Review: Cross Country Cafe K-cups (and how I stay sane)

There is something I love almost as much as I love my family. 

It's coffee. 

I've loved it since I was a high school kid who spent lots of time in a diner with friends staying up too late. It became a fixture in my life as a college student and again when I became a mom. 

There was a time after Bennett was born when my beloved Keurig broke and I almost died because I couldn't make coffee for a week! It was awful. I'm not joking. Coffee is my one daily necessity. I might be drinking it while the kids are running around and acting like wild banshees but I feel like the world stops for a minute and it gives me a bit of sanity. Oh, the taste is pretty fabulous too and the caffeine is the only way I survive almost 3 1/2 years of broken sleep. 

K-cups can be pricey and I'm a bargain hunter so the two things, well, they don't always bode well together. I have been buying my most favorite coffee of all time (Starbucks Cafe Verona) at Costco because well, it's the only way I could potentially feel okay spending that much on coffee. Then, Costco decided to stop carrying it and I practically sobbed in the aisle. I have been on the search for something more economic but with that same flavor I love so much. 

 I stumbled upon Cross Country Cafe and I feel like I scored big time. You can't beat the price. I have shopped around for K-cups a lot (more than I'd like to admit, really) and their prices? Amazing!They have a great selection and are family owned. Win-win for all, right? 

I did find a replacement that I am over the moon in love. Actually, I found THREE, which if you love coffee as much as I do, you know that is a big deal. 

I love BOLD coffee. These are amazing that I am oddly giddy to wake up and have some each morning. 

                                       

Hop on over to Cross Country Cafe and check them out! They have a great selection (Caribou, Wolfgang, Donut House and much more! I just happened to love three of the same brand!) 

Disclaimer: I did receive a sampler of coffee but the opinions are 100% my own and I love, love, love coffee. 

Introducing....'First Bennett'

If you follow me on IG you've already met the new guy in our lives.

Brady is the kind of kid who loves everyone and pretty much everything. He's pretty much happy to play with any toy or be around most anyone. It's just his personality. He is obsessed with trains, trucks and Toy Story. He's all boy but loves to play with barbies and cook in the kitchen.  I love that he's so very much into what he wants and I know that will fade but for now, I'm enjoying it.

When I was pregnant, I found this little doll at Target and thought he would be perfect since his little outfit says, "Little Brother!"  Brady played with him for half a second and then he got thrown into a bin somewhere A few months ago, we found him during a massive toy overhaul and he's been a figment in our lives ever since.

Meet First Bennett. He's small. Apparently, he poops A LOT. 

 He likes to nurse and cries when Brady leaves him. Hmmmm, sounds like someone else I know!

He also does get into trouble sometimes too!

I guess he gets first dibs on the name since he was around first? I don't know but when we asked Brady what his name was we were told it was "First Benny!'

Then we asked, "What is your brother's name?" His response was 'The OTHER Bennett, MOMMY!' like I should have just known that.

 He also reminds me that he is indeed a "pretend baby, MOMMY!" Geez, I should know that, right?

He goes everywhere Brady goes.

On wagon rides......

(side note: real benny hates hats!)

He does tummy time and plays with baby toys.

He takes naps.

Gets diaper changes (you know because he poops a lot) and Mommy then finds piles of wipes all over the house.

'Shhh' My baby is sleeping!

 He sleeps in bed with Brady and goes to the sitters house with him. It's the one thing he has to take with him to bed and I think I lose an hour or two each week looking for him (cause a responsible parent looses his baby!) The poor thing needs a bath. I tried to wash him in the wash machine but that apparently isn't 'safe for babies!'

So, this is 'First Bennett'' and for the past two months, he goes everywhere with us. I'm pretty confident that Brady is going to be a great Daddy someday.

Well....except when he leaves him like this. The social worker in me wonders if this is something I needed to report. The mom in me wonders if I should be worried about his parenting style.

I wasn't sure if it was the best place to leave him but I wondered if he was just trying to keep him safe from harm! You know because earlier that day he had to rescue him from a baby who tried to eat his tiny little plastic feet. 

The same baby who almost started WWIII because he *gasp* TOUCHED his two favorite things.

What's happening 'round here.

I found an old photo album and realized my kids are actually mine. This look a lot like Benny but I see Brady in this picture too. It's funny because when I was about a year old, I was pretty tiny and I'm starting to guess Benny takes after me more than I thought!

Potty training. This is my least favorite 'milestone' in parenting but I am so thrilled to not have to buy diapers anymore for him! Surprisingly, it hasn't ben too rough and I think it's more because we let him be ready. I mean, I've tried here a few times and he just wasn't ready but then a kid at the sitter's started and he decided he wanted to go too. The kid let us know plenty of times he wasn't ready, trust me, ha! The biggest issues we've faced were 1) poopin' in the potty and 2) wanting to wear pull-ups instead of undies. We've tackled both this week. Whew.

I just can't believe how much older and grown up he seems now. I about cried when I thought that he is almost 3 1/2 and I'm looking into signing him up for preschool in the fall. Seriously?!?

I believe the only reason he decided to start was that he was promised a bounty of the one and only, Buzz Lightyear.

In that same note, you are invited to the 324,392th screening of Toy Story at our house. Seriously. Thank to this movie, my kid now knows the words idiot and stupid as it was demonstrated when Bennett knocked over his train track. He looked at him and goes, "Don't mess up my tracks you stupid baby!" My head spun around what felt like 360 degrees! I was cleaning the kitchen while he was watching it during his 'nap time' (what are naps?) and heard Woody call someone an idiot myself. Thanks, Disney. Thanks, a lot!

Speaking of the things this kid says, he is hilarious. I love this age, though the 1,000 of questions I get a day drive me insane sometimes but he cracks me up. I was talking to him on the phone on the way to work on Friday. He goes, "Mommy, come out of the phone and open my banana!" Made my whole day.

Bennett thinks he's a big kid. Standing up and cruising and stuff. He is something else.

He is a totally different baby the last two weeks. Happy, ALL the time. He still cries when I drop him off at the sitters but he doesn't cry ALL day anymore! You have no idea how happy this makes this momma!

Sigh. He was supposed to have surgery tomorrow. Key word supposed to. If you remember, he has something called, hydrospadias where his urethra is not in the 'right' spot and it was to correct it but he came down with yet another cold and since it's not an 'urgent' surgery, they want the babies to be 100% when they go under anesthesia. I can't say I'm too upset since I was a nervous wreck, ok, a HOT mess this week thinking about it and as an added bonus, we are about to get 'Snow/ice-megeddon.'

I was freaking out as it was because the pre-op instructions told us no nursing after 4:30 am. No clear liquids after 8:30 am. Clear liquids meant Pedialyte which if you remember from the ER visit went SO well. I could NOT imagine how I was going to deal with him wanting to nurse and not being able to. The thought makes me cry to think of denying food to him when he's hungry. It will be something we deal with next month but hopefully we'll have a better time of day that we will be scheduled for which could make it a bit easier. 

So....while it is basically putting off something that I am so ready to get over, I'll spend tomorrow without worry, which is the best place to be, right?

Bennett {7 months}

(I am almost caught up, woohoo!)

Oh man. Oh man. OH MAN.

What a month.

Oh my sweet Benny boy.

Seven months. It's been a hard few weeks for you my sweet boy. You got sick this month and when I say sick, boy you got sick! You started out with a cold. I took you to the doctor and low and behold, a double ear infection. Then, you got RSV and the awful stomach bug. It broke my heart to see you sick but you were such a sweet boy through it all. I was SO happy once I started seeing the BIG smiles again!

You had a REALLY rough time leaving mommy. It's also very hard on me as well knowing you are having a rough time but I hope it gets better soon, leaving you while you're in tears practically kills me. I think it's partly because you haven't felt good but separation anxiety is a new thing for me since well, your brother is Mr. Social. You, my sweetie, you're a little more reserved I think but we'll see how that sweet personality of yours continues to blossom. Your laugh. Oh, your laugh. It's a gentle chuckle that is sure to make anyone smile.

See, you mustered smiles for Momma even when you felt so sick. The nurses at Urgent Care (and the ER) mentioned how happy and sweet you were.

                                   

Likes: Mommy, crawling all over the place, big brother's toys, grabbing things that Brady is playing with, nursing, mommy's phone, playing games like peek-a-boo and patty cake, his family, being near everyone, snuggles, kisses, trying to stand, toys you can hold, puffs/

Dislikes: Being separated from mommy, sleeping for more than 30 minutes or sleeping without mommy, going anywhere without mommy, having your nose wiped, anything other than milk, taking medicine, being alone in a room. You still don't like being put in your car seat but once you get in there, you're usually fine. I found it kinda ironic that you didn't cry during your last bloodwork but sucking your nose out was torturous. Screaming, kicking, crying! You surely didn't enjoy that!

Yummies:
Well. This month hasn't been a good one for eating. When you got sick, you coughed A LOT which led to lots of gagging and a few choking incidents. Not fun. Then after you got the stomach flu, you stopped eating all foods. You wanted to nurse but nothing else. It's actually been hard to get ANYTHING else in you. Not even puffs. You gag and turn beet red, even on solids. Luckily, you are slowly starting to eat again but we had to start giving you some purees again, which is fine as long as you are eating!

You are still nursing and I don't see it stopping anytime. It's pretty funny though when you're REALLY hungry you practically nose bomb into my chest. It's so very sweet when as you nurse, you rub your hand on my arm or my chest. I will say it's NOT very sweet that you decided to play squeeze mommy's other boob while your nursing and I end up screaming in pain. As I'm screaming, you give me this sly little smile. Stinker!

Sleep: You had just started sleeping a bit better at night and then you got sick and things went south. The separation anxiety didn't help either. I believe you would love to be connected at all times. I hope things get a bit better once you are feeling more like yourself.

 The last week of this month you have been a COMPLETELY different kid. You were happy at the sitters, still cried when I left but you even took a TWO hour nap there, which is amazing! You are full of smiles for everyone. It really amazed me so much that it makes me sad to know how bad you were really feeling. You were waking up after I put your to bed, 3-4 times before even 10 pm! You are finally sleeping through that again and hope to get things back on track!

You are such a ham. Your very silly and I see more of this part of your personality developing! You make the funniest little expressions and it makes me smile. You always, always light up when your brother walks by or tries to play with you. One of my favorite sounds you make is when you wake up and I come in the room to get you, this excited chuckle comes out of your mouth! It melts my heart every time to know how excited you get to see me.

Growth and Med stuff:
Oh, I have started calling you shortie because, well you are just so tiny! I feel like you've grown a lot this month and are starting to fit better into your 6-9 month clothes and you could fit into some 3-6 up until the end of the month.  6 month clothes are starting to get very tight on you and mommy retired the 6 month jammies too. Still in a size 3 diaper but I think we'll need to move up a size very soon. You seem so much longer to me lately but you are still very skinny with a little tiny belly and some ham hock thighs. I think your thighs are the ONLY big chunky spots and I love them. They (well, your entire body) is so very ticklish.

You had your follow up with the endocrinologist this month and it went well as you barely cried during bloodwork. I've found that distraction and a pretty nurse are key to this. You are such a little flirt! We did get a follow up saying your levels were back up again and we need to retest again soon to see if we need to up your meds which I think is expected with your massive growth the past two months! At the ER, you weighed a little over 16 pounds. Woot. Getting there buddy!

Milestones:
Pulling up to stand. YOu might be small but man, you surely are strong and determined.

First sickness.Not a fun first. Also first ER visit, not a fun one either.

Really started babbling more with the ba-ba and Da-Da! I think you are trying to say my name but it sounds more like a-ma. You only say it when you have woken up from a nap and want me or are hungry so either you name your milk or you are trying to say my name! I hope it's the latter!

Waved. Though, it was a few times but we'll see if it sticks!

I have to say, my little peanut, I held you SO much when you were sick and I looked down at you while you were peacefully sleeping and I just cannot believe how fast time is going. I feel like we just brought you home and here we are a few months shy of your first birthday. I really want to stop time and hold onto your a bit longer. I did tell Daddy that the only good part that came with the sicknesses was time was able to stop for a bit and I got to snuggle close all day with you. I was so glad you when you were better but I missed you more than ever when I went back to work. I just know how fast it goes and before you know it, you'll be potty training like your brother.

I love you to the moon and back. I love you to infinity and beyond and forever more.

Momma

A Balancing Act

Someone said to me the other day, "I don't know how you do it."

I laughed.

The laundry is never done.

I always trip on at least one toy a day.

Brady knows his fair share of curse words thanks to those damn toys on the floor.

I have a long list of things that need to be done that don't get done.

My idea of working out is the dance I do after I step on one of their damn toys.

We eat a lot of sandwiches for dinner.

I could go on. The list always goes on.

Being a mom is hard enough and I thought I had adjusted to being a mom of two pretty well. That slapped me pretty harshly in the face when I went back to work.I remember it being rough when I went back after Brady was born and it one of the biggest hurdles I faced as a new mom. I thought it would be a bit rocky at first getting used to juggling another little one into the mix but it's been harder than I expected for different reasons. With Brady, it was getting used to the idea of having another little being to tend to instead of relaxing at home or going to the gym. This time around it is harder for different reasons. I mean it's obvious adding another little person is going to make things a little harder to adjust to but then you add in the fact that you need time for well baby visits, his endocrinologist, lab work and you know, the whole taking care of two kids thing. Then, the holiday's hit and then the sicknesses started and things spiraled into pure chaos.  I've missed a lot of work since I've been back which has left me WAY behind and very stressed. Lots of little things have piled up and my to-do lists are daunting and never ending.

I'm lucky my job is flexible to meet my family's needs but I have to say it doesn't make it easy and my work load is still just as heavy. My work week is a scheduled (but flexible on when) 42.5 hours and adding in drive time that probably hits it well over 50. I try not to work late but there are times it's a necessary evil. The flexibility is what keeps me there but as a social worker, my job is very stressful. I'm surely overworked and grossly underpaid. I'm not wanting to start a stay-at-home vs working moms debate and I know both have their ups and downs. I find myself struggling lately and I'm sure part of it is because I'm just so behind in every aspect of life because of everything in life but that is.....well, life!

When I'm at work, I'm thinking about the kids. Worrying if Benny's crying all day (which many times he does and that is probably the hardest thing, ever.) Praying they don't pick up another virus. Worry that they will eat/sleep/etc well that day. Wonder what the heck I'm going to feed everyone because I either need to go to the grocery store or I didn't thaw anything out. The list goes on.

When I'm at home, I'm good about not working when I'm at home but work is always in the back of my head, especially after a rough or stressful day. It's hard not to shake the stress sometimes and while yes, the sweet snuggles of my babies helps, it doesn't always magically make it disappear!


I find it hard to be just one person at a time. I can't just be Mommy. I can't just be the 'employee.' Can't I just be Amy because there is no set definition to who she is and who she is, well, that is up to me.

I think that it's what makes being a working mom the hardest. Picking a role isn't possible. My kids ALWAYS come first yet I have to be on time to work. I have to show up without spit-up or some other stain from my kids on my pants. I have to be professional yet I find myself talking to my 3 year old in the car on the way too a meeting about poop.

Then, there is the house. The perfectionist in me wants it to be clutter free and the dishes done. I have a hard time actually relaxing and I find that I need to be busy all the time. I know I don't have to be but I struggle with this a lot.

I can only describe being a working mom as a balancing act. I used see it more as a juggling act but as a mom, we juggle a lot in life but it's more than that. It's about finding balance amidst chaos. You can't juggle more than you can handle but you can create your own meaning of balance. It doesn't have to be a perfect definition. It doesn't even need to be defined.

I haven't found that perfect blend of balance yet. I'm working on it but until then I'll be the one with the messy house, the smear of baby food in my hair and  the one who needs to be reminded about everything because lets be honest, I can't remember crap anymore.

Catch up.

Right now, I'm pretty pumped it is no longer January. It was a rough month with sicknesses and February is a step closer to Spring. I just wish Spring wasn't a step closer to a certain little boy's birthday! I know it was a crazy month  and we lost almost two weeks with the plague but I can't believe January is long gone. I swear I blinked and another month is over!

 Since my last post, things got more chaotic and I was pretty sure I was close to losing my mind--another Urgent Care visit for Benny, breathing treatments and then a lovely ER visit. I think the good thing about all the visits in January is our deductible is met (or at least close to!)

 Last Sunday, Ben started throwing up. I thought it was from coughing but then it kept happening. It was awful. At one point, he just couldn't stop, it was like he could hardly catch his breath between and once it was like he was going to pass out! He was so worn out, poor guy! Then, he started throwing up bright green. I kinda started to worry since he wasn't even acting like himself and then it changed colors.  I called the exchange and being that he was only throwing up for a short time, they were concerned and wanted him to be seen. I was a mess. Poor Blake was sick himself so I was worried about driving with him in the backseat alone but luckily, he didn't throw up on the way to the hospital but started up as I pulled in and as we walked inside. They did x-rays to make sure there was no blockage (which they said could explain the neon puke!) and luckily, it was okay. As he was getting the xray, all I could picture in my head was the millions of things that he could have eaten but with Blake sick too, I knew he had a virus! We tried to get some Pedialyte in him but he refused it. I joked that it was probably the most expensive bottle I'll ever pay for but after some Zolfran, you could just tell he was feeling better which after a week of sicknesses, the poor baby deserved some relief. He must have some buff antibodies now right?

Thanks to the antibiotic and the stomach bug, we then dealt with a food strike. He wouldn't eat anything that didn't come out of a nipple! He despised the antibiotic (for the ear infections) and would look at me in horror as I tried to give it to him! When he would eat anything (except for milk,) he would gag on it sometimes it was so bad I considered giving him the Heimlich. We are finally (as in the past two days) getting to the point where he will eat purees again without gagging. I feel like at this point with Brady, he was eating all kinds of stuff and here were are, back at square one again.

Food stuff. That's the small stuff. I'm just so happy to see him smiling and happy again.

Look, I got the real camera out! Oh and Yep. Still no toofies either. I think Brady got his first one at 8 months so I'm sure it's coming!

In between the sickies, I decided potty training was happening! He is doing pretty well peeing in the potty but well, the other part might take a while! I will say, potty training sucks. It's not fun, it's messy and it just sucks. Brady is so funny about it. Every time he has to pee, he screams, 'I'm about to pee!' It's crazy how grown up they seem once they are in undies. Sniff.

We heard from the Endo that Benny's levels were a bit off so we need to retest him to see if we need to up his meds. Yipee. Great timing, being that he is supposed to have surgery this month, which can't happen if he is still testing hypo (meaning his meds are needing to be adjusted due to his growth!) Boo. We'll find out this week if we need to reschedule or not.

With the sicknesses, I've missed a lot of work so I barely have time at work to do anything but work. Ben was of course, held a lot more since he was so sick for so long and it's not helping his severe attachment to me! I'm not kidding you. It's freak out city if I walk out of the room and as soon as I walk towards the door, the crying starts. He's had some rough days even at Nana's and at the sitter's which sucks to know your kid cries most of the day. It sucks more so when you know all he wants is you. These are things you have no idea how much they suck till you are there. The poor sitter deserves a medal for taking good care of him, I swear. I love that he loves me so much but I can't wait for him to be able to relax a bit without me! Sigh.I guess I'll just plan on going to college with him. I hope his wife won't mind living with us too! I just hope he decides that he can sleep at bit better by then!

Through all of the crazies,  I had a brief panic attack realizing my baby is almost 8 months old. He started pulling up recently and I feel like his first year is flying by. I need it to slow down. I desperately need it to slow down.

Gosh. I know I said this on IG and I have to say it again. After all the sicknesses, after the long days at work worrying if Bennett's still crying and the lack of sleep, I see this. I see these two and everything just instantly feels better. I smile and I am reminded, life is good. 

The daycare plague

The past few weeks? Hardly no blogging, Google reader is behind in epic proportions and I think the only pictures I have taken were with my phone.  I love instagram but I need to get my real camera out soon! Why the craziness? One simple explanation. Daycare.

Three weeks ago, my boys started going to an in-home daycare three days a week! I was so happy I found someone, plus she is literally down the street, less than FIVE minutes away. There are very few kids that go and I thought this would be perfect! I knew they would be sick more often and catch things they normally haven't since well, we have been SO lucky so far and Brady has hardly been sick in the past 3 years. Lucky. Spoiled.

The first week, he got a cold. The cold got better but the cough lingered for a while.

Thursday, I picked him up and he was super cranky which I blamed on the fact that he hadn't napped. Friday, he wasn't himself. He had gotten up at 4:30 am and never went back to sleep so we thought some of his behavior was due to being up all day and not napping. If you have a toddler, you get how bad that can get and know exactly what I mean.

Here is where it started sucking. Things got scary. He was talking weird and doing this odd thing with his eyes, almost like they were going to roll back into his eyes. We literally thought it was because of exhaustion because what 3 year old gets up at 4 am and doesn't crash at some point?
He didn't fell warm then but when I put him to bed a while later, I decided to take his temp and low and behold he had a fever. 102. Needless to say, he ended up in bed with me.

He woke up Saturday morning in good spirits but that quickly changed and as the day went on and the scary stuff started again. I took his temp and it was 104.5! I decided to take him to Urgent Care thinking he had bronchitis or something. After a two hour wait and a negative strep test, they told us they were treating him for Strep. Um, Ok? We could call in a few days for the culture but looking at his symptoms, she was sure it was strep.

After a few does of the antibiotic, he was back to his old self!

Then, last night, after going back and forth, I sent him to the sitters for a while. He was a whiny mess when I picked him up since he didn't nap and fell asleep on the couch for a short time. He woke up in hysterics. I looked at him and his face was bright red and he looked off. I tried to get some food in him and all he wanted was his jammies on and head to bed. I took his shirt off and noticed his entire body was covered in an awful rash. A million things ran through my mind and I called the doctor's exchange. I had a feeling it was the antibiotic. I just knew. Luckily, even though the rash was awful, he wasn't having trouble breathing or anything and made an appointment for them to come in the next day.

Yep. Momma was right. It wasn't a strep rash, in fact, he didn't even have strep! Whatever it was, he was definitely allergic to the antibiotic Urgent Care prescribed! Poor Benny's ear were both infected, which I knew something was up with him and noticed he was pulling at one of his ears. I was sure we were going to miss out on the whole ear infection thing but low and behold, here were are. 

So....antibiotics for you, you, and YOU! Just don't give Brady any Keflex or any of those in that family. 

                                   

Things I've learned about sick kids. 
Even my kid who is not really that cuddly, wants nothing more than that when he's sick. He even wanted to hold my hand while he slept.
Wine is never enough.
Lots of coffee is definitely not enough.

Germs suck.
Seeing your babies that sick is scary, sad, heartbreaking and so much more.
Fever Bugz are awesome. (I found them at Walgreens.)

The health of my babies is nothing ever to take for granted.

The time I lived without a kitchen.

I lived through a kitchen remodel with two kids. I can say that. On that note, regardless of what happens and how much I love how it looks now, I'm not sure I would go through that again! It was rough!

I'm not sure what was harder, the constant crap lying around that usually was stored in the kitchen, having my coffee maker in my living room or having to do dishes in the bathroom! Doing dishes? I will just say, I'm so thankful for modern conveniences!

Oh, way back when Ben was not even 2 month old, we had a pipe break in our kitchen. Ugh. Not cool. Not fun to wake up to. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, till I noticed our nice beautiful hardwood floor that wasn't even three years old, buckled and warped. All I could think of was one dirty word, MOLD. Yep. I think of those things.

Four months later, we have a new kitchen. Who knew that ordering cabinets and counters was such a process. I swear it took FOREVER.

Here is the crappy before pictures. Yep, I feel the need to let you know this. My kitchen is not this messy EVER. I would die. If there is one room in the house that is always clean, it's my kitchen. Dishes in the sink gives me anxiety. Anyway, back to this mess. We had to clear it all out FAST....as in it was 8:00 pm and it was all being ripped out in the am. So, it wasn't a pretty or organized process. I will say how badly I regretted that from then on.

I couldn't find anything. I still have things I can't figure out where the heck they went or and have boxes in the garage I don't have time to sort through.

It's not easy to see here but the wall that the fridge was jammed into was knocked down and brought out a few inches. This literally was a few inches and gave me what I needed, a pantry! 

                       

In this process, I only wanted two things. 

1. More space. Our house is stuffed to the brims with baby and kid stuff and our kitchen, well, it's small. No cabinet space. Tall or large things? Ha. No room. There is no drawer space either. 

2. A pantry. My coat closet down the hall was my makeshift pantry. How sad is that? I wanted a real life pantry. 

Ok, I lied. I wanted it to be pretty! The cabinets were just hideous. I had painted them after we got married and it helped but they were falling apart in some places and my paint job could have been better. 

We boosted up the cabinets from 30' to 42'! We never used the top of the cabinets for any decorative reasons anyway and we could use the storage space. It was one of the best decisions and where I put the things I never use. 

When we had talked about doing this, I had a whole other picture in mind. White cabinets, dark floors. We changed the cabinet color because of cost and little dirty fingers. I really loved my white cabinets but after remembering how much I complained about how dirty they got, I was okay with the darker ones (which not only kept us in budget but gave room in it for my favorite thing in the kitchen-the backsplash!)

Enough talk. 

The after: 

     

I originally wanted a dark floor but I am so glad we went with the lighter floor. It lightens and makes the space look so much bigger! We squeezed the pantry in on the right side and built the fridge so it didn't stick out. Another perk? The cabinets above the fridge line up with the edge of the fridge! I can reach them! It's the small things, people. 

The backsplash was a last minute add on and I have to say, it makes the whole kitchen. I am just in love with it and it brings it all together. I never knew you could love tile so much!

                                            

The new sink is amazing too. Who knew what I was missing out on with an under mount huh? It's life changing and I do dishes with a smile. Most of the time, that is.

I wish I had thought of taking a bit more pictures before it was all ripped out but I have to tell you about our sink. If I hated something in that kitchen, the sink was it. The facet? Oh, my word. Well, it's actually one. Wood-grain. Yep. Wood-grain on the facet handles.

I think I shed a tear when it was ripped out. Don't worry, they were tears of pure joy!

To my boys

I wrote this a few weeks ago and finally getting around to publishing it. My reaction to the Newton shooting was like many moms and the nation. I was in shock and my heart hurt. I wrapped my arms around my kid and thanked God for allowing me to hold them. I can say if anything, it made the world stop around me and I left the dishes in the sink and let the laundry go. I think too it opened my eyes to the world we live in and the scary things in this world. As a mom, there are a lot of scary things in the world and it's the hardest thing as  a mom to know you can't protect your kids from it all. I do my best to show my kids the beauty in the world and shield them from the scary stuff but I know the time that I can do that is fleeting. I can't imagine the pain that these families are going through and the ones who lived through it will face. I can hope we can make this world a better place for our kids and I will do what I can to fight for it. I just wish that was a simple task but I can tell you one thing, I will do what I can to make it that way but until I can control that other stuff, I will love each day more. I think that if anything, we can honor those sweet kids by playing more and being more present in each day. 

To my sweet boys. 

Today, you are both small, though Brady, you always tell me you are big. Sometimes, you will say you're a big boy baby when you want more of that attention Benny seems to steal from you but in this big world, you are both so very small. 

So very naive.

So very innocent.

The past few nights, I let you (Brady) fall asleep in my bed and I've carried you to your room. I  literally stopped in my tracks. You're grown so big and my arms can no longer wrap around you completely. I look  down at Bennett sleeping peacefully and remember how tiny you used to be and wonder when he stopped being a tiny newborn. I flashed back to the times when I rocked you and held you closely like I do now with Bennett. I sat down with you and just held you closely while you were sleeping peacefully and took in your sweet scent. 

I prayed. I prayed for 20 babies and 6 heroes and a mom who I'm sure loved her son as I do you boys.  I prayed for peace. I prayed for you to just let me hold you just a bit longer and for time to slow down just a bit more. 

You see, there are times when life in this big world is hard. You'll learn as you grow older that there are scary things in this world besides those monsters and ghosts you find yourself afraid of. (They are always green, you say) You'll learn that sadness is more than not getting that new toy you wanted so badly while we were at the 'little store' (Target.) You'll learn that people can hurt your heart and that you can hurt in ways you never knew possible. 

In that same respect, my sweet boys, I want you to always remember that there is SO much beauty. So much love. So much joy and happiness. The world is full of so many good things. 

When things get scary or you need some comfort, remember that. Remember that it's everywhere. 

It's in the small things and lives in the hearts of children and in the souls of their parents. It's in your laughter and in your smile. It's in the photographs we keep and in the people we meet. The beauty of the sky and the serenity of flowing waves. Sometimes, you have to weather the storm to find that rainbow. As cliche as it sounds, it's more than true. 

I'll be honest, I want to shield you from all the 'bad' stuff forever and keep you in a bubble of trains, cars, cookies and milk.  I wish we could keep the innocence you carry so beautifully. I wish I could wrap you in a bubble to keep you from getting hurt and keep your body healthy for eternity. 

I've always heard before you were born that when you become a parent, you wear your heart on your sleeve. Truth is, your heart does more than that. It walks, talks and every single day you worry about it. You love more with it than every thought possible and it makes me want to hold you tight and never let you go. I want to keep you safe in my arms and keep you small enough to protect from all the evils of the world. Truth is, I can't do that and I'll be honest, that scares me so much but I can't focus on what we can't do. 

What I can do is love each moment.

Play more.

Always say, 'I love you!'

I can show you how important it is to treat others kindly, without judgement. 

I can show you to be thankful for what we have and to work hard for what you want. 

I can show you that family always comes first and has varying definitions. 

I can show you that life isn't about what we have, it's about who we have with us. 

I can work hard to teach you that life is a gift and to appreciate the small things in life. 

That it's okay to cry and to be affectionate to those you love.

I can't promise you life will be easy or without hardship but I can promise that will love you with every fiber of my being and you will always have a place in our home.

Six {Bennett}

Oh Boy.

Six months, huh?

Half a year?

Nope. NO way.

Oh, Benny boy. I really need the next six to go by much slower!


Likes: Being on the move, toys, eating big boy food, grabbing things, playing with your brother and his toys, being awake, being near Mommy, being with other people, staring at people, mommy's phone, anything big brother has in his hand, grabbing mommy's hair and face. 

Dislikes: Naps. Being left alone. Diaper changes. 

Sleep:  Well, it's not good but it's not awful. He has some nights he'll sleep really well and others where it just sucks. Lately, he has been getting up between 3-4 and restless for the rest of the night/morning and we end up tossing and turning together. He starts the first stretch out in the pack n play and then the rest of the night in our bed. I think he needs to go to his room to get better sleep, really but we need to get a new window first. Having not really used his room before he started using it, well, it's VERY cold. So, as soon as it's replaced, he's going to start being a big boy in his OWN bed. 

I love seeing how their relationship grows. Brady loves him to pieces and Ben still looks at him like he hung the moon. I can see lots of trouble in my future. 

Yummies: Still nursing. We hit the SIX month mark and I'm so happy. I have relaxed a bit about it but we are still doing strong. He LOVES solids. I mean loves. We actually started with some cereal and avocados a week or so before he actually turned six months. He was SO ready. The first bite, he smiled and I knew he was going to love it. I debated on cereal for a long time but ended up going for it. I figure the more I can get him to eat, the better. I know this age it's not really about nutrition but Momma needs to fatten him up and fast! He's eating a mix of purees I made, some jarred purees and some BLW. His idea of feeding himself is to squeeze the heck out of his food and then put it in his mouth. He's pretty good at it and I see the pincher grasp developing! He is so funny though, before I even get to sit near him with his food and as soon as he sees a spoon, his mouth is open. 

I joked that he was such a clean eater but once he realized the spoon had food on it, he started getting grabby, which then made for a messy experience. He sure does look cute though. 

Growth: Still tiny. Sigh. Double sigh. At his six month visit, he was 14 pounds 2 ounces and 26.5 inches long. I didn't even bother to ask where he was percentile wise. Just don't wanna know but his doctor said he's doing great, growing well but that percentile gets me especially since Brady was such a chunk. I still go back and forth on my freak outs about his weight but try not to worry.  I think I've worried more this month because he is supposed to have surgery and the anesthesiologist recommends babies be at least 15 pounds. Sigh, which means I might delay it another month to give him time to chunk up a bit just for my own peace of mind. I've called the doctor to see what they think and we'll go from there but momma instinct says, 'Let's wait'' then again, Momma doesn't wanna do it at all. I do think, him being so active now is going against us in this battle but the important thing is he is growing. He's just a little guy. 

Medical stuff:

We set the Endocrinologist later this month and supposed to have surgery on the 24th but that may be delayed till next month. Sigh. Busy month for that stuff that Mommy doesn't like. We did bloodwork last week and I have the most amazing little boy. You see that Benny? You rock. I was a bit nervous because I usually take you to the Children's Hospital (after the last bad experience at the lab where they poked you THREE times) but needed to get in and out quicker so we went to the one by our house. I was SO nervous when the tech saw it was YOU that needed blood taken and she had the other tech hold your arm while I held you. 

Not a peep. Not a single one. You started at that girl and oogled at her. I just about cried for you because it made my heart SO happy. I have such a soft spot for you that bloodwork kills me every single time. 

Milestones:

I'm just going to call it and say he is 'crawling.' It's a half crawl/half scoot kinda thing but the kid gets where he wants and fast. He goes from the crawling position to sitting back to his side and all over the place. I've learned it's much harder the 2nd time around when baby's get mobile because of all the stuff that kid #1 leaves around and eats. You can't really take your eyes off the baby! 

Solids! I would say that is a big deal! He's really enjoying it. I love this age SO much. Love it. 

Sitting is getting more and more sturdy. I would say you can sit most of the time without toppling over but occasionally get too excited and fall over, which is funny because he can mostly crawl but sitting is still a bit wobbly.

Well, they are surely related. Brady had a little more hair and more chunk! I forgot Brady had that little mohawk of hair for the longest time and started getting a ton around 8-9 months and I think Ben will be the same way.

I just can't believe we are halfway to a year. It makes me so sad to think it's gone by so fast but our family is perfect with him in our lives. I just wish I could find a way to freeze time for a while. I love this age so much and not ready for it to be over.