A year ago this month, we found out Brady was coming into the world. I was reading old posts I had written, and there was one in particular that made my heart smile and my eyes water.
I expected life to change. A big life altering change, but that never happened. I never felt like him coming into our lives was difficult, and I fell into motherhood so naturally, like I was meant to be HIS mother. I remember the struggle we had naming him and when I look at him, his name fits him perfectly. I remember wondering what he would look like, and who's features he would carry. I look at him and could not imagine him looking any other way.
I look back at all those emotions I was feeling, and I literally cried reading it, going back to the moment. I was so excited, but also had every other emotion floating through my head. A year later those emotions haven't changed. I worried about that life inside of me, and it never eased as my belly got bigger. 15 weeks after his birth, I still find myself full of worry.
Is he eating the right amount? Is he gaining the right amount? Is he cold? Is he hot? Is he happy? Does he get sad? Does he feel loved?
Then, I remember back to that day. The day I 'met' my little munchkin for the first time. What that tech said to me still rings true. Worrying is part of being a mother.
I look down at my sleeping baby, and I find peace.
I look at him and the immense love I feel is overwhelming.
I feel lucky.
I feel happy.
I am blessed.
A year ago, I was learning how to be a mom.
Now, I am HIS mom.