Thursday, October 4, 2012

Back to the grind

How we have all felt lately.
Well, it's been a little over a week since I've been back at work. To say things are crazy, well, that's a bit of an understatement. There's not much time in my work day as it's either taken up trying to get everything caught up or pumping but I'm slowly getting into the swing of things and we are all adjusting.

I, of course, got sick my first week back and that was rough, being sick on my first week back and on no sleep but we all survived. Both the boys ended up sick which luckily, Bennett only got a runny nose out of it. Whew.

The whole transition has been up and down.

First day was awful. Bennett cried for most of the morning with Blake.
Second day, he slept because he was so exhausted and he has been hit or miss since.
 Friday, he downright refused a bottle but I think he was catching my cold.

This week has been better. I think they needed to figure out their own groove just in time for it to all change when he goes back to work (yes, job, yes!!!!!) on the 15th! Yikes.

I miss my boys though. I'm surprised to find it was much harder for me this time to go back. I held back tears the first 3 days or so but being at work, I'm so busy, it was a good distraction. I think most of it being I had a much longer leave this time around and having another kid that is growing up too fast (uh, he'll be THREE in a few weeks, sigh!)

It was stressful! Between being sick, the stress, and being without Benny, my supply dipped. We are getting back up there and I'm feeling much more hopeful about us making it to my next goal of 6 months! That's a little over 2 months, people. Wow. I surpassed my first goal of 3 months, little goals, ladies. Little goals.

Pumping sucks but I've worked my schedule to be near the house two days at least to be able to come home for feedings, which helps tremendously. I had some low moments late last week and early this week and I was all emotional thinking that I was going to have to stop nursing if it kept going the way it was but I decided to chill out. We've made it almost 4 months. Farther than with Brady and without supplementing a drop, so if we need to supplement, so be it. Since I put that in my head, I swear my output increased.  I just needed to relax.

I was so worried about Brady since being home with me for over 3 months (with my extended time, I ended up taking 14 weeks, which compared to the 9 with Brady was amazing and why it was so much harder to go back!) He's done way better than I expected though I have a feeling once Blake goes back too, it's going to be harder.

A few nights ago, I was doing dishes and getting everything ready for the next day. I looked up and hear pitter patter of his big ole feet. I started to get upset because it was 9:00 and the kid needed to be in bed. He comes in and looks at me with those big eyes of his. Then, he says, 'Mommy, I just want to be with you.'

My heart sank. Then, my heart jumped out of my chest and broke into 1,000 tiny pieces. Here I was, getting frustrated with him and all he wanted was me.

So, we walked back to his room and I laid down with him for a while. It was something I haven't done in a while and as we laid there, I thought, screw the dishes, my kids are growing up in front of my own eyes, these are the times we both will remember. I held him close and I think we all slept a little better that night.



Carrie said...

Oh my gosh. This post is so sweet you have me near tears, too. You're doing great! I can't imagine how tough things are for you right now. The boys could not be cuter in that last pic. Congrats on the new job for Blake!

Julia said...

What a beautiful story at the end of this post, Amy. Hang in there--you are doing great!