Little victories

I am having an awful week/few weeks. To be honest, it's a mix of a few things: Stress from work, said stress from work is making me feel like a crappy mom and an impending anniversary. I have more to say about all of this and I have a lot of update you on but I was hoping to have more news by now. More on the latter part when I can write without wanting to cry.

So, I just need to focus on some positive things right now because I'll go to a bad place if I don't.  Driving into work last week, the radio station I was listening was talking about how something little happened and it made their day. We hear so much of the awfully bad, the ugly and the downright dirty but not so much of all the good in life. It's little victories as a mom that get me through each day and we need to celebrate them!

I put Brady down for a nap and he went to sleep! Actually, when he was sicker this weekend, he ASKED to go to sleep!
Little victory for momma

Brady played for hours with a new toy
Little victory for Momma

I made lasagna for the first time and Brady ate it up!
Little victory for Momma

While eating said lasagna, he didn't throw it on the floor!
Even bigger victory for Momma

Brady calls me momma again
Victory, again!

Brady vs Cat.
Cat victory. The cat always wins because she is fast and can hide.

Brady woke up at 5 am last Weds but managed to get him to cuddle with me until our normal wake-up time.
Go, momma!

Brady woke up at 5 am again yesterday but I managed to get him back to sleep by 6 and he slept till 8am ( that is a record , peoples!)
HUGE victory for this mom.

Brady runs around the house chasing the cat, saying, "kitty!' Kitty! "Go?'

We survived Brady's first sickness!

He now independently asks for milk by signing and saying, "a dink' :)

Brady likes to cuddle on the couch with his milk, blanket all while rubbing my hair or holding my hand (the hand holding melts me every time!!)

After an awful day yesterday, my little boy ran to me with his arms open and just sat with his head on my shoulder, patting my back for what felt like an eternity. I soaked it up and the awful day was a distant memory.

What are your little victories?

I'm loving....

I found these at Barnes & Noble and since I brought them home, they have been played with constantly. It's perfect for him to take in and out, in and out. Open, close. Plus, the bottoms have different shapes to match to the carton and the faces on the eggs match with the top shell. Best part? I spent 9.99!

I had no idea that this simple idea would be something I now feel like is a staple in our house. Brady has been (ok, i have been) lucky not to have really been sick. He's had a few tiny colds but he got his first snotty nose. These things are not only awesome for wiping noses but to actually get off dried on snot! Coming from a mom of a kid who HATES having his face or nose wiped, these are genius. They smell yummy too! Our favorite is the grape!

Jen over at I heart Organizing. Seriously, addicting. I'm sucker for organization but sometimes lack the ideas to do it. Go there. You'll be addicted too and you'll find lots of great ideas! I finally organized all of our paperwork and man, does that feel good! I mean look at this space!

The weather. Cabin fever lifted. Spirits have been raised! Oh, we feel good and we are happy! Brady is so excited to be outside, he literally cries when I bring him in. His favorite thing to do is walk up and down our street and point to stuff! It really makes me excited for the summer and trips to the park!

This tote, which is called the Organizing Utility Tote. Bath toys have been an issue in our house since the kid started playing with them. I went to a Thirty-one party a few months ago and got it to use it for bath toys and it works perfectly for them. The best part? The pockets to hold his soap/shampoo and it matches our bathroom! Find it here. I loved it and the other stuff  (especially the 31kids line) so much, I became a consultant for the discount! For reals.

Last but not least.....

This kid. Each day he looks bigger and bigger to me. Since the big haircut, I find myself trying to capture each moment more because I know he won't be this little for much longer. He cracks me up with the things he does and the hugs he gives melt my heart. One of his new things is to say, "oh no!" then hits his knees all while with the most shocking look on his face!

All of these ideas and products are ones I really like and I was not asked or paid to post about them. I just like em! The kid, he's my own and I'm pretty keen on him too.

Life after Reflux: Sleep

Reflux. Oh, I've talked a lot about this on this blog but it consumed a lot of our life the first year and while he is doing much better, I thought I would show you how reflux has evolved. A lot of times I felt lost and if I can help one mom find her way, then I'll be happy! Reflux to me was more than just projectile vomiting, it was so much more to us. Since sleep was one of the most affected areas so I will start there. I know a few moms who are going through reflux hell right now and it's hard. You bring this baby home and the honeymoon period ends and you are never prepared for seeing your baby in pain. I also think that recognizing the signs are so important (and how we treated it) so my next post will talk more about those.

I know I've talked about it over and over here that Brady has never been the best sleeper and to say that is probably an understatement. I thought the newborn days were hard when my newborn who I was told should sleep most of the day was up for most of the day. Then, as he got older his sleeping patterns got worse and worse. I could remember going to work and not even remembering driving there or leaving my cell phone on the roof of my car in a rainstorm. I'm suprised I didn't manage to lose Brady. Then again, if I had done so, I might not have remembered that I did. At the same time, work had ramped up into our busiest time and I was so overwhelmed.

Looking back, I know my hernia surgery was a bit of a blessing in disguise. I got the rest I desperatly needed and Brady got a break from me which he needed. He started sleeping a bit better and then teething started. Reflux+teething=hell. The extra saliva from teething often increases reflux symptoms which paired with an already umcomfortable baby doesn't bode well for dreamland. Throw in some seperation anxiety issues and dreamland is a distant memory!

You know you are desperate when you come home from Target with ten different kinds of pacifiers, 5 lovies and several 'sleep' books.  After reading those books and trying everything in our power to get him to sleep, I read something that clicked. Babies with reflux often have sleep issues not only because of the pain they are in but because they are in pain they often do not learn to self-soothe.

Looking back, this was so true for us. I have talked about Brady and his lack of love for sleep over and over and people look at me like, oh yeah, baby's don't sleep but unless you are in that situation you don't quite get it. Most babies don't really sleep like a baby, reflux or not but having a baby who wakes up because he is in pain is a whole other story. Once I got past that idea that he was going to sleep through the night, things got much better for me. Don't get me wrong, I was still tired but I wasn't ready to run away anymore. Oh, yeah, the thought of running to a hotel for the night crossed my mind a few times or ten hundred. I dreamt about fluffy pillows and soft, cozy comforters. Ok, more like day dream...there was NO dreaming going on in my house.

When Brady turned ten months old, the pukies finally slowed down. He went from puking 10+ times a day to maybe ten times a week. By the time he was a year old, the pukies stopped. Sleep got a bit better for a while. He found ways to self-soothe (rubbing his hair <3)

At 15 months old, we still have rough nights and have been dealing with some super early morning wake-ups (meaning the kid wants to be up for the day anywhere between 4-530 am when he was previously waking up at 6:30...way too early for this mom!) for a few months now. Since the teething started up again, I believe we are having some minor reflux issues again. It's nothing we can't handle but it is definalty causing us to all lose some sleep.

My point in all of this is that for us there was no magic trick, special device or magic number that worked and I think I tried everything in every book! The only thing that worked for us was time. When Brady was ready, he slept. I know how hard that is to accept when you are so desperate for sleep that is not compromised of blocks here and there. Broken sleep is so much worse than no sleep. I've worked full 8 hours plus two hours of commuting on both and niether are fun but something about broken sleep just causes your body not to want to function right (hence the whole roof and cellphone incidents. Yes, there was more than one.)

I read a lot of books and sadly, only one I read even slighly touched reflux or kids with medical problems which is the reason for this post. Most sleep training and techniques do not work with these kiddos and I think that was where I felt lost. No one had good advice and even though they meant well, sometimes things I was told made me feel like I was failing as a mom. I was told babies his age didn't need to get up to eat and I just needed to feed him more during the day (if I have learned anything, food does NOT equal sleep, people!)

 I would wake up exhausted and would question myself. The books say he is going to become dependant on a night feed and he will be still waking up when he's five if we keep going. They said that me getting up with him was going to make him dependant and he'll never be able to STTN. I knew what the books said. They didn't know my kid. I was not about to let my refluxy baby cry so that it could make his reflux worse (yes, crying just makes it worse. It's a lovely cycle.) They didn't know that eating made his tummy feel better and to me if was not a coinicdence that he weaned himself and started STTN the same time the pukies stopped.

Babies are way smarter than we give them credit for. For reals.

I'm not saying that books are not helpful or they do not know what they are talking about because I did learn a lot and they are written by very smart, educated people who do know their stuff. Every baby is different and we found something that worked for us. I trusted my instinct and even though I doubted myself sometimes, in the end, we are alright.  A little tired but  we are alright.

Gone, baby, gone.

The time had come.

It had really come. It was time to get a haircut. Now, please do not think I allowed my child out of the house like that. Ok, I might have a few times. This is how it looked like after he woke up or after I poofed it up for the camera. or all the time.

We went to a place called, The Hairy Elephant which is a kid's 'salon.' Blake joked that only I would find a place that is out of our way and has a silly name but I wanted the first haircut to be a good experience.

Mostly, I didn't want him to fidget and scream and come out looking like he cut his own hair. For reals.

We knew the appointment was early afternoon and most days he still takes a morning nap, well not this one. We tried for over an hour to get him to fall asleep and he passed out on the way there.

I had to wake him up and this is why he looks as if he has no idea where he is....

This is zoned out Brady.

 The first few snips. Watching his curls fall to the floor? Oh man.

 A big kid is emerging! As she was cutting it, she commented it on how 'crazy' his hair is because of the cowlick trifecta. His hair is so thick in the middle, she commented that he has a natural mohawk. Why yes he certainly did for at least seven months of his life until the rest of the hair grew in!

 He did FANTASTIC. With a small head shake or two when she cut his bangs, he stayed mostly still for her. I still cannot believe it. Well, the whole sitting in a car thing and having a TV on with Dora helped.

 Ta-da! He's shocked he looks so good :)

The trifecta is GONE!

He's enjoying a blue messy sucker.....

Patiently waiting for his post haircut pizza. 

 

Diving head first into some cheesy goodness. 

Can someone please tell me when my baby got so big? 

   

All he needs is a remote control!

His own certificate for the baby book! It reads:

Brady (Insert last name which is covered up by a Gap coupon) was very brave and didn't scream or fuss that much even though they brought me to this strange place and covered me in a sheet thing and cut my hair!   As of Today, Feb 12, 2011, I am a big kid and really cool. 


Insert big mommy tears. My baby keeps growing up....sigh.

Time

This picture makes me want to cry. 

Maybe it has a little bit to do with the fact that he is getting his first haircut today or maybe it's because he is looking less and less like a baby each day.

Either way, my baby is growing up. I try to stop time but that has not panned out so well-just like those dang lottery numbers.

Last night, he literally fell asleep in my arms (that is what not napping will do to you) and I asked myself how long it had been since he had done that. I couldn't remember. The kid only stops moving for food and to zone out on whatever is on TV. 

I remember that rainy day in October that we brought him home from the hospital, we both looked at each other like, 'ok, what now?' I fed him and he fell asleep in my arms. That moment instantly stitched a place in my heart. Those were always moments I cherished, ones I looked forward to each night. The moments between sleepiness and dreamland might have been full of snuggles and kisses but they were simple moments chiseled out in time just for the two of us. 

I sat there and I watched his breath rise up and down like I did when he was fresh out of the womb. 

He placed his little hand directly on my chest like he has done for as long as I can remember. 

He curled up to me and I snuggled in closer. 

I looked down at him and saw traces of the tiny newborn he once was. His pouty bottom lip drawn open and his toes curled in. 

His hair has grown longer and blonder that he curls between his fingers.

The chunky rolls have changed into lanky arms that he uses to hug me.  

His legs are longer and leaner from all the running. 

His mouth is full of teeth but the adorable dimples remain the same. 

His eyes are still blue as ever but in them I see more personality and strength behind them. 

I think to myself will I remember these moments when he is older? Will I forget the scent of his tiny little body? Will I forget how I used to watch him sleep and forget the feeling of having him snuggled next to me?

I can't say for sure but one thing I will never forget is how much I love this kid.

I am sure he'll never forget that either.

Sometimes....

I think at this point, 99% of us have the Winter Blues. The past two weeks we have had freezing weather dipping down to the single digits, sleet, snow and ice so we've spent quite a bit of time inside which can spell disaster with a toddler. Cabin Fever might set in but there are some simple cures. Follow my plan and you might only go half crazy and have a little fun while you are at it!

First, you must wear your winter hat inside. Don't forget to take a lot of pictures!

 You have to embrace sunshine and warmth when we are blessed with it! Wait, what does that feel like?

 I think we are all dreaming of more pictures like this, right?

If there is snow, play in it. Run around till your nose turns a nice shade of pink and Mommy gets tired. Usually, the latter happens first! 

Maybe mow the lawn... 

You have to laugh A LOT!

 You can't forget to make a creepy looking snowman

 Play hide-n-seek and officially wear mommy out.

Go inside, snuggle up with some hot tea (warm milk for him!)

You might just need to wear three hats at one time! Take more pictures. 

                   
The best thing to do?

Well, sometimes, you just have to wear mommy's sweater, your winter hat and your new summer sandals at the same time.

Add some accessories and you'll capture memories that you won't soon forget. 

Chhhhanges....

I know I said that there was some construction going on but it's taking longer than I thought! Ha, story of my life right? Anyway, I finally added Brady's birth story up at the top! Just a warning, it's quite long!

Also, I'm curious to know who is out there! I've had a lot of new followers lately and I love finding new blogs. I'm also updating my blogroll and if you want me to add you, let me know!

Mommy Fail #238

My husband got me a hand-stamped necklace that I have been wanting. We actually ordered one for my MIL and when it came, I showed it to him. He got a confused look on his face.

husband: So, how did you get those names on there?
me: I included it with the order...
husband: um, so let's say you order one and....ok, so I got you one.

I laughed and emailed the seller and gave her the info.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, it finally came in the mail.

It was exactly what I wanted, well except for one thing.

I looked closely and noticed the birth date:

10-26-10

Now, that would be great if I had a THREE month old and not a 15 month old. He was born in 2009!

Oops.

Ok, so we all make mistakes.

I on the other hand? I can't just make one.

I made this so long ago and it's been hanging in his room for at least the past six months.

I walk by it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

Double oops. 

I probably would not have noticed it if it were not for the necklace snafu. The saddest part? I checked it over and over for spelling errors. I obviously didn't check it for my own error of stupidity. 

Since we are expecting a blizzard, I'll be stuck inside chanting my son's REAL birth date over and over in hopes that I do not accidentally sign him up for Kindergarten a year late or something. 

The First Year: Mommy Part 1

Ok, I know, two posts in one day? Well, I wrote this right before Brady's birthday and never published it (and before I decide NOT to, I'm going to push the orange button.)  I was doing so well and have succumbed to the holidays and craziness that is my life and felt it was silly to post this when I'm not following the best habits at this moment.  These thoughts, these ideas and these goals are still apparent in my life and I'm slowly working on getting back into it 100%!  I've updated it a bit to make it more relevant to what is going on now. I wrote this as I know a lot of women are concerned, curious and unsure of what happens to their bodies after pregnancy. My journey has been a bit different, (ok, unusual) but I've learned a bit LOT along the way about myself.

My body hasn't had an easy run this past year. I housed a baby. Had said baby surgically removed. Had an open wound for most of my maternity leave. If that wasn't enough, my body decided to require another surgery. Throw in a few bulging disks (four!) in my neck and a fat baby and I think that is enough for one body for a years time.

Nope. This body has found a way to loose a large sum of weight. I gained thirty something pounds during my pregnancy. I'm fully aware that half of that might have been in my feet and I may or may not have look like the Staypuft man but alas, a lot of it came off the first three weeks.

Really. I peed waterfalls.

For weeks.

Add in a mobile baby, no time to sit on my fat butt, eating mostly healthy diet full of fruits, veggies and whole grains and that thing called exercise and I'm currently about 10 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight!

That means Ive lost about 45 pounds in the past year. That is almost two Brady's!

I won't lie and say it has been easy. We started bike riding and many nights I wanted to stay home and go to bed early. I wanted to give up because I wasn't seeing any results but I felt better. This fall, I had people coming up to me asking me if I lost weight! That should have given me an incentive to continue but when sleep regression happens, working out becomes my absolute last priority. Evenings are my time with Brady so I have to push myself to work out after he goes to bed. I know any mom that says that is easy is lying!

I won't lie and say I'm happy with how things look because I have a long way to go. I gained a ton of weight after I was in a car accident two weeks before my wedding (hello funky neck) and I got into a lot of bad habits. 

My child pushed  a lot of those bad habits out of me. He eats what we eat so we mostly eat healthy. We strive to be healthy to teach Brady good habits. Now, that doesn't mean we don't indulge because we do (did you see my child dive into that cake?)

Pregnancy, two surgeries and a sucky complication left me with scars and stretch marks that I will carry with me forever.

I know my body has been through a lot. I From swelling up during so much of my pregnancy and then rapidly deflating weeks after his birth, I have more stretch marks than I would like. I'm not going to lie and say I'm 100% comfortable in my skin because even though I'm aware of what my body has done and what has been done to it, I want to look like myself again. I think that is just human nature.

 My stomach literally looks like it's been to hell and back. My boobs? While they have shrunk down to a somewhat proportionate size, they are not the same as they were. The c-section scar has faded to almost nonexistent but my hernia scars (like all 8 or 9 of them) are just as vivid at ever.

I think those are what bother me most. Not because they are most apparent but they remind me of a time in my life that was really hard. I know in my heart that one day, I'll look at them in a different light but at this time, they remind me of a dark place.

Thanks to genetics, I obsessively freaked out about getting stretch marks my entire pregnancy and probably went through a gazillion tubes of lotions and oils. I do now realize that was a waste of money since I was lucky to get most of them after he was born.

While they are not my pride possessions, they don't bother me and actually have faded quite a bit over the course of the last year. I don't plan on stepping out in a teenie bikini but they are a part of me and I accept them.

Of course, I'd love my perky 25 year old boobs back and fit into a size two again but that isn't going to happen unless I win the lottery, get implants and Jillian Michael's moves in with me. (The latter would not be my first choice. I had to stop the 30 Day Shred because I wanted to throw things at her and I may or may not have cursed a lot.)

So, while I've fallen off the wagon the last few weeks thanks to crazed schedules and birthday madness, the last few months thanks to my lack of willpower and my child's sleep regression but there are just excuses.  I'm getting back on. My brother and my father both have been diagnosed with diabetes in the past year and Blake's mother was diagnosed years ago.  We have lost friends. We have lost family to awful sicknesses and diseases. We standby friends and family while they fight to survive and support them through preventable and not so preventable diseases and shortcomings.

My body created a life. My body gave me a new outlook on life by giving me my child. The best I can do is treat her kindly.

I used to want to look good for that sole reason but then again who doesn't?

 Now?  I want to feel good. I want my child to understand why we eat the foods we do. To be the best role model I can be. To run right alongside our children and to keep up! To keep the diseases we can prevent at bay. More importantly, I want to be the best ME that I can be for my son.

Those scars and stretch marks? Those are battle wounds to remind me of why I need to treat her well. I am eternally grateful to her for giving me my son and it is my responsibility to repay her in this way.

To never let me forget how far we've come the last year and the hurdles we faced.

I think that the best part of all of this is that motherhood has taught me to appreciate my imperfections.

I know when I was pregnant, it was one of my bigger fears among many other things I obsessed over. I write honestly here (and hopefully not scare anyone, ha!) and I want to assure many of you reading that after it is all said and done and no matter what you look like in the end, you will find acceptance in yourself you never knew was there. Bringing a life into this world is nothing short of a miracle and we need to give ourselves credit for that. I know that you are probably reading this and going, 'yeah, whatever' but it will happen. It won't happen over night but it will. I think it took me at least a year to come to terms with his birth, the complications and everything else. Once I was able to move past that I was truly able to accept my imperfections. I know as mothers we put a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves and that is a whole other post but motherhood is amazing in this way.

As I have said many times before, motherhood has made me a better person. This is just another amazing example of the beauty of motherhood and while we all struggle in different ways, we should all embrace it this way. I have a feeling at some point, all of you will.

15 months

Brady man,

15 months? Where has my little baby gone? If I asked you, you'd point to yourself and go, "me, me, me!"  

Each day little man, I see more and of a little boy and less of  the wee baby you once were. I can tell you that you have changed so much over the last month! It's not been the easiest month as you now have TWELVE...I repeat T-W-E-L-V-E teeth. It seems like yesterday you gave me a sweet gummy smile!

 

"Me! Me! Me!'

Your vocab blossoms everyday. You have so many words, I'm not sure I even know all of them. Eh Do No (I don't know) and 'Oh no!' new staples around here. Giraffe, Bra (zebra), dog, more (you wont say it unless I ask a 100 times,) Roar (lion), Amy, 'all done' There are so many more, I really just can't keep up!

You have also caught on to the fact that my name is not just momma but Amy. I hear you saying it around the house, in the car and at Target. In the car the other day, I heard you say, 'momma! Amy! momma! Amy!'

I know how smart you are but this just amazes me but I really wish you would go back to calling me momma. Mommy, ma, mom. Those are good names too.

 You can point to your eyes, nose, ears, belly, teeth and hair. This is what happens half the time we ask you to point to your nose.

You are always on the go. You never stop moving and are such a busy bee. This month you officially have lived up to your the whole toddler thing. Trust me. I'll spare you the details but one word has been rampant this month: Tantrums.

You love to do 'big kid' things and you want to do them yourself. Brush your teeth, put the lid on your sippy cup, talk on mommy's cell phone, 'clean' and  use your ball popper to 'vaccum." The broom is still a favorite on your list and even though you have your own, mom's is still cooler!

 We've had a lot of snow this month but we haven't been able to get out to enjoy much of it since it's been SO cold. You love to watch out the window and in your eyes, I can see the anticipation of spring. I can't wait to watch you run outside and I am so excited for this summer than ever!

I think we are nearing the time for your first haircut. Your hair has been getting in your eyes and the back of it is starting to get super long (ok, it resembles a mini mullet.) Of course, momma finds every single excuse NOT to do it. It's snowing. It's Tuesday. It's too cold. I just love your curls. When your in the tub they spiral up and grow into the perfect little molded rings. They are so sweet just like you. 

 You are just into EVERYTHING! In case you forgot the Brown Shugga Incident of 2011 and the latest TP incident, mom remembers. In fact, I have it all on camera. I can't wait to show your girlfriends.

(not the best picture but I had to show you the cell phone bandit!)

You are just like your father and are drawn to all things electronics. Cell phones, remotes, turning the TV on and off, daddy's PlayStation controller...but mom's cell phone is your absolute favorite and taking it away makes your very, very mad!

You still love to read. It's always been one of your favorite activities but it's also mine. You bring one of your books (usually one with animals in it) and sit down next to me or on my lap. You crack up as I point to each animal and make the sound. Your monkey impersonation makes me literally laugh our loud and smile (video to come!)  ear to ear! You amazed me a while back when you said, "giraffe, Bra (zebra!)

You now will sit down by yourself and 'read' a book. Sometimes you'll lay down on a pillow with book in hand. Watching you doing this seriously melts my heart but it assures me you are growing up too fast!

You had your 15 month checkup the other day and oh boy, you are still a big boy! You have slimmed down quite a bit but you still weigh 25.5 pounds (70%) and are over 32 inches (89%.) I'm pretty sure you just went through a growth spurt because size 5 diapers are getting snug, size 6 shoes fit and your 18 month clothes are starting to get snug. I pick you up and you are definitely not tiny anymore!

 You melt my heart every single moment of your life. You come up behind me and just give the biggest bear hug or lay your head on my shoulder. Your new thing is blowing kisses and you dish those out to ALL the ladies.

 You love to snuggle with blankets and go, 'night night' when you find a pillow. You come to me blanket in hand and I wrap you up. You giggle and I remember a time when you were wrapped tightly as a newborn. 

 The past few months you think that hiding is so funny. Your laugh so hard and it fills our home and our hearts. It is so contagious and that smile is unforgettable. It's the first thing I see in the morning and what I dream about at night (um, if you let your momma sleep!)

Brady, I know the end of your baby days are nearing but you will always be my baby. You will always be there to make me smile and to fill my heart with pure joy.  I love watching you grow into this amazing little boy and I know one day I'll be saying the same as you grow into a wonderful man. (not too soon, ok!)

It used to make me so sad to watch you grow so fast and in a way it still does but each day you show me something new and make me so excited for each new day!

Love you to pieces my love.

Momma (or Amy)

Little faces of hope

I read about these two little girls on another blog. It's been a week or so since I read the post and  I cannot stop thinking about them or the other babies out there who live in a world without momma's, da-da's, or Amy's. :)

 To have a mother's eyes look at them and smile because they know a greater love.

To miss their mom when she leaves or to run to her with open arms.

More than anything, I wonder each day what it could be like for them not to know how it feels to be loved the way that I love Brady.

So, go on over and support these babies and others out there. I've always had a special place in my heart for children, more so with special needs but as a mom myself, I can't imagine a child being in this world without the kind of love that I feel for my child. It's sad and unfair that babies like Sophie and Clara might have to wait longer than other babies to find that love and security of family.

 

I know it's made me reevaluate some things in our lives and one day I hope we might be able to give a child a family that they've been waiting for...

More Tales of tantruming toddlers

I can only attest to a few of the millions of reasons why teething sucks but these are my top reasons why teething is no friend of mine.

1. Sleep? What sleep? Those teeth must decide to get up and party several times a night because there is NO sleeping going on in THAT room of the house. Not only does the teeth decide to wake up but they want to extend that party into the wee hours of the morning leaving mom feeling like she stayed up late partying but in reality spent those hours getting yelled at. I'm not sure about you but that is not my idea of fun.

2. Remember the awful witching hour from the tiny baby days? It comes back with a vengeance. Don't expect to get anything accomplished or contain any sanity from ooh 530-7:30 (lately 7:30 is bedtime here.)

Actually our night goes like this:
Brady screams at me. Hold his arms up to be picked up.
He screams at me because I picked him up.
I put him down.
He screams at me because I put him down.
He wants milk.
He screams at me because I give him milk.
He wants to lay on the couch at a 45 degree angle with his milk.
He screams at me for making him lay down.
Try to distract him with funny faces and fun toys.
Brady screams louder.
Bring out our friend Motrin.
Rinse and repeat until bedtime.

3. I can't even talk about this without cringing myself. Teeth grinding. Brady does it SO loudly that I can hear it across the room. I cringe. He laughs and does it again.

and again.

If you see a mom running down the streets screaming, that might just be me.

4. Tantrums. This side effect can happen at anytime or place and spare no dignity. Your kid wants to play with knives or throw canned good sat the cat and while you might not see that as a good idea, he on the other hand is quite pissed you took it away. Other things that can increase the chances of being yelled...well, just go back to #2.

 Teething just adds extra oomph to the tantrums. They get louder, bigger and extra flops are added to really make you crazy.

Yep. I'm pretty sure that these kids have their own blogs, toddlerbook, or some telepathic course that causes them to secretly plot against us.

I swear that Brady high-fived a kid at Target the other day but then again, I might be a bit delusional from lack of sleep and the constant sound of tiny teeth grinding.

Testing your strength

It is so funny how being a mom can test your strength on a daily basis in different ways. A while back, Brady practically shooed me out the door, I was hurt. It is a moment as a mother you expect to happen and when it does you are never prepared.

Then, a month or so ago something else happened and I changed my tone of thought completely. My niece has been watching him the past few months on Tuesday's for a while and he knows her and loves her. The week before, his grandma watched him and he didn't see her. She walked in the door and he smiled at her but as I left, I could see a bit of something unwavering.

I drove to my meeting and then I received a text from her. She said that he kept going to the door looking for me.  I carried that with me the whole day. I kept imagining him looking at the door with sadness in his eyes and my heart burst into tiny pieces. I later called her to see how he was doing and she said he was in such a good mood singing and dancing that the 10 minutes this morning he cried when I left didn't seem to phase him.

ME in utter shock and disbelief: WHAT? HE CRIED?
HER trying to make me feel better I think: Yes, only for 10-15 minutes and then he's been fine since.

Oh man.  Of course I was sad. I felt awful for leaving him and I wanted to never leave him again.

Later that day, I walked in the door and he yelled so loud my ears almost popped, MOMMA (back when he called me that, ha!) The pieces of my broken heart slowly mended back together. He was in a good mood. He was playing with her and giving her books to read. He was fine. He is fine.

Since then, each morning as I step out the door, Brady waves to me out the window. He gives me a goodbye kiss and hug but I can always tell I am keeping him from his fun and I go on my merry way.

You see, I'm not sad anymore. While I'll never feel 100% good about leaving my child, I know he is in good hands. He is safe but most importantly he feel safe. 

Crying or shoeing me away will happen, maybe tomorrow or when he's 25. It will happen again and as he gets older, it will get harder. As painstakingly as it will be, I will remember the laughter and smiles I see each day I get home to him.

 Brady is at the age where he understands that me walking out that door means I'm leaving. If I can't be there with him, I can leave him in hands I trust. Today it might be our sitter and someday it will be a teacher, or to a friend's parent for a sleepover, and someday even to his wife.

I think motherhood is like that. It's the difficult moments like this that strengthen you as a mom. It makes you stronger and it makes you a better mother. Either way, it changes you.

Inspired

This is near and dear to my heart. I have worked with children with developmental disabilities since I was 19 and the message in this video is amazingly beautiful. Inspiring, full of love and hope.

My son will be raised accepting and loving those of all abilities and it is our duty as parents to teach that. In what I do, I see and hear so much of the opposite but families tell me that acceptance is spreading.  I think that is what we all crave at some point in our life and these amazing little souls deserve that.

If you can, please donate to the Oneder fund. It goes to the National Down Syndrome Association, and if you can't donate, pass this on. Let's help meet the goal!

Little letters to keep my sanity

To the person who not be named that birthed my husband;
 I am not pregnant. I have not been pregnant in over 14 months. You know, since oh the day I birthed my son.  So, I'm sorry to disappoint but Brady is not spilling any family secrets. He is not lifting up your shirt and saying baby. He is saying belly. I can understand and interpret toddler speak so trust me on this one

He also is not kissing your belly. Actually, he is trying to bite it. He will bite anything he can find; your arm, your nose, your big toe and even your boob if it gets in the line of fire. So, watch out. Those suckers might be little but they are nothing to mess with. Trust me, I stuck one in there today and almost lost an index finger.

With love,
 The not pregnant and wife of one of the babies you birthed.


Dear baby Tylenol,
 I love you. Thank you for existing in my molar hell.
 with pure appreciation and adoration,
Momma of a molar sprouting baby

Dear Brady,
Yes, my name is Amy but I am your momma. Please go back to calling me momma and not by my surname.
Love,
MOMMA...MOMMA!
ps. I know you are busy growing FOUR stinking molars at once but can you sleep again at night, please? w/ a bag of brown shugga on top?

To any teenager thinking of ever having sex,
First of all, don't you watch Teen Mom? IAnyway, I am starting a teenage abstinence program. Ha, you laugh now. Just come spend the day with my (FOUR at a time) molar sprouting baby and I think you get why I am starting the program. It works. I can guarantee it. We will let you enjoy several lovely night wakings, a wide eyed baby at 5 am, grocery store meltdowns and the biting rampages all WITHOUT a single dose of relief bringing Tylenol. While you are dealing with that you will have to look presentable for work, write and get that report in by the deadline for work, make dinner, do 10 loads of tiny pieces of laundry without loosing a pair of baby socks, make sure the house doesn't look like WWII hit, cure world hunger and keep said baby happy all at the same time.

Sound scary doesn't it?

If you are still interested, please seek psychological help immediately.

Sincerely,
The management

When momma steps away.....

Brady has a pretty damn good time. It all started when I went to the other room to ::gasp:: go to the bathroom and I found this.......

and a whole lotta this:

I decided it was a good time to learn how to clean up

 He decided he was over that whole 'cleaning' thing

 This was much better than cleaning.

If you see a toddler bouncing off the walls and running around like a wild man, that's my kid on his first (oh yes, birthday cake!) second sugar high.

 Whew, making messes is hard work. I'll just sit down for a while.....

 Right here looks good. Right in this big pile of brown shugga

 Never mind, must eat it all before Momma Amy comes back.

 Hmmm, why are my fingers stuck together?

Oh, man! The fun is over!

I'll show her.