Scary (part two.)...2nd time a charm?

I woke up this morning at 4 am (when I should be feeding my baby), and it was happening again. We decided to change the dressing and look at it in the morning. It looked like it was going to be okay so we got ready to pick up Brady when it started gushing again. As it did, so did the tears. I was so disappointed, so frustrated, and just everything all rolled into one. I was so excited to see my baby but I felt robbed...and my heart sank. I started sobbing harder. I think I cried the whole way to the hospital. My poor husband, he deserves a medal for all that he has done for me lately.....

We headed out to the ER for the 2nd time in less than 24 hours. I still had tape marks and bruises from them trying 4x's on my right arm to get an IV started (They joked that all the blood came out my belly that they couldn't get any from my arms but they eventually got it on the left hand..).....I shouldn't be back. I should NOT be here.

We wait for what seems like forever in the room when they tell me my OB is coming after she delivers a baby at the hospital across the street. I feel a bit relieved knowing she will be there and the one helping me. Then part of me panics....praying I didn't need the whole thing opened up again. Surgery=hospital stay. Hospital stay=no Brady.

We got there around quarter till 11 am and my ob came to see my an hour later. She opened up the hole a bit more to see if I was bleeding from a vein, or whatnot or if it was still the hematoma. Luckily, she said it's fluid mixed with blood but that meant she had to repack it, and that hurts like hell. Imagine someone shoving dressing into a hole in your belly. Yes, that is what she did and yes, it freaking hurts.

We then learn that the ER Dr's were not comfortable handling this issue. They didn't know what to do...stitch me, leave me open? Thank god she was available. She even gave us her number if we needed to contact her or I got freaked out. I will most likely keep bleeding until all the fluid is out that needs to come out. I get to walk around with gauze and maxi pads stuck to my belly. SEXY!

I go back to her office in the AM to get it repacked, and then will send a home nurse to my house everyday until it is better. Which means I am stuck in the house AGAIN.

I am getting stir crazy. I am frustrated. At this point, I am so relieved to know that it's nothing else or that I don't need another surgery but this is not how I expected to spend my first few weeks with my new baby. I am trying to be positive, I am trying to be thankful or at least somewhat upbeat right now but I am at a breaking point. It's just not fair. It's just not fair.

I deserve a fregging drink....or ten!

After we left the hospital we ran to get a prescription filled and some groceries, we went to pick up Brady. Blake's family was all there and he was getting lots of love. Everyone has wonderful and amazing through all of this, I am thankful for all those in my life for sure! I ran over and picked him up, and he opened his eyes and just stared at me. I swore he smiled (he was probably just gagging from all the kisses I gave him!) I held him for a long time and just cuddled with him when I got home and it was then that I felt thankful. That I thanked god. I will recover, and I will always have my sweet baby, I'm just taking a longer road to get there.

Tomorrow morning and each day they poke my open wound, I will have to remind myself that. Luckily, he won't be far from me so it should not be too hard.