Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A mother is born.

Last week, I was sitting at the lab, waiting to take my glucose test, which I freaking failed. More to come on that later. Another person waiting in the office started up conversation with another pregnant woman sitting on the other side of the room.

We made small talk and learned she was having her first baby.

It feels like it was just yesterday that I was sitting where she was. Nervously anticipating this new little life, unsure of what he would look like and fantasizing our new lives as parents. I felt prepared as we brought our baby home and looking back, there was no way to prepare me for what was to come or what my heart was about to endure.

Now, I'm seven months into my 2nd pregnancy with a 2 1/2 year old in tow. I think of all the things I'd tell that woman whose life was about to change in a way that holds no proper words.

I would tell myself that you'll look at the world in a whole new light. Everything is so much more beautiful, amazing and scary all at once. You'll find beauty in things you never noticed and you'll find worry in unexpected places.

I would tell myself that being a mom is hard, really hard.  Nothing can ever prepare you for it.

You'll watch too many episodes of Dora and wonder how the hell she manages to move around with that big ol' head.

You will repeat yourself a lot and forget things even if you swear to have the best memory.

You'll defend your choices, stand your ground and find a voice you didn't know you had.

There is no limit to what your heart can hold.

I read a quote once that described motherhood as having your heart walk around outside of you and its the truest of truths. You feel that child's happiness, their sadness and their pain and find you would do just about anything to keep tears at bay.

The thing that I could never really get across or express enough is the love and the emotions that come along with this new life. There are no words to describe how you feel when you pick up that tiny, helpless little being for the first time and you immediately forget what life was like before. The feeling you get inside when you  watch your child's face light up as he experiences something for the first time.

There are no words to express how you feel inside when your sweet baby call you by name or tells you, "I wuv you, momma!" for the first time.

Those are sheer emotions that bear no name. There is no word or phrase that can truly come close to fitting that feeling that wells up inside of you. It's a raw and powerful emotion that embraces you tightly and gently. It is pure perfection.

As we both went our separate ways, I could not help but smile. I smile at beauty that lies ahead for her. I smile because that is simply what motherhood does to you. It brings a sense of peace and pure contentment to you life. I can honestly say, motherhood has completed and fulfilled me in a way I never expected.

I smile because I simply cannot imagine my life any other way.

Then, I smile just thinking of who introduced me into motherhood and simply because I get to see this everyday.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
-- Rajneesh


Julia said...

what a beautiful post, Amy. Could not have said it better myself. I always feel tender-hearted to first time moms,too, for the exact reasons you listed.

LC said...

Perfect and beautiful. I was actually thinking about this the other day. How did I ever enjoy spring before Ethan was here? It is so much more beautiful and I never even realized it...

Carrie said...

To quote a blogger friend of mine, "If this was Facebook, I'd 'like' this post." ;)