Three: Time flies.

Dear Brady,

 I look back at the last year and I literally feel like I blinked and it had flown by. Here you are, a THREE year old, a big brother and an amazing little boy. I find myself wondering, 'Where has time gone?' but I look and find myself SO proud.

You are not the least bit shy. I love watching this part of your grow. You'll run up to any kid and ask if they want to play, like you have been friends for years. You have so many  people that you love and have a special relationship with each one. It makes me happy to see you grow in this way but sad that you're growing up so fast. 

                                                                     

I'm also amazed at how well you've grown into your new  role as a big brother. You have adapted so well. I'm not going to lie and say you haven't licked him,  thrown something at him or flicked a booger on him but most of the time, you are so sweet with him.  You talk to him when he cries and he stops. You do that for him buddy. He looks up to you with this affection that only you two share and it makes my heart swell each and every time I see it. You're the best big brother and I'm lucky that I get to watch you both grow but your relationships as well. It's something I've wanted so much for you both so I'm blessed that you have loved him since the moment you set your eyes on his.

 You're so very bright and sometimes you surprise me in how your mind works. You see things in such a way that I find myself looking at the world differently too. You probably ask 432 questions a day and I here you repeating things I've said.  I forget sometimes how much you understand and we've had some amazing conversations. They always end every night with us both saying, "I love you!" 

You are all boy but you like some things done the 'right' way. You like pink and purple and don't mind playing with princesses. You think it's SO funny right now and like to talk about 'talking' things. Like talking fruit, talking hair or talking shoes.

You stopped napping right when Bennett was about 2 months old but have days where you still take one though, you really need one everyday. Since you've stopped napping, you've started sleeping much better at night. You usually go to bed between 7:30 (especially if you haven't napped) and 8 and get up anywhere between 630-8. We have even had a few times where you slept in as in like past 8 and once till 9!

You're wearing 4T clothes and size TEN shoes. You seriously hit a huge growth spurt this month and we had to go and buy you all new shoes and jammies! You still love milk. Oh, how you love it. You pretty much love anything but don't want to stop and play sometimes to eat! You love salad, sketti, noodles, salami, broccoli, chocolate milk and orange juice. Oh, candy too. I think you would live on suckers if I would you.

You still call Oatmeal, "eatmeal' say "Dump truck truck, I'll need to add to this list because there are so many things you say that are just so cute that I want to remember.

You are recently interested in the days of the week but you're favorite day is Sunday. It's ALWAYS Sunday. You talk about yesterday a lot too :)

You can count to 12 or 13 depending on the day but forget 2 and 4 and still call 11, eleventeen. You sing your ABC's and can id them, though you do forget some sometimes.

You love playing outside, swinging, going on walks, playing baseball, Thomas, trains, cars, trucks, TRAINS, Thomas, reading, playing kitchen, and watching Thomas. You have recently become more obsessed with Thomas but still love anything Trucks. You just love toys. Any toys.

You just had your first birthday party with your friends. You loved every second of it. The smile was almost glued to your face.

 You continue to be a 'curious' kid. You're constantly getting into things you're not supposed to. Spices, coffee grounds, mommy's makeup, the list goes on. I've cleaned marker off the walls, crayon off the windows, I can't leave you alone for a second! You are a human version of Curious George and I laugh because people ask me how mad I got the time you (insert many of the messes you have made) but sometimes, I just have to laugh. You are a very curious and active little boy!

 I am amazed at how much difference a year makes. Last year, last year, you were just a new two year old who was still a baby to me. You were just learning to talk more than a few phrases.

We had just found out you were going to be a big brother!

 We played outside. A LOT.

You learned how to throw a tantrum! Luckily, we're out of the 'let's throw myself on the ground' stage but you sure know how to rock a tantrum.

Now? You're a big kid. There is not much, if any baby left on that face of yours. I really can't believe it. You are just a big kid all of a sudden. 

It's been an amazing year. I'm more than excited to see how the next year goes but can you do me a favor? Let's make it a loooooooong year. I'm not sure I can handle if it goes by even faster!

We love you little man.

 I can't wait to celebrate with you!

 Happy Birthday!

Bennett {3 months} finally

Likes: Mommy, milk, bright lights, chewing on his hands or toys, watching big brother, watching bright lights/movement, being upright looking around, toys, his activity gym, the bouncy seat and walking around in mommy's arms (or daddy's) or the boba. I know I mentioned this already but he loves watching Brady and watches him move around. It's so dang sweet. 

Dislikes: Pacifiers, riding in the car, sometimes being given a bottle. 

'

Sleep: Well, things went south as in let's use mommy as a pacifier all night long, then we had longer stretches, then back to the pacifier thing and now he's consistently going to bed at 8. He'll either sleep till 10 and then sleep til 4 or 5. If he doesn't get up at 10, he'll get up either between 1-2. Not bad. I'm waiting for it to go back to crap once I go back to work.  

Yummies:  He' still prefers nursing over anything else. He has started taking bottles but we go through days when he'll drink a ton and others where he'll flat out refuse. He's hard to figure out but it's a good thing my job is flexible. He also had to start taking meds this month and I swear they made a difference. His thyroid med and probiotics I feed to him on a spoon mixed with breastmilk and he gobbles it up. He surprisingly does really well with it but since we started both, he's been a way happier guy. 

Growth: Still a peanut but I think he's about 12 pounds now. I used to stress about it and worried it was because he wasn't eating enough but I know it's not that.  He fits perfectly in 3-6 month clothes but some are too short in the legs/arms because of his monkey appendages  He's got my monkey arms! He's in a 2 diaper which I remember thinking were huge a few months ago. 

Milestones:
wow, we had a big month! Little peanut decided he wanted to shake things up when I most needed it. As I was worrying about him and the whole thyroid thing, he rolled over. Back to front. Then, about a week later, he rolled the other way. He is earlier in this area than Brady was so I was shocked! 

He's looking not like a newborn anymore and the smiles. Can't help but love how often they come now and how his face lights up when he sees my face!
Sheesh, 3 months. Slow down, life. Slow down. 

My pumpkins pick some pumpkins

I love Fall. More so, I love fall (Halloween and other holiday) so much more now that we have kids. Everything is just more fun. We made our first trip to the Pumpkin Patch as a family of four.

There were a lot of smiles that looked like this. 

Bennett looked like this. 

Brady grew up somehow while we were there. I mean he looks like a BIG kid. Sigh.

Brady was a ball of excitement the whole trip. Ok, well, not towards the end when we had finally coerced him out of placed and his trash blew away (yes, my child is probably the only one upset about his trash) but I didn't take any pictures of my overtired  whiny kid. I have enough memories of those that can never be erased. 

 

 Bennett was a sweet little pumpkin and slept, then got up to people watch. He's turned into a nosey little fella. He used to pass right out when I wore him but now he likes to chew on the edges and look at all the peeps.

 Then, there was my attempt at getting a cute picture of both kids. I often wonder how moms do it with more than two because sheesh, two is hard enough!

  Fine mom, I'll smile if you will make this stop and get this baby off me.

The rest of the pictures look a lot like this, closed eyes or two kids looking opposite ways.

Walking around, watching the smile that was permanently attached to Brady's face, I couldn't help but smile myself. I sure do love being a mom. Especially to those two!

I l

Full circle.

To my sweet, baby boy;

A year ago, we found out I was pregnant with you.  A year ago, this week, the same week Daddy got some bad news about his health. Here we were, finding out you were coming and Daddy's future was unknown. Daddy had some moles (and skin) removed and our worry seemed to slowly dissipate but before we knew it, things got scary.  I was terrified and I was full of fear. There were several times in the beginning were I wasn't sure we would ever get to hold you in our arms and I do not think I really ever stopped worrying about you even when I had finally stopped bleeding. There was a very, scary and dark moment when I had thought we had lost you. I have never felt so lost and full of despair in my life.  I prayed hard for you, my sweet boy, harder than I think I ever have. Then, you made your strength visible and grew to seven pounds of perfection. You continue to demonstrate the beauty of your strength on a daily basis as you take your meds with a smile and barely wince during blood-draws.

The moment you were born, I cried. I cried because you were here; safe in my arms.  I cried because I brought you into this world the way I had hoped to but more so I cried because there was just so much happiness in that moment. I was the first to hold you as you came so peaceful into this world and I felt the connection immediately and you were wonderfully safe in my arms. Daddy held you next and then you met your big brother, who has had such love for you since he laid his big eyes on your sweet face.

Since that moment you came into our lives, each day has been more blessed than the last and each moment has been treasured. I know how fast these precious days go and I want to hold onto them forever. Our days are busier but we still find time to live in the moment. Our hearts were full but you have shown us the capacity to love is unbounded.   You have given me so much peace and healed my heart in a way that only you could.

Last night, just a short year after the plus sign appeared, I was holding you in my arms. I stared at you as you nursed and a flood of emotions filled my soul as you filled your little belly. I watched you swallow with contentment and I sat there kissing your sweet curly head as you nodded off into bliss. I have never felt so much peace in my life. I treasure these moments with you more than I think I had understood until last night. 

I thank God for you every.single.day.

The sound of your laughter as we are reunited and the smell of your little head.

Your long toes and fingers that curl around my fingers with an instintive trust.

You are an old soul, with eyes that penetrate light and beauty and look intently at me as you nurse or as your eyes smile when you do.

Your smile.

Oh, smile alone is enough to be thankful for.

I can tell you, there isn't a moment that goes by I don't look at you and feel a warmth in my soul especially as I watch you look to you brother in the highest or regard as that bond is a special one.

You are a true blessing, a tiny miracle and we are so lucky to be your parents.

Back to the grind

How we have all felt lately.

 

Well, it's been a little over a week since I've been back at work. To say things are crazy, well, that's a bit of an understatement. There's not much time in my work day as it's either taken up trying to get everything caught up or pumping but I'm slowly getting into the swing of things and we are all adjusting.

I, of course, got sick my first week back and that was rough, being sick on my first week back and on no sleep but we all survived. Both the boys ended up sick which luckily, Bennett only got a runny nose out of it. Whew.

The whole transition has been up and down.

First day was awful. Bennett cried for most of the morning with Blake.
Second day, he slept because he was so exhausted and he has been hit or miss since.
 Friday, he downright refused a bottle but I think he was catching my cold.

This week has been better. I think they needed to figure out their own groove just in time for it to all change when he goes back to work (yes, job, yes!!!!!) on the 15th! Yikes.

I miss my boys though. I'm surprised to find it was much harder for me this time to go back. I held back tears the first 3 days or so but being at work, I'm so busy, it was a good distraction. I think most of it being I had a much longer leave this time around and having another kid that is growing up too fast (uh, he'll be THREE in a few weeks, sigh!)

It was stressful! Between being sick, the stress, and being without Benny, my supply dipped. We are getting back up there and I'm feeling much more hopeful about us making it to my next goal of 6 months! That's a little over 2 months, people. Wow. I surpassed my first goal of 3 months, little goals, ladies. Little goals.

Pumping sucks but I've worked my schedule to be near the house two days at least to be able to come home for feedings, which helps tremendously. I had some low moments late last week and early this week and I was all emotional thinking that I was going to have to stop nursing if it kept going the way it was but I decided to chill out. We've made it almost 4 months. Farther than with Brady and without supplementing a drop, so if we need to supplement, so be it. Since I put that in my head, I swear my output increased.  I just needed to relax.

I was so worried about Brady since being home with me for over 3 months (with my extended time, I ended up taking 14 weeks, which compared to the 9 with Brady was amazing and why it was so much harder to go back!) He's done way better than I expected though I have a feeling once Blake goes back too, it's going to be harder.

A few nights ago, I was doing dishes and getting everything ready for the next day. I looked up and hear pitter patter of his big ole feet. I started to get upset because it was 9:00 and the kid needed to be in bed. He comes in and looks at me with those big eyes of his. Then, he says, 'Mommy, I just want to be with you.'

My heart sank. Then, my heart jumped out of my chest and broke into 1,000 tiny pieces. Here I was, getting frustrated with him and all he wanted was me.

So, we walked back to his room and I laid down with him for a while. It was something I haven't done in a while and as we laid there, I thought, screw the dishes, my kids are growing up in front of my own eyes, these are the times we both will remember. I held him close and I think we all slept a little better that night.