I had an appointment with my allergist on Friday. I went in thinking my asthma was acting up because Blake has told me that I have been breathing really heavily (no, no explicit dreams or anything) in the middle of the night. He would push at me and tell me to roll over or move because and I quote 'i didn't want you to die' (thanks hubs, I'm glad you like me enough to not let me die)
So, anyway. I go to my doc on Friday. I see the nurse, she weighs me and i get faintly excited because i lost 5 pounds from the last time i was at the gym. (i know scales can be different but lets at least let me think I've lost 5 pounds, k?)
After she shoves me into a room, a tall swanky man comes in (not my doctor, I'm assuming he is an intern and is just going to talk to me) He asks me what is wrong, and blah blah blah. We'll let's listen to you lungs. Ok, fine enough. I'm just gonna look into your nose.
OH SWEET JESUS! He rammed that thing so far into my nostril i think brain fluid starting oozing out. Thinking it was just an accident I let him shove it into my right nostril. NOPE! Again, i think I'm bleeding. Can i see my doctor now for pete's sake?
Then, he shoves it into my ear and yep, he rams it into there like he is digging for gold!
WTF? Did this guy just get out of class because I think I could do a better job. I mean seriously. And I hope he washed his hands before he touched me. I don't know where he has been (or if he has caused others to ooze bodily fluids)
Oh, it gets better. He then proceeds to ask more questions. Well, would your husband say that it seemed like you were gasping for air? Are you tired often? (um, yes, but i see where you are going with this and I don't think it's sleep apnea)
Then, the question. "So, how are you with your weight gain?'
Come again? What do you mean, HOW AM I with my weight gain? Am I happy about it? HELL NO. Do i need you reminding me that i can no longer fit into half of the clothes in my closet? Um, i think i'm going to say--NO!
He looks at my chart, hmmm. yea, it looks like you've gained some weight since you've been here last. Thanks, jerk wad ass face, like I didn't know that and thanks for reminding me. It's not like the tight pants i am wearing didn't already remind me of that, oh yeah, or that GIANT scale that i stepped on when i got here.
Thanks buddy. Call me when you become a real doctor so i can know who NOT to go to. As I sit there waiting for my injuries to heal, I think i might have said a little prayer or ten hoping that he didn't come back in. He did but luckily with my doctor, the guy who doesn't injure me when he examines me.
He gives me new allergy meds, and thinks that congestion is causing the heaving breathing. He didn't examine me, or anything just looked over the notes from Dr. Doom. Hmmm...i would have felt more comfortable if he would have at least looked in my nose to make sure the brain matter has stopped oozing out.