one will be better. You wait for the clouds to clear and the sun to start shining. You wait for the next smile, or belly laugh from a tiny soul.

You find more time to snuggle. More time to smell the flowers. More time for what matters.

The first half of Brady's life was rough as the it was full of reflux, inconsolable cries, and a complete lack of sleep. When he turned four months old, things started to look up even though we still didn't sleep, we laughed a lot more. At almost nine months old, I look at him and see a happy, smiley, giggly baby full of personality and I think it is nothing short than a gift from God.

Matt passed away a day after Brady turned four months old. To me, it is not a coincidence that was when Brady changed. He is so full of life, and never stops smiling. He love everyone and everyone loves him. In fact, Matt was just like that.

Matt was always smiling, and I think I see a little bit of him each time I see Brady smile.

Belly laughs

So, a lot of the pic's and videos I seem to post is of this kid with no clothes on. I really do put clothes on him. We had just finished dinner and his shirt was full of avacados and other yummies so I had to take it off. I wish I would have thought to turn the camera the other way too.

The last few big laughs are my favorites. There is nothing more powerful and perfect than that of a big belly laugh from a sweet baby boy!

oh, one more thing....please ignore my annoying 'sneezes' but he thinks they are quite funny!

Holy cow, this might be record number of posts in one week! :)

The post where I talk about a lot of stuff

I went back to my surgeon today for a follow-up and I'm healing well! Good news is he said I can lift Brady as long as it doesn't hurt and stop doing anything that hurts. Then, we talked about our non-existing future baby 2.0. IF c-section is the case for the next baby, he said that he will work with the OB during the surgery to make sure that the mesh does not get ruined.

Most OB's do not have knowledge of the bowels and more than just to get that baby out so having him there would be best so that I don't have to go through the surgery again, or have them reattach mesh after the c-section (which happens a lot if the hernia reappears during pregnancy but the way he attached the mesh makes this less likely to happen.) Knowing that was so much more reassuring!

He also noticed a mole on my arm and showed some concern about the coloring and size. I showed him another that I have had as long as I can remember. So much so that I almost cried when he ended up burning it off five minutes later (and not from pain.)

It was right between my boobies and they don't look the same without their little friend.

It was a bit awkward when he wanted me to spread them so he could do his work but we are good friends now.

I go back in a month to see how I am doing and then he will remove the other mole and have it looked at for melanoma.

The fun never ends in this house! :)

So, what did I go home and do? Picked up bubba and we went shopping, and had a grand ol time!

Regarding yesterdays post about daycare woes, I hope I didn't come off as whiny or that daycare is the root of all evil. I am pro daycare..probably more than a lot of people...I mean I worked in one for over 3 years and watched how much it benefited the kids.

I remember how I loved those kids and treated them like I would have my own. I hope I find someone just like me back then!

I was just hoping that our situation would work out longer and it didn't. We have had too many issues with reliability and schedules that Brady needs more consistency. We got in many situations where we had no idea who was going to watch him, and there were many times one of us had to take off because someone canceled last minute. It's been stressful in some ways so consistency for us will be good too.

We got lucky in the retrospect that my mom was unemployed and had plenty of time to devote to her favorite grandchild. So, I am putting on my big girl pants and looking for the perfect person to take care of my favorite baby!

I'll be honest though. There might be some tears.

Good Earth Winner!

The Winner of the Good Earth Gift Set is..............



True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 14 Powered by RANDOM.ORG





Kerri0925!



Congrats, Keri!



Email me your address and your Good Earth gift set will be on it's way! Thanks to everyone who entered.

(sorry, no fun way to pick a winner this time. He's too distracted by wanting to eat and run away from me to sit still long enough to pick a winner!)

Blah-blah daycare? What?

That is kinda the mood around here. Blah.


Blake had to change his schedule at work per his boss. So, he has to be there by 7 which leaves me to be the one to come in late. Problem is if I work late, I don't see my child. I could work 9-5:30, the hour plus trek to get home and it's almost 7, and he goes to bed around 7:30. See my dilemma?


My mom was watching and helping out a lot after my surgery but she just got a new job, and we can't ask family who have been watching him to watch him at 6 am.


The only solution might be daycare. It literally kills me to write this. First let me say I have no issue with day cares. I worked at one for over 3 years in college and loved it. It just sucks that at almost 9 months old, he will have to go. He isn't a newborn anymore and he will know they are strangers. Plus, the added germs. There are a lot of benefits too so I keep trying to focus on that but the fact that I have to hand my baby over to a stranger is basically killing me. Luckily, he loves people so I know he will be okay but I might not be!


We haven't decided this 100% because my niece is willing to watch him a few days a week but once school starts, we might be in this boat again. I think the consistency would be good for him too. Plus, the interaction with other kids. He LOVES other kids but I loved the fact that he was with family.

We had a really great set-up that allowed him to be home for most of the week, and I should be thankful we got to do that for as long as we have.

Things I have learned in the past two weeks

• That thing called a morphine drip=awesomeness
• You really lose all modesty after having a child.
• There is such thing as a nice hospital.
• There is such thing as a nurse that knows when to quit (after having tried 3x to get an IV started. Then after two more ppl come in...mission accomplished!) and yet your arm is till bruised two weeks later. thankyouverymuch.
• Hearing your new nurse after shift change say, 'I just graduated' is not really the first thing you'd like to hear come out of her mouth.
• There is such thing at thigh high compression hose (worn to help prevent clots) Seeexxxy!
• My child will eat anything. Literally anything.
• Two hour naps after watching a mobile baby wreck havoc on your house=priceless
• Baby kisses are so perfect and sweet even if they are open mouthed and slobbery
• The times that you need to pick up a baby in a day's span? A gazillion and one.
• There is not a time limit on how many times you can scoop something out of an 8 month old baby's mouth.
• There is also not limit on how many THINGS you will pull out of an 8 month old baby's mouth.
• My kid knows exactly how to whine so that grandma will come over and say, 'aw' and scoop him up.
• Said baby does not whine until grandma comes over and he takes one look at her and goes, 'uuuuh, uuuh; with arms raised up.
• In two weeks, your baby can change. He can wave, crawl, cruise around the furniture, sprout teeth, climb onto the hearth of the fireplace, dance and now clap. I mean two weeks makes a big difference in baby years.
• Seeing your baby literally grow up before your eye creates feelings of magnificence, joy and sadness at the same time.
• Watching your child rub their snack on the dog does not surprise you.
• Watching your child remove the wall outlet plugs does not surprise you either.
• Watching your 8 month old use a toy to climb from the ground to the fireplace surprises the heck out of you!
• Going back to work after being home with your baby for two weeks is like going back from maternity leave all over again.
• The words day care makes you want to cry.
• Thinking of having to send your child to a stranger when he is old enough to know the difference is one to send you into panic mode (more on this later)
• When you leave your child in the hands of someone you trust, you still worry and want to check up to make sure they are doing things the 'right' way-aka, mommy's way.
• The first thing you think about after waking up from surgery is your family and seeing them again.
• When they tell you that you are staying overnight you might find yourself barely able to talk (it's not easy to talk when you wake up from anesthesia and have had a tube shoved down your throat) but the word you manage to get out is, 'baby.'
• Being reunited feels soooo good.
• Being able to be a mommy again feels soooo much better.

Good Earth Giveaway!

I was sent Good Earth Mediterranean Chicken kick to try from Good Earth, and have a fun giveaway to announce!



I am very picky, and I am not a prepackaged kind of meal kind of girl. So, I went into this expecting to be disappointed. I was not, and I was very impressed! It was so good, Blake wanted thirds! My own complaint is the serving sizes and that is because I have a husband who has an enormous appetite like an ox.


I also love the fact that the past is 100% whole grain, no trans fat, no artificial flavors, no artificial preservatives, no MSG! Now that Brady is eating more table foods, we only give him food we feel is good for him!

It was very easy to prepare--just add meat and, voila! Dinner is served. With a very active 8 month old dinner sometimes is whatever I can throw together while he is entertaining himself on the kitchen floor so the fact that this can be thrown together in less than 30 minutes is a huge hit in our household.

Besides the Mediterranean Chicken with angel hair pasta other varieties include: Spicy Citrus Glazed Shrimp with angel hair pasta, Herb Crusted Chicken with mushroom risotto and Tuscan Chicken with penne pasta.

I am excited that I get to give away a Good Earth gift pack that includes a Good Earth Mediterranean Chicken dry dinner kit, two sets of bamboo flatware, two bamboo dishes, a bamboo utility board and a 100% recyclable grocery tote.



Let me tell you--this gift set? I loved it. The utility board, and the grocery tote are very handy and the bamboo dishes and flatware are fun!!



To be entered: Tell me what variety you would like to try!

Please enter by July 12th at midnight!



Gift pack, information and additional gift pack to give away were all provided by Good Earth and MyBlogSpark. The opinions are my own and I was not paid for this.

Woes of an angry dog

We are still having issues with Lily, our beagle, which is ironic because beagles are known to be good with kids. Anyway, we had a close call the other day when she snapped at him and it hit me that this issue has not gone away, nor will it anytime soon. It also hit me that this is a serious situation.

She has had time to get used to him being a mobile kid and more like well, a human. He is curious and wants to grab her tail and lick her and love on her. (yes, lick her. I know, gross right?) He loves her so much and that is what makes this all harder. Most of the time he will crawl to her bed and she will run away but the other times she will growl and I am not at all comfortable with them being in the same room together.

We have always praised her when she licked him or stood near him nicely. We give her attention and pet her, and love on her. I don't know what else we are doing wrong so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

She has always been a high needs dog. I mean truly. Very needy, and scared of a lot (storms, lightning, fireworks.) I know the new addition has been hard on her but we have done everything we have been told to do. Our vet mentioned doggy prozac in the past and she is getting ready to be due for her shots so we will definitely bring this up with her vet but if we can try anything else first, we will do it.

So, any advice??

A few tidbits and updates

I am feeling much better. Not 100% but way better than I was. Whew. The hardest part now is that I'm feeling better is not to overdo it, which I feel I did today. It's hard to take it easy when you are so used to opposite and you feel better!

We had the most boring and pathetic First 4th of July over here. I'll blame in on the fact that our dog is pathetically terrified and needs to have someone at home with her, or maybe because I had surgery but either way, I'm sure Brady didn't care!

My mom has stayed with us the past week and it's helped us 1000%. I think Brady thinks it's his new mommy and I am trying to deal with that, ha! He's doing well with sleeping. He usually wakes up once but two nights ago he slept from 715-545! Part miracle, part fluke. I don't care, it's awesome.

My once slow scooting half crawling baby? ha. He is now a full fledged crawler, pulling up and cruising around the living room. His favorite thing to do? Chase the animals! They don't care for it but he just goes right back to find them after they run away! He even climbed onto the hearth of the fireplace last night and looked at me like, ha ha momma! You can't get me!

Brady is a waver now! He waves bye or hi and is SO proud of himself! He seems to catch on to things so fast it truly amazes me how fast he is growing up before my eyes. You can look at him and know that he is truly taking it all in you can practically see those brainwaves making magic!

Brady has a new cousin (well, 2nd cousin) My cousin had a baby the same exact time I was in surgery! He is so teeny tiny and I can't believe my little baby was once so small. I can't wait to meet him!

I had the best cuddle session with my bubba tonight and baby snuggles heal anything! The best place for this takes place on the couch so I don't have to lift him or have him on my stomach, and tonight he curled up and passed out. I layed there with him for a long time just taking it in. Moments like those have to be cherished.

Hope you all had a safe and happy 4th (at least a more exciting one than we did!)

More of me

Becoming a mom changes you, no matter how much you say it will not or how hard you try for it not to. You soften around the edges, and feel more. You become this version of you--just better, more improved. Your whole perception of the world changes the minute his tiny body was put into your shaking arms.

There is nothing that can ground you more, make you feel more human, or make you feel more alive than the love of your own child. The simple smile coming from those drool encrusted lips can keep you smiling for days, or the first time he laughs at you, you are on cloud nine for a week.

You find this way to love differently, and you look at those you love differently. You find good in everyone, you empathize more, and hurt deeper for those wanting to have a child but are struggling.

There is no greater pain than missing your child or seeing your child in pain, or the mere mention of an unknown child in the same respect.

You want guard this tiny little being against all the the evil in the world, yet you feel a bit more like there is so much more good to be seen in this world.

It is easy to take for granted the crazed morning rush, routine diaper changes or the calm of the bedtime ritual as the working mom of an active baby.

Tickling his belly and kissing his rosy cheeks during a routine diaper change, or massaging lotion into each of those ten tiny toes, and kissing each of those ten little fingers.

Lifting him up to the sky just to hear him giggle and see those dimples come out to play, or playing a simple game peek-a-boo.

Bending down to soothe him after his wobbly body fell beneath him.

Watching your child sleep, wanting more than anything to pick him up and snuggle him close. You want nothing more than to feel the nuzzle of his button nose into the nook of your arm, and his chubby little fingers on middle of your rising chest.

I had no idea how much I missed the little things.

I had no idea how much my life had changed until those routine parts of everyday life were temporarily put on hold.

I had no idea how much I changed when I became a mom until my 'MOM' badge had been temporally removed.

Some people might call it losing a part of yourself but I laugh at that. Not just a chuckle but a deep, down, full-out belly laugh! How can I be losing a part of myself when I have gained more of myself?

So, I am counting down the days until I can complete those mommy jobs once again and reattach that badge on my heart. I don't think that I'll be taking for granted a single snuggle, a single smile, a single kiss or even a smelly diaper.

I do not think I could ever take for granted the profound effect motherhood has on me.


I am proud of who I have become. I am his momma. I may be forever changed but I am his mommy and I am a better person because of it.

It's over....now comes the hard part

The last two days feel like they lasted a week. Just a little warning, this post might be very honest, long and potentially graphic. I'll start out by saying that I had wonderful care at the new hospital (St. Claire) and it was probably the nicest hospital I have ever step foot in.

My surgery was scheduled for Tuesday morning around 930, and I didn't get in there until after 10. I was a nervous wreck. Blake told me he put in a good word with Matt and he would keep me safe. That comforted me but saying good-bye to my baby was definitely hard. I knew that would be the last time I picked up sweet little baby in a while. Tears were shed.

They checked me in, admitted me and the nurse tried THREE times to get a damn IV in me and draw blood. I had to have someone else come in and take blood and another lady put in my IV. I have mini veins I guess because I had the same issue post-partum in the ER and she had to use a pediatric needle. I said good-bye to Blake, and they gave me something to relax me=a dose of awesomeness.

I woke up around 1230 grabbing my stomach and sheer pain. I'll be honest about that too not for sympathy but just as a warning. It sucked. Worse than my c-section pain. Worse than anything. I was not prepared for how much pain I was going to be in. Not one bit. I had no idea how the surgery went until Blake finally got to see me around 3:30, and that was when I found out they were admitting me.

Insert more tears. The ONLY time I had been away from Brady was that first scary visit to the ER with those stupid complications when he was 12 days old. They gave me a morphine drip and I felt a bit human again enough to cry some more.

Blake told me that the surgery took longer and my recovery might be more difficult then they had thought. He mentioned something about a cyst, scar tissues and pictures that the dr showed him. lol. I finally got the real info when I saw my dr later that night.

Basically, when they went in and found adhesion's. An adhesion is scar tissue that forms a connection between tissues or organs that are not normally connected. Part of my pain and stomach discomfort/issues was caused by this which can be common after a c-section. I actually have 6 cuts/holes in my belly when I was originally supposed to have 2. He had to add a few extra to get the scar tissue out, and attach the mesh to muscles so that it doesn't move. He did also see a cyst on my ovary too but that was not a big deal.

I had to laugh because of course a simple outpatient surgery would not be so for me.

It's good to know that once I heal I should be a new woman. My stomach already looks like I lost a lot of the puffiness in my belly and it's still swollen from my surgery.

Anyway, so that sucks. The morphine drip=red blotches all over my body. Last night, I was taken off that and allowed to finally eat a bit of real food, and around 5 I was sent home! Just as he was releasing me, Blake and Brady rolled in and I realized that I haven't experienced the hard part just yet.

My mom is here helping out and that helps but knowing that i can't do much with him right now basically is killing me. It is going to be a long few weeks. I think he knows something is up but watching him want her and comforts me/breaks my heart at the same time. We will all get through this with time, that is my mantra as of now.

He cut another tooth while I was gone and is sleeping much better (whew!) I have had overwhelming support from everyone and I wanted to thank everyone for all the kind words, help, and anything else. For all you momma's out there, please pick up your baby and give em a big old squeeze from me!

As far as now, I am doing much better. Still hard to get up and down but way better. All of this assured me that I am 100% dedicated to at least giving myself the chance to try a VBAC with our next child. This even more so--the Clinical Director of all the nursing staff came in for some reason and she was helping me put back on my sexy thigh high compression hose (yes, sexy!) and thingies to prevent clots, and without looking at my chart, said....'i bet this all is from your c-section, huh?' Hmm.....how did you know?