Being a mom of two

Being a new mom, I remember my heart and my head swirling with so many emotions. I have so much to say and this time, I find myself at a loss for words sometimes. It's just all so amazing, surreal, exhausting and full of dirty diapers! When I was pregnant with Bennett, one of my biggest worries was that I had no idea how I was going to love two kids. I remember looking at Brady and my heart would fill up. I would find myself feeling guilty for all the changes that were to come but I would not know the unconditional love he would have for his brother and how much he loves having him in our family. (Oh, I have a whole post on this!)

 I've always heard that when you have more children, you love them the same and your heart grows.

It's true but it's not. 

You do love them the same but you love them differently. 

Brady is my first baby. I know him. I have had almost 3 years to get to know ever single thing about him. I know what makes him tick, I know what makes him laugh out loud and what makes him smile. I know what he wants when others have a hard time understanding him. I love that sometimes, he only wants his momma. I love that he is so quirky. I know that he loves "eatmeal' in the mornings and likes to eat noodles with a spoon.

 I just love him. 

 I love being his mom. 

I don't have that history with Bennett, yet. It will come but I love him just as much. I don't know how to explain it but I do. I love his smell and the sounds he makes while he is nursing. I love how he looks at me and how he stops crying as soon as I pick him up. I love the squishy faces he makes as he stretches.

I just love him.

 I love being his mom. 

I know I'm only 6 weeks into this 'mom of two' thing and I know things will always change. Love will change. Needs will change. Comfort will change.

There will be ups and downs, skinned-knees and band-aids, jealousy and sibling rivalry and lots of laundry. 

One thing will always remain the same.

I will always love being their mom.

always. 

The longest week ever.

Whew. The past week has been a blur but I feel it slowing down some.

Blake's eye surgery went well. He can now see as good as he could before. It was a long day of the surgery since we got there at noon and didn't leave till 430. Luckily, we had a sitter for Brady and I spent a lot of time in the car feeding Bennett which left me some entertainment.

 Side note: the eye surgery center? The worlds smallest office ever and the busiest. Who knew so many people had eye surgery! I kept leaving to walk around the building even though it was 100 degrees out because I was feeling claustrophobic!

The actual surgery was less than 30 minutes but the waiting for the doctor took forever! He was in a lot of pain up until yesterday so I let him rest and felt a bit like a single mom for those few days, exhausting!

Monday, Bennett has his 1 month check up. He is growing well, up 2 pounds to 8.5 (he was down to 6.6 when we left the hospital) and grew an inch! Poor babe got a shot and then had to have his blood drawn for the thyroid test. He was such a trooper though. Cried for a little bit and then just got annoyed the lady had to hold his foot.

They called us yesterday with the results and they are pretty good. When he was tested in the hospital, his levels were 26 and Monday, they were 4. His doctor said that is a good sign that they are dropping and we will retest in two weeks to make sure they are still okay.

I was happy till she dropped another bomb on me.

Apparently, his newborn screening brought back something else.

His hemoglobin test came back abnormal. Apparently, we have normal red blood cells and babies have fetal cells too but he also had some unspecified cells. Well, it could mean nothing, which she said in most cases rings true or it could mean something else.

That is where the confusion sets in. She explained to me but I still didn't quite get what it means in terms of how it could affect him. I've done some research and there are a ton of different things that it could be and most of them don't cause any issues. The screening results also recommended he be retested between 3-6 months and also both Blake and I be tested. I guess we could be carriers and I have no idea what it all means but we will talk about it more in depth at his next visit.

Ugh. I am hoping that since we don't need to be tested for a few months that it's not worry-some but as a mom, it's there.

So, we shall wait and see.

Until then, I look at this and find myself in hysterics.

I.can't.stop.laughing!

Bennett {One month}

(a week late, I see this happening a lot!)

My sweet boy, I can't believe it's already been a whole month since we've been blessed with you in our lives. Get used to me saying that as I'm sure it will be said at least once a month, if not hundreds.

Your 1 month check up is coming soon but Mommy weighed you yesterday and you are almost 9 pounds, which I laugh at because you're brother was over 10 pounds by now. At birth you were 7 pounds even. You had lost some weight and were down to 6 pds 8 oz but by a week old, you were up to 6pd 12 oz. So, I"m glad you are finally starting to put some weight on and I think I see some chunk developing. You are SO long though. You're newborn clothes are getting harder to snap and some outfits a size up fit really well.

You are starting to be awake more often and more alert. You like to hang out with us in the morning and right after dinner. You no longer scream during bath time either! 

This also comes with a price. You no longer want to nap/sleep anywhere else but on/with mommy or in a carrier. Sigh.

You are not a fan of car rides, just like your brother. You scream and scream. Eventually, you'll fall asleep but dare we stop? Oh my!

You have the curliest hair, which I love to see tighten up after a bath. They are so sweet.

I can't get enough of your cheeks. I kiss them 100 times a day!

Your eyes get me too bubba but both your daddy and I swear you have some big ol' feet and man sized hands!

Sleep is pretty much all over the place but you have a sort of 'rough draft' schedule. We usually wake up between 6-6:30 depending on when your big brother decides to run in and wake us both up. Sometimes, we are lucky enough that he'll go hang out with Daddy and we'll sleep in a bit longer. You'll usually nap on/off till around lunch time, waking just to eat and then I'm usually lucky enough to get you both down for a nap in the afternoon. Bedtime is still up in the air but you usually give me a good 4-5 hour stretch, then usually every 2-3 hours after that. I've noticed after bath nights, you give me a much longer stretch! I love those nights!

You are still a rockstar at nursing. You usually eat every 2 hours sometimes 1.5, sometimes 3 but you're usually a solid 2. I love hearing your little sighs and noises you make while you eat and how you'll look up at me. It's a time I enjoy with you my little man.

It's amazing the relationship I see budding between you and your bother. He loves to talk to you, cuddles you, kiss you. He get's so excited when you wake up he screams, "He's awake! He's awake' which in turn usually wakes you up! He loves you to pieces though, he called you, "lovely'' this morning which made me smile. I can't wait to see this grow!


One month buddy. One month and our lives are already changed. I say this with much truth that you are so loved by so many. I can't wait to see what's to come for you!

This week

This week has been a mess. On Monday, Blake woke up and could not see out of his right eye. When he was a kid, he had cataracts which of course if abnormal for a kid to have! He had lens implants put in at 8 and on the other eye at 22. When he woke up, he couldn't see anything. His other eye can only see up close. We had no idea what had caused it and it was pretty scary to think he might not be able to see again. He can't drive, watch TV....not really much at all!

Yesterday, he had surgery as the lens had shifted and they stitched it back into place. He has a follow-up today and we should know if it worked!

Today, I get a letter in the mail from Dept of Health saying that Bennett's newborn screening came back abnormal for hypothyroidism.  It does say it was borderline so I'm praying it was just a fluke. He gets retested on Monday!

The poor kid will already needs surgery sometime after he is 6 months (most likely in December) to fix something on his little boy parts, which I thought was going to be a procedure similar to circumcision. I was way off, it's more than that. He will have to go under and it's at least an hour surgery. My heart breaks just thinking of that. Plus, he won't be able to eat before the surgery and I can't imagine not being able to feed him.

I foresee some sort of adult beverage in my future. STAT.

And lots of cuddles with my two favorite little boys. I think almost anything can be cured by that.
 Oh, and watching Brady talk to Bennett, which I need to get on video!

We managed to have some fun though and I am glad to finally be getting out and about! I took both kids out by myself! We started the week off at Monkey Joe's (one of those bouncy places) and Brady had a blast. I was shocked to see how brave he was and he was so proud of himself. Bennett slept peacefully in the Boba (which we love!) the entire time.

We then had a 'picnic in the car' thanks to mommy picking the worst place on earth to grab a quick lunch (the place was so small, open and there was NO place to change diapers!) Brady thought it was a  fun experience as he got to eat in the front seat while Bennett has his lunch too.

Today, it was only 79 when we hit our local nature reserve and took a fun little walk (attempt to get Mommy moving and to wear out Brady!) and then went inside where they have lots of fun things to do/see!

So, let's hoping next week starts out the way this week ended, with more fun!

One of those numbered posts

I have so many posts started but my brain doesn't seem to want to complete whole thoughts lately.

1. I have a whole post coming on this but having two kids is still a foreign thing to me. I love it and while it's not as rough as I expected, it's not easy. It helps both kids are cute and I can say that unemployment has helped my sanity to have a helping hand most days...but I'd trade my sanity to get him a job.

2. Little man is a month old already. Post coming but man..time slow down!

3. Brady came up to me today telling me he was teaching Bennett how to sing. This morning, he was handing out kisses. 'One for you, one for the baby! Everyone gets kisses!' Gosh, I love that kid.  

4. Then, later on after taking about how he is a big boy and how big boys use the potty, I'm convinced this child who requests we change his diaper, will be in diapers a lot longer. His response was basically that he has no desire to use the bathroom and that Bennett wears diapers like him. I'm in no rush but man, it would be nice not to have TWO kids in diapers.

5. I forget how much I loathe the pump. I started last week and I already want to break it. Brady ran around with the parts the other day 'watering' his toys. In his little imagination, it was a watering can.

6. Post baby body during the summer sucks. Nuff said.

7. I'm not ready for this kid to grow up at all but I kinda wish he'd settle into some sort of schedule but I have to remind myself, hey, he's only a month old!

8. How do you now look at this face and fall in love? Little man is one month old today...I know I'll be saying this a lot but man, times flies. 

Yep. Not possible

9. This kid loves to be worn. I ordered a Boba 3g (thanks to some amazon gift cards I've been saving!) and got it today. Can't wait to get some use out of it! The moby has been a lifesaver so far and I wish I had tried out a soft carrier with Brady (he was not a fan of the moby or slings!)

10. I'm having major, "I don't wanna go back to work' blues already. I could go on with the reasons but when you're not happy at a job, it's not easy to go back when you have twice the reason to be home but I remember from last time, the build up was way worse for me. Not that I didn't miss him but thinking about it was way worse. Though, we still have to find child care (long story on this!) and I have to get these girls to pump more than 1/2 an ounce at a time...oh and find MORE time to pump. Any suggestions? Tips? Sympathies? :)

I love these boys.