If you have read this blog for a while, you know that Brady's birth wasn't ideal, nor was the recovery. I think about it a lot, and wonder if I will ever be ready to have another?
Let me add this disclaimer by saying no, I am not pregnant, I do not plan on it soon, it's just something that I think about a lot. Brady is getting older, and I know that I wanted my kids about 2 years apart. So, the time will come when I will want another but I have this voice in the back of my head that tell me 'no way in hell will you put me through that again.'
There are a few things I know that we most likely will not have to face again. Brady's pnuemothorax (hole in his lung) was an odd circumstance, and most likely, we will not have to go through that again. The cord being wrapped around his neck? Maybe. Maybe not.
Then, there is that part about how I felt being cut into.
THAT part sucked, and why I was so out of it after his birth (you know since they told Blake they gave me the strongest pain med they had.) Knowing my history that this happened before, hopefully they can plan ahead and go a different route with medications or there is something else that we can do differently (that is if I don't get my VBAC I really want.) I know this is something we can possibly control.
The whole VBAC thing. Do I dare try? I know how disappointed if the end result if another c-section and who knows I may not even be a good candidate taking into consideration all the scar tissue I probably have from 'the complication.'
The complication or as the medical people call it-the hematoma.
My dr. said it most likely will happen again. How do I deal with something like that with a newborn, AND wild man Brady running around?
Most people go into a pregnancy excited, and joyous, but will I be able to enjoy it? Will I worry about these things the entire time?
I guess it is one of those things that we have to wait and see. Until I am ready to even think about all of this, I guess it will be one of those things in the back of my mind.
What is the point of this post? I have no idea other than to just get it out. When I was pregnant with Brady, I worried about everything, so I know about the worry. The next time I will know more, and have more to fear. Sometimes knowledge can be a bad thing.