Lesson 1 of Parenthood: Never say never.
You will eat your words faster than your child can fill a diaper.
Watch how I learned:
She said she doesn't have time to shower? I will not be one of those moms, how hard can it be?
Reality: Inserting foot into mouth.
End result: Finding time to take a peace pee or drink some peace coffee is deemed a vacation.
I'll get SO much done on maternity leave!
Reality: Ha ha ha. Insert fussy refluxy baby who doesn't sleep. EVER!
End result: A shower and brushed teeth =very accomplished day!
No solids till at least 6 months!
Reality: Brady had reflux and a good spoonful of solids was supposed to help a bit. I would have tried anything at that point to make food stay down and his belly comforted.
End result: Orange puke.
I would exclusively breastfeed my child until at least 6 months
Reality: My boobs=uncooperative.
End Result: He is still being fed and growing like a weed!
My kid will not watch TV!
Reality: I caved because watching him watch the little man dance on TV makes his eyes bright and the corners of his mouth turn up.
End result: A bit of dancing to the music!
Babies in my bed? Right...
Reality: The only possible way for this child to sleep the first 4 months.
End result: Happy momma, happy baby!
My child will NEVER throw fits like that!
Reality: My child throws fits in the grocery store after lacerating a package of goat cheese with his vampire teeth.
End Result: I wasn't embarrassed and only half the store stared at us.
My house will NEVER turn into a daycare
Reality: Toys= distraction for a separation anxiety ridden, leg clinging baby and a mom with a full bladder.
End result: Mom might not have to add more kegals into her almost non-existing workout routine.
I will have an amazing birth and that first moment will be amazing.
Reality: Baby did not come out of there, it came out of there. Things got crazy, things got scary.
End Result: First moment was a day late yet still amazing and a beautiful memory.
Parenting can't be that hard.
Reality: Lack of sleep+ fussy baby+lots of puke+working full-time=half crazed, meeting forgetting, milk stained, full-time wearer of ponytails, and bags under eyes sporting mom.
End Result: Wouldn't trade any sleepless night, puked on shirt or those bags under my eyes for anything!