Friday, July 15, 2011

Mountain Dew Sippy Cups

 That first year was hard but as Brady gets older, life gets harder in different ways.  I really think books like, "What To Expect The 2nd Year." should be titled, 'How The Hell To Survive The 2nd Year.'

You wonder each day if you're doing the right thing but find yourself picking battles and playing Charades and The Guessing Game.

A few things you might need to survive life with a toddler.
  • Wine. Vino. Booze. Chocolate. Whatever your vice, you  need something at the end of a tantrum filled day.
  • Patience: Waiting for little minds to 'I do it,' takes forever.  Patience is hard to find and it's often worn down or nonexistent so good luck with that!
  • Think about wearing a full body armor and/or a helmet. The bruise on my arm is proof of this if you have a curious toddler and a mouth full of chompers. This comes in really handy when your child accidentally (or purposefully) head butts you or during a really nasty diaper change.
  • Enough food to feed a smallish army. He might look small but the kid can put away some food, in fact, he is a bottomless pit and even after the kid eats a full meal, he wants to eat again 10 minutes later. I've learned that some grocery stores give free cookies to kids under a certain age and know I know why. Food=distraction and mom can shop longer which means more money spent at the store. If you leave the house, arm yourselves with stashes of grub. It will save you, I swear!
They are unpredictable. Today, he loves strawberries and the next he's hurling them across the room and I wonder why I fed them to him in the first place. Oh  that's right, he ASKED for them.

The kid cannot seem to hear me when I ask him to stop dumping his snack all over the floor but the second I say, OUTSIDE, he can hear me....even if I whisper it FIVE miles away with "Bubble Guppies" blaring in his ear.

Tantrums. Yeah, so those are fun. No longer are we in the cute tantrum stage but a full blown side show for the whole Toilet paper aisle at Target to see! They are tiny little ticking bombs and you never know what will set them off. Today? It's because you gave him milk when he wanted juice but asked and pointed to milk. Ten times. I apparently suck at The Guessing Game.  The best part is his new 'fake' cry. Who does this kid think I am, Grandma? That is the only person that might fall for that one.

Speaking of grandparents, they do things that drive you crazy. It's in their job description, I'm pretty sure.
 Do you see my child jumping up and down with that high amount of energy like he just downed a Red Bull? Well, that is how he is the moment he wakes up at the butt crack of dawn to the second he passes out at night. Do you think it's a GOOD idea to give him SODA? I mean, I hope he sports the rotten teeth look as much as the next mom but next time just put a little mountain dew in his sippy cup, why don't ya!

The other day, some friends and I got in a conversation about birth control. When they asked what kind I used, I replied, "Brady." It was deemed reliable and a few said they used that same form thanks to the stories they've heard me tell.

There are good things about having a toddler but I'm just too tired to you tell about them. The look he gives me sometimes like, "This is my momma and she is my world!" is enough to get me through any tantrum, even without wine.


Mrs. Dirnberger said...

A big FAT laugh here!!! Seriously...I have to repeat in my head "I love this child" several times a day :)

Courtney said...

Thanks for the reality & the honesty! I'm right there with ya (esp. about g.parents offering soda...I mean REALLY?!)!

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