Why we do the things we do.

Before that pregnancy test was even dry, I was already overcome with emotions. I looked down at the 4 tests, I looked down to see dark glaring double lines....I thought, 'oh my god, you're pregnant! Suddenly the emotions permeated through my body. Happiness, giddiness, excitement, nervousness.....and the overwhelming sense of worry.

I started over analyzing every symptom, every twinge, and ever single thing happening to my body. I scoured websites, read books, and made the mistake of reading message boards that were filled with the words that I feared most. Miscarriage. (one note of caution for those preggo or planning on it--stay AWAY from the internets. They can lead you to very scary places, lol!)

Cramps came and went. I freaked out a bit, and then learned that they are normal in early pregnancy (hey, who knew!) Nausea came and went (mostly came....lol) and I was swearing to anyone that this was going to be our one and only child!

Finally the day came and it was time for the first ultrasound. It was going to be full of happy memories, or a painful voyage. As the ultrasound tech guided the wand around, I looked at the screen and there it was. A little blob. A cute little blob (Personally, I think it is the cutest blob ever but I might be a bit biased.) Then, I saw the most magical and miraculous wonder I have ever set my eyes upon. The little flutter of our baby's heartbeat. She slowly turned a knob and I felt my eyes welt up. There it was in all of its glory. The most amazing sound my ears have ever heard (and man, I have heard some good things in my life.)
I heard the heartbeat. I sat there misty eyed, and amazed.

I felt good.

My baby was safe.

That reassurance comes and goes. I got to hear that sweet swoosh again on Monday, and again, it was a sound of relief. What that ultrasound tech said to me that first day has stuck with me. Through every twinge, and through ever tiny sense of worry, what she said echo’s in my mind.

Worrying is part of being a mother.

She is right. From that moment, I saw those two lines (on a total of 7 different tests. yes, 7) I was instantly a mom. In a matter of minutes, we became parents. Carrying this baby is just the beginning. We have a whole lives of worry ahead. With that come the joys and happiness. I can't wait to suck it all in!