Hey, so i spent $1 to mail you an invitation, and even put a stamp on the response card for you. How come you still cannot manage to mail it back? Seriously, is licking the envelope too hard?
Wait? what? You want to know where the wedding is? hmmmmm....well, how about reading the freaking invitation I sent you? If you happen to read it you'd find there is a ton of great information.......
To random people in my life;
Of course i am getting excited.
Yes, i have lots of things on my mind and to do. Stop reminding me!
No, i am not ready yet!
I'd like to think my dress is pretty damn cool. If you want to know what it looks like, well, mail back the response card and come to the damn wedding.
If you didn't get an invite, you probably are not invited to the wedding.
To the groomsmen who have no idea what is going on;
I have told you several million times when the rehearsal is. I will not tell you again
No, you cannot bring a random girl to my wedding.
To my mom,
No, your dress does not make you look fat. Wear it and like it!
No, you cannot invite all your friends to the wedding--unless you'd like to pay for them.
Your stressed? I'm going to pretend it didn't hear that.
To my dear fiancee,
i love you. of course i do, but no, my grandma doesn't like rap.
No, we need more music selections than rap and 80's hair bands.
No, our wedding party is not dancing to 50 cent,
Dear french fries, brownies, and everything yummy,
why must you taste so good. Don't you know that i have a dress to fit into soon? Seriously, just give me one month!
Thanks and leave me alone,
I wish i could be that blunt all the time, because damn that sure does feel pretty darn good! Anyone else want to sound off?