Bennett: 2 weeks!

Oh my sweet baby boy.

As I write this, you are peacefully sleeping. I look over at you and I'm amazed. You have fit into this family so effortlessly and even though it's only been two weeks, we feel like you've been in our lives forever. I can't help but look at you and Brady and just feel a magnitude of emotions. I don't want to forget a moment of how life is at this moment and I'm trying to soak it all in.

 Your brother loves you so much. The first thing he asks about when he wakes up is you and what you are doing. He loves to touch you, give you kisses and just help out with you. He's my biggest helper and I have to say, I'm proud of the brother he's becoming.

You are ever so sweet my boy. You're a bit of a light sleeper sometimes and I joke, you need to learn to sleep a bit deeper especially as you're brother is running around acting like a freight train. You about scared mommy to death the other night when you slept for almost SIX hours! I woke up in a fret and you were just sleeping away peacefully.

There was a 24 hour period last Friday where mommy got a bit exhausted because you wanted to eat.all.day! I got a bit worried hoping you were developing reflux like you brother (mommma is a bit paranoid about his, ok!) and the next day you went back to you sleepy self.

Nursing is going so well that I'm afraid to say that since we are only two weeks in but you haven't had a lick of formula and momma is pretty shocked at how well it's going.  I went into it with no expectations and I think that helped. I do have to say, how much I love those big ol' lips of yours, they are so stinking cute and kissable. You smiled in your sleep yesterday a big smile and I think I caught glimpse of a dimple!

The weather has been ridiculous as in yesterday, it hit a record temp of 108 so we've been stuck inside but enjoying our time together as a family. It's bit hard on me since I'm used to going all the time but since Daddy is still home, we are savoring it as we know this much time together is precious and will be hard to gather when you are older.

I can't wait to see what kind of personality you'll develop as you grow. We love you to pieces.

12 days

This is a bit of a bitterswseet 'milestone' for me.

When Brady was 12 days old, I had to leave him and go back to the hospital, not once but twice. I remember feeling my incision gush with blood and not knowing what was about to come. I had to leave my tiny little precious baby to spend time in the hospital! I still remember sobbing on the way to the hospital, telling Blake I was just fine and didn't need to go. I cried while I was there and begged to go home, despite being this close to needing a blood transfusion. That feeling I remember was enough to push me for that VBAC. It was enough to give myself and my boys a chance, which is exactly what I told my nurse while I was in labor.

But...here we are 12 days post-partum and doing great, given we have a big case of cabin fever and a bit tired from feeding a baby all day and night but those are expected and given the big picture, we are so grateful.

So, this time, I get to witness moments like this that make my heart swoon.

I love the way he is looking at Brady. I'm pretty sure he already thinks that Brady hung the moon.

and I get to stare at this sweet face and keep him close to me.

Bennett's First Days

 Amazing. Exhausting.

That is how I can describe it the 2nd go around.

Let me start by saying, I know we are not even a week in and that I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it but it's amazing how different it is this time around. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I've done this before with a very colicky, fussy baby and due to the fact that I was able to get my VBAC. At this point with Brady, we had just come home. I was sore, I was pale, had no appetite and struggled to do much of anything. Add in a baby who cried a lot and struggled to feed.

I have more energy. I did laundry the 2nd day I came home! The baby blues are almost nonexisitant and it might be because I'm still on a high from his birth so I'm waiting for a big ugly cry, ha! Really though, I am just over the moon!

Bennett is just amazing. He sleeps well, he nurses well and he's just perfect. We had a  few rough moments in terms of nursing but since then we have been back on track! He is a bit jaundiced so we are monitoring him for that and he also has something called, hypospadias. Basically, the opening of the urethra is on the underside rather than middle so we have an appointment in two weeks with a Urologist to have a very minor procedure done to fix it. It sprays a bit different and I learned that today when he peed all over me!

I joke about how different they boys are because Brady, well, he just never liked to sleep and nursing was a struggle. They are right when they say you love both kids equally but differently. I never really understood how you could until now. It's amazing to see them together too.

Brady is doing far better than I'd ever imagine. He's not jealous or anything yet and loves this baby as much as we do. He calls him, "my baby!'' and seeing him with his brother melts my heart. It's nothing short of perfect. He'll get up and say, "I wanna give him a kiss!' or "I want to touch him!'' He'll just come up and give him a kiss for no reason.

Ask Brady what the baby eats and he'll tell you, "Nipples!'' You gotta love that kid! Now for lots of pictures!

I'm telling you, most kissable, squishy lips!

Long wrinkly fingers. He has the longest toes I've ever seen too.

He's almost a split image of Brady here.

That's about sums it up for his first few days home. Happiness, sleepy and overjoyed. 

The Birth of Bennett Scott

Bennett Scott was welcomed into our family on June 15th at 2:50 pm weighing 7 pounds even and 20.5 inches long. A peanut compared to his big brother.

I need to get his birth story out before I forget any moment of this difficult and amazing journey. One that lasted 36 hours and 50 minutes.

Weds night (June 13) about 1:00 am, I woke up. I could not fall back to sleep. I tossed, I turned. I was hot, I was shivering. Within the next hour, the BH had gotten more intense. Within the next few hours, I had lost my mucus plug and was having real contractions! I was in denial because you know, that's how I roll. 

Fast forward to noon when they are anywhere from 5-10 minutes apart so we took a little trip to L&D. I sat there and was monitored for many, many hours. My contractions were 1-7 minutes a part but I was still stuck at barely one measly cm and the contractions were not as strong as they could be. I laugh at this now because those were nothing compared for what was to come but how would I know since I never felt a single one with Brady! 

After long consideration, we left. Between my doctor, the nurse and us, we felt like if we had stayed, I would be right back in the OR. It's good to feel supported. 

I was upset. I felt defeated especially when one of the nurses mentioned keeping my appointment for NEXT Friday with my doctor but I still a bit hopeful. 

We came home, ate, walked, did laundry, vacuumed, bounced on the ball and I finally decided that after being up for 30 hours, I needed sleep. Around 11:30, I was awaken by some pretty nasty contractions. They proceeded to get longer and way more intense. By 2:30, I could not take it anymore and we headed back to the hospital. The contractions were 1-3 apart and about 10 on the pain scale.

I was worried they were going to send me home and I was in pain that I could not manage. They were so intense I could barely breathe through them and nothing helped me during them.  I knew I had to of made progress, I mean I was in pure hell. Then, that feeling crept back.  I felt defeat. 1 cm. ONE?

 I looked at Blake and I said through tears, 'all of this, for nothing. I'm going to the OR, I just know it.'

 I couldn't go home and at that point, I think I considered a c-section. They finally admitted me and it was decided that between the lack of sleep and my constant contractions, my body needed to relax. The uterus is a muscle and it wears out so it made perfect sense which is probably why after my nap at home, I woke up to such intense contractions. At this point, I was probably so worn out the contractions were not doing much even though they were so intense. The nurse warned me that this could all set me up for another c-section since nothing else could be done to help me.

I got stuck 10 times. Yes, 10 to get an iv in place and blood was taken to check my platelets since they've been on the low side. We got to the hospital around 3 and I was getting my epi around 5:30-6. Once the epi took effect, I felt good.

Around 7, I was at 1.5. Progress!

7:30 they came to break my water but found not had it only already broke but I was FOUR cm. I asked the doctor to repeat herself probably 10 times because I could NOT believe it. FOUR. With Brady, I barely made it to 2! I was shocked. I was excited but worried to get my hopes up at this time.

The nurse put me on my side in an ackward position that basically cradled me around the baby. This was to help move the baby down and I have to say, it worked. I give a lot of credit to my nurse who was the most amazing woman and I don't think any of what was about to happen would have been possible without her help and encouragement, I wouldn't be where I am now. We went from side to side every 20-30 for the next 5 plus hours.

8:30: 7

Blake had been asleep and I woke him up to tell him the good news. He looked at me so confused. He later told me, I went to sleep and I wake up and all of a sudden everything is happening!

9:30 9

By 11:30, I was ready to push. In less than 5 hours, I had gone from 1 cm to fully complete. I guess the epidural was what I needed after all!

My doctor is out of town on vacation so the other doctor in the practice would be delivering. She was on her way to the hospital and had to deliver another baby first. I waited. Waited and waited.

My nerves set in. I was thinking this was a big dream and I'd wake up in the OR. I was nervous about all the risks involved with a VBAC or worse, that the baby would get stuck or something and I'd have to have another c-section.

1:30 I started pushing while the doctor finished up the other delivery. Pushing sucks and was way harder than I thought it would be. I laugh at that comment myself so feel free to do so. It sucked more than I imagined since my epi had worn off and I felt every.single.thing.

The entire time, I pushed I did it remembering the hell I went through after Brady's birth and after the hernia surgery. I did it for Brady. I did it for Bennett but most of all, I did it for me. I was so tired but I knew I couldn't give up now.

After about an hour and a half of pushing at 2:50, he came into this world with a tiny cry and was placed on my chest. Dr. K first said, "Amy, you did it!" and I immediately cried tears or joy. I held that squishy, slimy bundle of joy and cried.


That moment is one I will never forget. Never. It was the a defining moment of pure exhilaration, relief, love and accomplishment. It was a feeling I can never really explain.

I DID IT. I did it. I.did.it!

I was probably in shock for most of the first hour afterwards. I mean I could never imagine this would actually happen. I got a local while she stitched me up (OUCH!)  and waited to hear how my baby was doing. He was perfect. Perfect. No NICU. I got to nurse him right away (um, he rocks at that too by the way!)

I think about 10 different nurses and staff had came in to tell me what a great job I did and that brought me to tears again. I felt so amazingly blessed. NOONE thought I would make it, really, no one!

I cannot explain to you the difference in how I feel. I'm really exhausted and worn out. I think I've got a handful of sleep in the past two days and my body feels like it was run over by a truck, especially my back but I can walk around. I can hold my baby without pain.

I have to say, I know he's not even 24 hours old yet but he's amazing. The kid slept 4 hours last night. FOUR. He nurses like a champ. He has the sweetest cry and these pouty lips that make you weak in the knees. He reminds me of Brady in a way but has his own look.

Thank you God. I am beyond blessed. I think I've said this over a 100 times but really, I am. I just keep thanking God for this new life he has given us and even though the journey to get him here was difficult, it was all worth it.

The time I briefly considered tackling another mom.

I have a very confident, outgoing and energetic kid who has a large personality. While I may be a bit biased, I'm very happy he is that way. Growing up, Blake was very shy. I was very much like Brady but had a shy side as well. It's something I love about him and love that he's so confident in who he is and pray he can keep that confidence through life. What parent wouldn't want that for their child?

I took Brady to the park this evening in hopes to get him worn out and to get us out of the house for a bit. It's a small park and it's one of the parks we go to because it's close to our house. It was pretty crowded when we got there after dinner which I was hoping we would avoid so that anyone could potentially ask me questions about when this kid is coming out (because at the moment, it's my least favorite question!)

Brady was being a typical rambunctious two year old running around. He was being a bit leery going down the slide and he wanted me to hold his hand as he went down the slide, which he normally doesn't do. I kept saying how he was being silly today while he was talking up a storm to himself or the other kids there. He was being a bit 'bossy' to another kid telling him to go down 'that slide!"  Meanwhile, a woman was near us with her son who probably about two as well, maybe a bit younger than Brady. We had been there a while and my child was by far the most talkative. That's just my kid. What can I say, he takes after his momma?

The mom asked me how old he was and I responded, "2 1/2''
 She looked at me like I had 4 heads and goes, 'oh, wow, he's tall.''
Me: yes, he's always been on the tall side'
Lady: "do you homeschool him?"
Me: I look at her confused because well, he's two! I mentioned he might go to preschool in the fall but he usually spends his week with his grandparents and our sitter.
Lady: 'oh, that's probably why he's different.'

She walks away after her kid and I sat there speechless.

I sat there for a minute processing what she had just said. For a half-second, thought nothing of it. Then, my 39 week pregnant self who is already crabby envisioned myself tackling her in a very unladylike way.

The more I thought about it, the more I found myself angered. It wasn't because she said something about my child but more so that she felt the need to say it. We live in a world where everything is judged by everyone, especially parenting. I have never understood this part of motherhood and I don't think any of us enjoy it so why does it continue?

I thought about going over to her and but I let it go because really, it was just a random comment and I could care less what others think of my parenting skills or what kind of choices I make as a parent. I am confident in the parent that I am and there is no one that could make me second guess what kind of mom I am. Two and a half years later, I can say that but I know not all moms can say that with sheer confidence.  I am sure that two years ago, I would have been offended or upset but her comment but instead, I took it as a compliment.

My kid is different. I've done my job as a mom to instill confidence and individuality into my son and I'm proud of that. Different is good.

Later on, I read this. It sums it up all too well when she says, "I'm a parent who tries."

Exactly.

38 weeks: Frustration

My appointment had some highs and lows this week and I'm left a bit frustrated.

High? Um, seeing my baby boy. Though, it did leave us questionable whose kid he was as though he slightly resembled Brady, he looked a lot like he came from another family. It's not the best time for an ultrasound at this point and he is super squished in there so maybe that has something to do with it so I'm curious to see what he looks like once he is here! The more I look at Brady's newborn pictures though, I see more of a resemblance.

He had the hiccups most of the time and would not move those hands away from his face for most of the ultrasound. He is all snuggled up in there and oh man. Love. 

He's got some squishy cheeks though and I just wanna kiss them! He is estimated about 7 pounds and I've technically got 2 weeks left according to my OB's due date (which I know is either 4-6 days off if you go by conception date.) and she will let me go the last week in June (which I'm praying does not happen because I might lose it) to try to get this baby out without a c-section.

The bad stuff: My BP was up, which I never had an issue with Brady. She wasn't so concerned that I won't be back before next Weds but if it continues to go up, another c-section it will be. I wasn't spilling protein and everything else is looking good but I'm frustrated after that having a much easier pregnancy with less issues (gained less weight, swelled way less and have no fluid issues like I did with Brady!) that my BP will a big factor here. I wasn't any further dilated either but he was more engaged so at least something is going on and explains why walking is no fun.

I have debated this back and forth but after the BP debacle, she felt it was better for me to start my maternity leave now. I'm excited to spend some time with Brady and Blake before he comes and our world gets a bit crazy but I really hope he doesn't make us wait a while to meet him.

So.... frustrated. That is where this momma is right now and I think I'll drown myself in some Rocky Road since wine isn't an option.

Unjunk Your Junk Food!

We eat pretty healthy in our house. I don't normally but a lot of processed crap, well, I have been more so lately as I the baby must have them but I recently read a book that really opened my eyes in more ways than one. 

Unjunk Your Junk Food: Healthy Alternatives To Conventional Snacks does just that in help you enjoy your favorite foods but give you better alternatives with more recognizable ingredients. Most of the time, we look at the Nutrition label but ignore the ingredients, which I have found myself doing more often since Brady was born. Sometimes, I don't read the ingredients because I assume that what I'm buying is ok but I can't do that anymore! 

Brady is obsessed with these. I assumed, dumbly that they were okay since well, they are made from 'Yogurt' and raisins! Well, one of the first ingredients is Partially hydrogenated oil (a trans fat!) and also has Titanium dioxide(a possible carcinogen!) as well as an artificial vanilla flavor. Here I thought, I was giving my kid something decent...ugh!


What I took most from this book was what to look for on my own as well. They nailed down 'The Scary Seven' ingredients we really need to avoid! 

1.  HFCS: High-Fructose Corn Syrup (AKA glucose-fructose in Canada)
2. TRANS-FATS: Anything listed as ‘partially hydrogenated’ or ‘hydrogenated’ (includes vegetable shortening)
3.  MSG: Monosodium glutamate
4. ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS: Any artificial flavoring
5. ARTIFICIAL COLORS: Any type of artificial dyes;
6. ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS: Chemical sweeteners including Aspartame, Splenda (sucralose), Ace-K (Acesulfame Potassium), Saccharine, etc.
7.  PRESERVATIVES: Polysorbate 60, 65 & 80, TBHQ, Sodium Benzoate, BHA, BHT, Sulfur Dioxide (sulfites).

"You don’t have to give up the foods you love, just give up the toxic ingredients. Take the junk out of your junk food."

The Edible (R)evolution is a 4 step process:

Step 1:     Take the ‘Worst Ingredients’ chart along with your shopping list on your next trip to the grocery store
Step 2:     Before you blindly toss a food product into your cart, read its entire list of ingredients (even before you read the nutrition panel)
Step 3:     Refer to the ‘Worst Ingredients’ chart as well as the glossary in Unjunk Your Junk Food to make sure you understand the meaning of EVERY single ingredient listed on the label
Step 4:     Decide whether or not the ingredients in the product you’re holding are what you want to purchase and put into your body. If not, use Unjunk Your Junk Food to help guide you to comparable products with cleaner ingredients

Unjunk your Junk Food can be found at most retail sellers including Amazon and Barnes and Noble or check out Naturally Savvy for more information. 

Disclosure: I was given this book to read as part of this review but the thoughts and opinions are all my own.

My little blessing

I've posted here and there that we have decided on a name. I wasn't being secretive but wanted to make sure we were 100% sure before I posted and Brady isn't always the easier to understand so now I'm sharing. I have a hard time making decisions and this being a life changing one, I had to be sure.

The first thing I did when we solidified his name was order brother shirts. When I saw these I knew they were perfect. If you can recall, Brady is obsessed with trash trucks and all things trash. His eyes lit up so bright when I showed it to him! I literally tear up thinking about them wearing them or Brady walking into the hospital to meet his little bother.

Bennett Scott

We were not looking for a B name by any means but once we found it, we felt it was right. Then, I looked up the meaning and I was sold.

His name means blessed.

 After all that we have endured the past few years and in the beginning of this pregnancy when I didn't think we'd make it this far, I think it's perfectly fitting for him. Scott will be his middle name after my Brother-in-law who passed last March.

Now, we just need him to be here!

Come out, baby!

I think someone is just as eager to get this baby out as much as I am!

This and that

1. Holy crap. I can now say I 'm due this month, like which is really soon!

2. Still job hunting here. He had one job that we thought would work out but too much didn't work out. Plus, he was told he was expected to only take off a day or two for the baby's birth. I have faith but being I'm less than a few weeks away from my due date, it's kinda scary! We have a fantastic support team so I'm thankful for that and have to remind myself of that when I start to freak out or get upset I have to put some things on hold (like family photos!)

3. My big boy is growing up. The past few nights, he has asked me to close his door at bedtime. He used to give me hugs and kisses and remind me to 'keep the door open!' but alas, no more. Sigh.

4. I'm officially a crabby pregnant lady (if you couldn't tell by my last post!) My hips and pubic bone hurt so bad, some days I can barely walk. I'm tired of pepole asking me when my last day at work is or whatever the question of the day is. I most definitely was not this cranky towards the end with Brady. It's hard because I really want to enjoy these last moments of pregnancy as I never know it could be my last!

5. In the same tone, I'm excited to have another little boy. People ask, "do you know what you're having?'' and many times I get, "oh, at least you have everything you need,'' or "you can try for a girl next time!" What? That drives me crazy. I have always pictured myself with boys and am beyond blessed to have another. It literally brings me to tears to picture my boys together and I just can't wait.

6. I have an appointment and an ultrasound this Friday. I can't wait to see him again because at our anatomy scan(s) we didn't get a single good shot of him so I hope we can get a good glimpse. I'm curious to see his 'estimated' size as well even though I know they can be off. At least it was off for Brady but I think it's more so because he was long with long arms/legs.

7. I'm so done with work, it's not funny. I think the past few days, I've basically checked out which is SO unlike me but I'm ready to be at home with my boys for the summer, which can I tell you how excited I am for that? I just hope it won't be like last time and we can enjoy ourselves!!!

8. My dear son asked me this morning who cut off my pee pee. Yep.

9. I thought the 'curious' age wasn't till much later? I swear he asks me 'Why' or "What is that' or "What do we call that' or "What's that for?' at least 100 times a day. It's cute though because you can tell he's just curious.

10. I know they go in phases but last month, I thought I was going to have a serious monster on my hands soon but the past few weeks, he has turned into a well-behaved, sweet little boy. I hope I didn't jinx myself but I love it. I love hearing him say, "I just love you! I LOVE YOU!" over and over. You would think it gets old but it NEVER does. It always feels like the first time I hear it.

Oh and I just can't wait to hold my squishy baby!!!!!!

It's about time: An open letter

To the man in line at the store on Friday,
No, I do not in fact have a basketball in there, that would just be weird. Let's see, I'm at the store probably for the same damn reason you are, I needed something. Oh, what will I do if I go into labor right here? Oh, let's see, uh, buy the damn stuff I went to the store for in the first place. It's OK, I'm on the same page as you, I do not want your help delivering this baby either so you're off the hook for that but thanks for the non-offer!
The very pregnant lady in line.
p.s. I really feel sorry for your wife especially since I see that you have two kids of your own so you should know better.
p.s.s. You're really lucky I had my hands full with a package of overnight diapers because if I had something a bit more sturdy, I would have hurled it at your face.

To my coworker,
Why, yes, I'm working up to the end of my pregnancy. Thank you for asking my other coworkers who sit near me what they will do if I go into labor because you know, it's not like I'll be lucid or anything. Plus, you know, the whole 24+ hours I was in labor with Brady? I'm sure I'll just have the baby right here in my cubical. Thanks for the concern and yes, they do know what hospital I plan on going to.
Your coworker.

To my sweet baby boy,
You have a few days left and then you will officially be inside longer than your big brother. I just wanted to let you know that you do have your entire life to one-up Brady so please do not start now. I say this in the most loving and urgent way possible.
Your very eager and uncomfortable momma.

Dear Brady,
First of all, if the sun is not up, that means you are supposed to sleep. 5:15 am is not a proper wake up time. You will have plenty to wake you up here shortly so get the rest while you can. Trust me.
oh, and no, you may not juggle your little brother.
Your mommy

Dear world;
I have two weeks left until my due date. It's a boy. Yes, he has a name. Yes, we are excited and yes, I'm ready. Yes, Brady is excited. Yes, Brady is ready for him to come and no he doesn't want him to sleep in the garage, yet. No, there is just one baby in there. No, I'm not going to have the baby right here. Yes, I'm still pregnant. I mean have any of you ever seen a pregnant woman before?
Sincerely,
Me
p.s. Just dont' talk to me. Ok. You're better off.


Dear self;
Oh, Amy, you're almost there. Try to enjoy these last moments and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I know it's not easy and everyone on the world is on your last, struggling nerve right now but just think of the sleep you'll be missing out on soon. Oh wait, you're not sleeping well now are you. Ok, well, never mind. I tried.
Your own attempt at being positive

A lil giveaway: Honey Bunches of Oats

I love cereal. This pregnancy, to say I've been obsessed is a bit of an understatement. The past few weeks, I've eaten a bowl for breakfast and then had another one before bed. What can I say, this kid loves cereal as much as I do! Well, except today. At work, I went to the kitchen to grab my milk and it was gone. GONE! I'll just say, don't mess with a hungry pregnant woman's food, for real! No, I'm still not over it.

So, this morning, I went without my Honey Bunches of Oats, which made for a very crabby pregnant lady. As much as I love cereal, I wanted it to be as healthy as can be but also satisfy my sweet cravings. I searched to find a cereal that was low in sugar and made with Whole Grains. Then, I rediscovered Honey Bunches of Oats and found they had improved it. With 10 grams of Whole Grains per serving and only 6 grams of sugar, (3 grams lower than Honey Nut Cheerio's!) I haven't looked back since.

I'm excited to giveaway some boxes for you!

To enter:
 Tell me what your favorite flavor of Honey Bunches of Oats! Are you a fan of hte original Honey Roasted? Want almonds? Strawberries or Pecans?

Want an extra entry? Like Honey Bunches of Oats Facebook page!  While you are there, they have a $1 off coupon for you!

Pending, I am not in labor, you have until Friday, June 8th to enter and I'll pick a winner on June 9th!





Disclosure: Post provided a free sample of their Honey Bunches of Oats-Honey Roasted so I could review them. My opinions are 100% my own because I really do love this cereal.