Nope. No end of the year wrap up here.
I thought about it and started it but I couldn't go any further than January. We had some amazing moments.
Moments that will be ingrained into my soul for a lifetime but honestly, there are moments where I just cannot go back too. I'm sure most people would say it might be cathartic to do so but the holidays showed me what we were missing.
Who we were missing.
I can honestly say that I feel like I was robbed of my naive former self. I was blessed not knowing what it was to grieve, to experience loss. I had never seen a dead person before and I can't say that their faces do not haunt me because they do.
I know what can happen and I won't lie and say that it hasn't changed me. That it hasn't made me more of a helicopter mom. When I found that lump on Brady, the immediate thoughts ran through my head were awful. When I found out a client of mine mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease, I found myself terrified of leaving my child behind.
The past year has been a test of strength to say the least. It has made me who I am today and even when faced with adversity, I will get through.
I will be okay.
We will be okay. It was hard for us as a family but even more difficult for us as a couple but we weathered through. We are stronger and we can get through anything.
I realized that life is too short to live unhappily which sparked my decision to apply to graduate school. As we watched Matt graduate two months before his death and even though he had to make a lot of sacrifices (move away from his friends and family,) we knew how determined and important it was to him. I can thank him for pushing me to do this.
I realized that the moments we have in life are not to be discounted.
So, as we say good-bye to another year, I say good-bye to my old self. The girl that was naive in believing that life is easy and indefinite. I'm a new woman who is not weakened but strengthened by all that life has given me.
I say hello to a new year and a year full of surprises yet to come. A year to watch my child grow and blossom into beautiful soul he is. New words. New experiences. New moments.
A fresh start towards a new career.
A fresh slate to write my story.
I know that there will be hard times ahead. What is different this time is that I know I will get through and I will always come out ahead. We will always come out ahead.
You are going to be great!