A year ago, we found out I was pregnant with you. A year ago, this week, the same week Daddy got some bad news about his health. Here we were, finding out you were coming and Daddy's future was unknown. Daddy had some moles (and skin) removed and our worry seemed to slowly dissipate but before we knew it, things got scary. I was terrified and I was full of fear. There were several times in the beginning were I wasn't sure we would ever get to hold you in our arms and I do not think I really ever stopped worrying about you even when I had finally stopped bleeding. There was a very, scary and dark moment when I had thought we had lost you. I have never felt so lost and full of despair in my life. I prayed hard for you, my sweet boy, harder than I think I ever have. Then, you made your strength visible and grew to seven pounds of perfection. You continue to demonstrate the beauty of your strength on a daily basis as you take your meds with a smile and barely wince during blood-draws.
The moment you were born, I cried. I cried because you were here; safe in my arms. I cried because I brought you into this world the way I had hoped to but more so I cried because there was just so much happiness in that moment. I was the first to hold you as you came so peaceful into this world and I felt the connection immediately and you were wonderfully safe in my arms. Daddy held you next and then you met your big brother, who has had such love for you since he laid his big eyes on your sweet face.
Since that moment you came into our lives, each day has been more blessed than the last and each moment has been treasured. I know how fast these precious days go and I want to hold onto them forever. Our days are busier but we still find time to live in the moment. Our hearts were full but you have shown us the capacity to love is unbounded. You have given me so much peace and healed my heart in a way that only you could.
Last night, just a short year after the plus sign appeared, I was holding you in my arms. I stared at you as you nursed and a flood of emotions filled my soul as you filled your little belly. I watched you swallow with contentment and I sat there kissing your sweet curly head as you nodded off into bliss. I have never felt so much peace in my life. I treasure these moments with you more than I think I had understood until last night.
I thank God for you every.single.day.
The sound of your laughter as we are reunited and the smell of your little head.
Your long toes and fingers that curl around my fingers with an instintive trust.
You are an old soul, with eyes that penetrate light and beauty and look intently at me as you nurse or as your eyes smile when you do.
Oh, smile alone is enough to be thankful for.
I can tell you, there isn't a moment that goes by I don't look at you and feel a warmth in my soul especially as I watch you look to you brother in the highest or regard as that bond is a special one.
You are a true blessing, a tiny miracle and we are so lucky to be your parents.