Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why we do the things we do.

Before that pregnancy test was even dry, I was already overcome with emotions. I looked down at the 4 tests, I looked down to see dark glaring double lines....I thought, 'oh my god, you're pregnant! Suddenly the emotions permeated through my body. Happiness, giddiness, excitement, nervousness.....and the overwhelming sense of worry.

I started over analyzing every symptom, every twinge, and ever single thing happening to my body. I scoured websites, read books, and made the mistake of reading message boards that were filled with the words that I feared most. Miscarriage. (one note of caution for those preggo or planning on it--stay AWAY from the internets. They can lead you to very scary places, lol!)

Cramps came and went. I freaked out a bit, and then learned that they are normal in early pregnancy (hey, who knew!) Nausea came and went (mostly came....lol) and I was swearing to anyone that this was going to be our one and only child!

Finally the day came and it was time for the first ultrasound. It was going to be full of happy memories, or a painful voyage. As the ultrasound tech guided the wand around, I looked at the screen and there it was. A little blob. A cute little blob (Personally, I think it is the cutest blob ever but I might be a bit biased.) Then, I saw the most magical and miraculous wonder I have ever set my eyes upon. The little flutter of our baby's heartbeat. She slowly turned a knob and I felt my eyes welt up. There it was in all of its glory. The most amazing sound my ears have ever heard (and man, I have heard some good things in my life.)
I heard the heartbeat. I sat there misty eyed, and amazed.

I felt good.

My baby was safe.

That reassurance comes and goes. I got to hear that sweet swoosh again on Monday, and again, it was a sound of relief. What that ultrasound tech said to me that first day has stuck with me. Through every twinge, and through ever tiny sense of worry, what she said echo’s in my mind.

Worrying is part of being a mother.

She is right. From that moment, I saw those two lines (on a total of 7 different tests. yes, 7) I was instantly a mom. In a matter of minutes, we became parents. Carrying this baby is just the beginning. We have a whole lives of worry ahead. With that come the joys and happiness. I can't wait to suck it all in!

12 comments:

Jennelle said...

Amy, that's so awesome! I can't wait to have kids. Even though I know we're so not ready yet. I hope we get there soon!

Emily said...

Wow great post! The 7 tests...totally sounds like something I would do. haha Just hopefully not for a looonngg time. =-)

Julia said...

Beautiful post, Amy. I think we can all relate on some level.

I wonder what it means to be a 'worrier' when I'm not even a mother yet? Hmmmm, perhaps that is just plain old neuroses on my part then:)

N. said...

As I wipe tears from my eyes...
awww, Amy! That was beautiful!
I can't even imagine what you're feeling, but I am so excited for you!

Sarah said...

awesome post. so well written. i have goosebumps! :)

Brooke Breedlove said...

Aww I can't wait for these moments in my life! Congrats again!

Lynsey T said...

I'm such a baby. Your post was so lovely and just made me all teary as well. I have a feeling you're a really good Mama already.

Lisa said...

Oh, Amy, what a great post!!! I'm tearing up over here...

Mary said...

I can't imagine how much your life changes in the time you see those two little lines (on seven tests!). It gets turned completely upside-down, but in a good way. What a great post.

Maria said...

Beautiful post Amy!!!

Mrs. Dirnberger said...

This is a very touching post and I think I relate to it very well!

mxq said...

thanks for sharing amy! it was a lovely post and i'm so excited for you.